Seeing that prominent Democrats refuse to break ranks with the
Robo-Jerk — two of them even agreeing to an embarrassingly saccharine
photo-op teleconference with him that forever hitched their own
political fortunes to a man driving himself into a career-ruining ditch
— it’s just as plain in this election crisis as it was during the
impeachment crisis, not to mention the Senate Chinagate hearings, that
these Democrats are willing to put their party above their country and

If you didn’t know better, you’d even think the “confederacy of
gangsters” (in the words of Carter pollster Pat Cadell) that has
hijacked the party of FDR and JFK wants to create its own country —
banding together those islands of Gore blue in a sea of Bush red on the
Election Day map — and their own constitution, written by an army of
activist attorneys.

If that’s the plan, they should write a separate language, too,
starting with voting terminology. It would go something like this:

military absentee ballots: trash

butterfly ballot: draft of an affidavit

votes: 1 chads under the table 2 chads under the


chad: a vote for a Democrat

hanging chad: a vote for a Democrat, unless it’s next to a
name. Then it’s a taped-shut chad

dimpled chad: a vote for a Democrat

pregnant chad: a vote for a Democrat

stylus: 1 tool to punch ballot 2 dimple-maker
magic wand

machine recount: a legitimate way to settle a tight election,
unless it
confirms a Republican’s lead

hand recount: a recount that hands a Democrat enough votes to

democracy: a planeload of lawyers

fair election: any outcome that favors the Democrat in the

rule of law: the law while a Democratic administration rules

canvassing board: a vote-tampering unit, unless it refuses to
Then it’s a defendant

disenfranchised: what Democrats will be if they can’t overturn

Republican recount observers: a violent mob

Electoral College: the constitutional system that decides
presidential election — except this one

electors: more citizens to investigate and intimidate

single punch: mandatory except for confused Democrat voters,
who are exempted

military postmark: mandatory, no exceptions

voter intent: always for the Democrat

uncounted votes: always meant for the Democrat, even if they
actually cast

concede: not in their vocabulary

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