Why is everyone suggesting President Clinton cancel his scheduled
trip to China? I, for one, think he should go. And stay.

Let’s face it. Clinton would be more at home with like-minded people.
In China, leaders don’t have to deal with tough questions from the
press. Dissidents disappear in the middle of the night. Government
officials hand out special favors to their friends and loyal subjects.

It sounds like … Arkansas.

No matter how you look at it, Clinton’s term in office is winding
down. Either he will be impeached in the next two years, or his
presidency will expire. He’s going to need something else to do with his
time — some place to hang his hat.

What better place than China. After all, he’s got so many friends
there. Just think of all those people who fled the country rather than
testify about illicit campaign donations. Most of them are in China.
Why, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Mochtar Riady is preparing a
suitable retirement home for Bill right now.

There’s no doubt he would be an honored guest. Try to think of
someone — anyone in the world today — who has done more for China than
Bill Clinton. He’s looked the other way as the Chinese smuggle weapons
of mass destruction to Iran and Pakistan. He’s made excuses for the
regime as it ruthlessly suppresses dissent. Even while China is
targeting the United States with 13 nuclear-tipped ballistic missiles,
he has extended to Beijing Most Favored Nation trading status. In fact,
when a Chinese official threatened to nuke Los Angeles, Clinton’s
friends helped ensure they improved their guidance systems first.

When neighboring India got uppity and tested nuclear weapons designed
to defend itself, he slapped it with economic sanctions. Even when China
tried to smuggle 2,000 fully automatic AK-47s into a California port and
into the hands of L.A. street gangs, Clinton’s response was to offer the
Chinese control of the harbor. That’s right. Who says money can’t buy

Clinton has also helped introduce China to some new business partners
— people like Bernard Schwartz of the Loral Corp. The Chinese were so
happy about working with Schwartz that they invested $37.5 million in
his company. They’re even going to manage Schwartz’s operations in China
for him.

Heck, of course Clinton belongs in China. I think he should visit
Tiananmen Square, too — maybe even arrange a photo op aboard a Chinese
tank staring down a lone demonstrator. This would go a long way toward
convincing the Chinese we’re serious about better relations.

And by no means should the president meet with any of those
trouble-making dissidents while he’s there. They just want to throw a
wet blanket on all the progress China has been making on the human
rights front.

While the president is in Hong Kong, why should he meet with
pro-democracy leaders? Just because they won the election fair and
square? Of course not. This is a new era of globalization. These
radicals better get used to the idea that they have to deal with
Beijing. It’s time to stand up for the “statist” quo.

No, Mr. President. Don’t let the naysayers talk you out of this trip.
It’s just the vast right-wing conspiracy at work. They couldn’t nail you
on Whitewater, Vincent Foster, Ron Brown, Filegate, Travelgate or any of
the other manufactured scandals. Now they’re trying to accuse you of
treason, when all you really had in mind was paying back friends who
were there for you when the Republican juggernaut was trying to destroy

Go. Go to China. Stay as long as you like. Set up an office there.
Buy some real estate. And maybe, just maybe, while you’re at it, you
should check out the requirements for requesting political asylum.

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