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We have barely entered the early stages of a transition of political power from the losers to the winners, and yet the level of mean-spirited invective and race-baiting demagoguery spewing from those who have suffered defeat has reached record-setting decibel levels. This is unseemly, and it is sad.
This should be a time for good sportsmanship, a time for national healing. It is in that spirit that I call upon Bill Clinton, as an act of leadership, to do the right thing as he departs from the White House for the last time. I call upon him to clear the air and apologize to the American people for multiple offenses against common decency, and for grievous offenses against the Constitution and the rule of law.
I suggest he deliver a televised message to the American people along these lines: “I sincerely apologize to the American people for my disreputable behavior while in office. While my apology extends to all Americans, I feel a need to offer a heartfelt apology to certain individuals and groups I have wronged, including but not limited to: Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, Juanita Broaddrick, Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr, Rep. Dan Burton, Joseph Farah, Linda Tripp, Gennifer Flowers, Rush and David Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Matt Drudge, Clarence Thomas, Lucianne Goldberg, Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, the pope, Jerry Falwell, Joseph Scheidler, Linda Bowles’ mother, G. Gordon Liddy, Father William Kreigsmann, the Supreme Court, cigar aficionados, victims of partial-birth abortion, the members of Free Republic (FReepers), the Secret Service, Southern Baptists, the citizens of Serbia, all the men and women in the military, the founders, the spirit of Mother Teresa, the Boy Scouts of America and God.”
I suggest he conclude by acknowledging the guilt of those who made his infamy possible: “I also want to apologize for the behavior of the entire Democrat leadership as well as the leadership of the so-called Justice Department. They became a party to my immoral and criminal behavior by defending and justifying every illegal and obscene thing I have done. In every sense of the word, they are co-conspirators in an effort to thwart the truth and obstruct justice — and for the same self-serving, craven motivations that corrupted me and Hillary. God bless America.”
If the president would but take this humble path, there is no reason he cannot reconstruct his image and reputation just as Richard Nixon did. In that connection, I have a recommendation for how he can gainfully occupy himself in his post-presidential years. My recommendation assumes he is not in jail or under indictment for various felonies committed while in office. It assumes that he has behaved responsibly by registering as a habitual sex offender in the city or cities where he takes up residence.
Given those caveats, I have identified a job which capitalizes upon Bill’s unique skills and special talents. He has demonstrated that he is a big, lovable, lugubrious lug, able to deliver heartwarming messages of sympathy and inspiration. Specifically, I think he should start a TV Funeral Channel with himself as master of ceremonies. The highly rated send-offs of Princess Diana, Sonny Bono, and John F. Kennedy Jr., prove the audience is there for lavish, star-studded funerals of dignitaries, celebrities and anyone else with the cash to underwrite a big-time burial extravaganza. It’s a sure-fire winner and profit-maker. There is no question in my mind that Bill Clinton has the potential to become the Jerry Springer of the funeral game.
Once Clinton has been shown the way to move forward with his life, it would be appropriate for those Americans who twice put him in office to clear their consciences by also making a public apology to the rest of us. This need not be a groveling apology. Just a simple expression of remorse and a straightforward request for forgiveness will be sufficient.
This is a time for understanding. These faithful followers of left-wing radicalism are not unlike the committed communists who, toward the end, finally were forced to accept that they had organized their lives around a profound system of lies, and staked their salvation on a sick and dying ideology.
This is a human tragedy. It calls for pity and mercy. Those of us on the receiving end of their apology should not gloat. It is difficult for these proud people to accept the reality that they are losers. We should send them on their way, not with lectures and recriminations, but with a simple, constructive message: “Go, and sin no more.”