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By Ann Coulter

While the Republicans have to quell ideological rifts over trade, immigration, and deficit reduction at their convention (there is no serious disagreement over the abortion plank, despite the five pro-choice Republicans repeatedly quoted in the mainstream media), the Democrats will be forced to confront bitter divisions between the Playboy and Hustler wings of the party at their convention in Los Angeles.

It seems the Democrats have planned a first-night welcoming party at the Playboy mansion, replete with scantily clad bunnies. (At least the Democrats have finally found a role for President Clinton at the convention.)

Though the tickets are going for $5,000 apiece, a spokesman for a convention chairman has said they are getting “tons” of ticket requests from Democratic Party bigwigs — “more requests for tickets than we’re going to be able to provide.”

The Playboy fund-raiser was the brainchild of Loretta Sanchez, California congresswoman and co-chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee — appointed by Al Gore. The fund-raiser will raise money for her political action committee, Hispanic Unity.

‘Squeaky clean’
Media interest in the Democratic National Convention has shifted from Gore’s choice of running mate to the touchy issue of whether President Clinton will be bringing his chief impeachment strategist, Larry Flynt (Hustler wing of the Democratic Party) to the Playboy fund-raiser. If nothing else, Playboy’s largesse will likely rule out convention gift bags containing copies of Flynt’s landmark woman-being-fed-into-a-meat-grinder issue.

Sadly, the welcoming bunnies masterstroke has not been without its naysayers. Prominent Democrats and Hispanics have criticized Sanchez’s decision to hold the Democratic event at the Playboy mansion. Rep. Patrick J. Kennedy, D-R.I., chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, is encouraging Democratic House members not to attend.

And the guy whom the Democrats are supposed to nominate as their presidential candidate later that week, Al Gore, has objected to the Playboy fund-raiser. Just like he objected to the Clinton administration’s sending Elián back to Cuba. (Sanchez has expressed about as much interest in Gore’s opinion as President Clinton did.) Worried about losing the bunny vote, Gore tried to chart a middle course by simply announcing that he would not attend and stating that he did not “sanction” the event.

Playboy’s vice president praised Gore for not saying “horrible things” about the skin magazine — as she suggested Patrick Kennedy had done. (Kennedy had sportingly averred that Playboy contradicted the Democratic Party’s well-known respect for “the human dignity of every individual.” But see Paula, Kathleen, Monica, Gennifer, Juanita, etc., etc.)

The spokesbunny further said she understood that Gore had to be “watching his own political tracks” and acting “squeaky clean.” (Having your presidential candidate steer clear of cavorting with bunnies at the Playboy mansion evidently constitutes “squeaky clean” in Democrat circles.)

As a member of the DNC’s Platform Committee, feminist attorney and Clinton Kool-Aid drinker Gloria Allred also expressed her puny consternation about the event. Allred decried Playboy, saying — and I quote — it “borders on the pornographic.” Borders on? This sounds like the Hustler faction of the party dissing the Playboy faction as too lackluster.

Like Gore, Ms. Allred didn’t actually demand that the event be canceled or call on Ms. Sanchez to resign her convention post. Indeed, Allred’s main concern seemed to be that the event was “handing Republicans an issue and putting Democrats on the defensive.” She expressed her indignation by saying that the Democrats “should move it and move on.”

And then she dropped it.

Gee, thanks for that display of scruples.

This is the way liberals always avoid taking action against other liberals. They dutifully register some vague consternation, for which they expect great acclaim, and then say it’s time to move on. With their impeccable consciences duly placed on the record, they believe no further action should be required of them.

After Monica’s testimony, after the DNA-stained dress, after the Tripp tapes, after “it depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is” — Gloria Allred pronounced herself still “waiting to make a final decision until I hear the final arguments tomorrow, (when) the defense of the president is summarized.” Now let’s move on.

Janet Reno gassed all those kids at Waco, said she’s sorry, and we were supposed to be stunned into silence by her exquisite moral conscience.

Clinton led the country on a yearlong game of hide-the-evidence and — after finally being caught — said he was “sorry” and everyone was supposed to shut up and go home.

Horndog Apotheosis
That’s “taking full responsibility” Democratic style: Issuing some completely impotent and meaningless pronouncement that one is “troubled,” and then walking away. Liberals are “troubled” by the Clinton rape allegation (which Gore referred to as a “mistake” in Clinton’s “personal life”). They’re “troubled” by the high rates of abortion (but refuse measures that might reduce the rate, like, say, outlawing it). They’re “troubled” about the event at the Playboy mansion (but it goes on).

This isn’t contrition; it’s a conversation stopper.

In point of fact, neither the Democrats nor the feminists are “troubled” in the least by a magazine that hawks women’s naked bodies. Liberals have no quarrel with Playboy: They both want to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequence, prance about naked, and abort children. Playboy is the incarnation of Soccer Mom theory. A white trash horndog president who treats women like ashtrays is its apotheosis.

As a matter of course, the Playboy Foundation is a big contributor to the National Organization for Women, the Women’s Action Alliance, Emily’s List (for electing liberal women to office), Feminists for Free Expression, Voters for Choice, Planned Parenthood, the National Abortion Rights Action League, the American Civil Liberties Union, and People for the American Way.

Hugh Hefner and his (nonaborted) daughter have donated over $26,000 to Patrick Kennedy’s DCCC and at least $8,500 to Gore’s political campaigns over the last five years.

The Southern California Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union has presented Hugh Hefner with their Man of the Year Award. Hefner has been recognized four times and had two “Hugh Hefner” days named in his honor by the mayors of Los Angeles and Chicago. Guess which party the mayors belonged to?

But still liberals persist in talking about feminism and “women’s issues” as if they have something to do with women’s interests, rather than the exclusive and rather single-minded obsession with sticking forks in babies’ heads. In this goal, they are of one mind with Playboy.

If the Democratic Party accorded blacks the same “respect for human dignity” they accord women, the Democrats’ opening night gala would be at Klan headquarters. (Though the Klan would not have as much cash to contribute to liberal causes, inasmuch as dehumanizing blacks is apparently not as lucrative as dehumanizing women.) Gore would decide not to attend, various Democrats would purport to be “troubled,” and then we’d move on.

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