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As Bill Clinton fumbles into another open ended, no-exit war in
Kosovo, here’s what our troops at Saudi Arabia’s Prince Sultan Air Base,
who daily risk their lives in our long running non-war with Saddam
Hussein are saying:

“Day after day the same BS without letup. I don’t mind telling my
guys the truth … we’re wasting our time with this mission. Like my Dad
told me about Vietnam, we’re not fighting to win. How can we win here
with one arm tied behind our backs and those nerds in D.C. in charge of
National Security?”

“Yeah, we get hostile fire pay and the tax break for being in a
combat zone. I sleep with my Protective Mask and rifle by my side and am
halfway to the bunker whenever a truck backfires. This place is
dangerous. Just ask the Zoomies who duck telephone pole-size missiles
over Iraq. But what gets me is how the USAF people in Southern Turkey
get the same combat pay and tax break as we do when they go home to
their wives and kids every night!”

“We just caught an Army female Sergeant doing it to a young Army
private in our bunker. There she was buck naked, trying to pull rank on
our Chief. Doesn’t the Army have a reg preventing seniors fraternizing
with subordinates? The Chief said she was just following our
Commander-in-Chief’s example. ”

“As a squadron CO I don’t make policy, but if any of you expect us
not to be coming out here next year, five years, or ten years from now
… don’t kid yourselves. This thing may last longer than the Cold War.”

“I’ve been deployed here three times in less than a year. You ask me
if I’m sick of it? I say nuke the whole bleeping desert! I joined up to
defend my country, not some rich dudes’ gas station.”

“We’re wasting our time, our money and our people. Why can’t the
Arabs handle their own problems? Let’s face it, we’re their mercenaries.
You know, onward Christian soldiers.”

“You hate it sometimes, the hurry up and wait, the boredom, the
alerts and then you see our aircraft coming back from a mission where
they clobbered the Iraqis … brings things into perspective, makes you
proud.”

“Five Air Force girls got busted. They had a little ring going. One
got caught cashing a check for $300 bucks. What this shows is males and
females simply don’t work in such an isolated place of duty. …”

“Oh great, now they’re going to bring back Star Wars and waste
billions of dollars all over again while a terrorist drives a truck
through the front gate and kills 18 more Airmen with a bomb. How about
an Anti-Truck Defense?”

“Regardless of orders, boys will be boys and girls will be girls. In
the last year, we’ve had nine airmen evacuated because they got
pregnant.
That’s about one out of twenty folks stationed here shipped home for
pregnancy. On the plus side, the kids won’t be named Bill or Saddam, but
on the minus side who will do the airmen’s work while they’re having
babies?”

“Two guys may be court-martialed for downloading pornography on the
web. Their codes were compromised. It’s being treated like losing
classified documents.”

“The move from Tent City to the new complex (built, ironically, by
the family of terrorist Osama bin Laden’s family) is about complete.
Life is much better, like not having to hike 200 meters in the dead of
night to the latrine. Hot and cold running water is another blessing.
The only downside is that unit integrity at the complex has been shot to
hell and back. They now have us divided up — there’s officer, Senior
NCO, NCO and Airman country.”

Marine General Anthony Zinni, the headman for our forces in the Gulf,
says Saddam will be around for a long time. Fortunately for all of us,
Zinni has the guts to tell Clinton his policy to put down the Bad Boy
from Baghdad won’t do the job. Unlike Westmoreland in Vietnam, Zinni
understands the non-war, is listening to the troops, and isn’t afraid to
tell the pols the truth.

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