The Veuve Clicquot site, e-Clicquot , doesn't
actually sell champagne. It does offer games, a recipe archive, and some
great Y2K-party host(ess) gifts: silk scarves with champagne bottles on
them, high-end bathrobes, various desk tchotchkes, and a darned
attractive $25 black aluminum ice bucket, everything duly emblazoned
with the Veuve Clicquot logo. I'm not much of a logo fan, but I have to
admit that this one does hold a certain lighthearted appeal. They offer
next-day UPS delivery, so you're still in time to target New Year's Eve.
Clicque here to
proceed.
The less exalted forms of bubbly can provide at least as much
pleasure as a less-than-top-quality champagne. I recently had a highly
animated conversation about soda pop -- yes, soda pop -- with a few
friends of varying national origins who are just as dorky as I am. It
turns out most of our hard-to-find childhood favorites can be ordered by
the case on the good old Web.
For Brits, of course, there's Ribena. Mmmm, Ribena.
Technically not a soda, since it's uncarbonated, but I couldn't not
write about it. They tell me a tablespoonful or so of Ribena is great in
Guinness, but while I'm very susceptible to its visual and semiotic
appeal, Guinness has never been and will never be acceptable to my taste
buds, so I refuse to attempt confirmation of this rumor. Also available:
Tango, in both regular and blackcurrant flavors; Lilt, the divine
pineappley alternative to boring lemon-lime sodas like Sprite; Tizer,
the yummy apple soda; and Robertson's orange and lemon squash.
Those homesick for Jamaica and other Caribbean locales -- or the
outer boroughs of New York City, for that matter -- can procure the
fabulous grapefruit soda Ting from
Caribbean Creations.
Myself, I'm a Tizer fan when I'm in the UK -- the carbonation cuts
that apple-juice sweetness to a "T." Very much the pause that refreshes,
particularly after a big night out. But the truth of the matter is that
Tizer is just a gaudy substitute for the apple-flavored soda of my own
youth, Appletiser. I would
seriously rather drink this than most of the champagne I encounter. It's
a miracle of pale, balanced perfection on the palate that, wonder of
wonders, is available, along with just about every other South African
delicacy, from one Protea
Imports. (Click on "Go Shopping!" in the left sidebar to get to the
product catalog.) You can say what you like about South Africa's dark
history of institutionalized bigotry and oppression, but you can't deny
the utterly divine supremacy of its food and drink. Taste just one glass
of real guava juice and then gainsay me, if you can.
Lawyers: the latest oppressed minority
In the Dave Barry Commemorative "I Am Not Making This Up" Department,
the American Bar Association is claiming that lawyer
jokes constitute hate speech. No, really. Fort Wayne lawyer Fenton
Wiley is seeking $752 million in compensation for the "chronic emotional
distress" and "psychic wounds" inflicted on him by lawyer-bashing hate
speech, which caused him to lose his marriage and his job. Said hate
speech included, in his words, "jokes about sharks showing professional
courtesy to lawyers, skid marks in front of skunks but not road-killed
lawyers, lawyers lying because their lips are moving. ... Finally I just
couldn't take the hostile environment any more." I could just keep
quoting pretty much indefinitely from this National Law Journal piece,
but I'd be quoting nearly the whole thing. Housing discrimination
incidents. Civil rights activists mobilizing. Talk about your signs of
the Apocalypse.
OK, it's actually a joke. I think.
In case you're bored on New Year's Eve
It turns out that staying home and not doing anything is pretty much
the top choice of New Year's Eve activity for everyone from urban
fashionistas to Montana survivalists. You may find yourself unoccupied,
bored, and jumpy as the last hours of the millennium trickle away into
the irretrievable past. Cure the boredom and exacerbate the jumpiness
with the
perfect reading matter for this Dec. 31. Think how glad you'll be to
get a hold of that 11:55 p.m. drink, after. (There's a much fancier
version on this site
with a wonderfully high spook factor. Myself, I'm a linguistic
fuddy-duddy, so I prefer
the first site.)