It’s the perfect solution to disciplining a prominent American problem-child and Taliban prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba: Send them our own scary Talibanesque Mike Tyson.

He’s the perfect match.

They’re radical Muslims. He’s our radical Muslim, having converted Malcolm-X-style to the religion during a previous stint in prison (in the tradition of cop-shooter H. Rap Brown and Tawana Brawley, both now Muslims). They bite. Tyson bites. When Taliban prisoners want to defeat our guards in Camp X-Ray, they bite them – the reason they are being muzzled. Tyson bites boxing opponents when it’s clear it’s the only way he’ll defeat them in and outside the ring. The only difference is that Taliban prisoners insist on only eating Halal meat, according to Muslim dietary laws (a demand in their recently filed “human rights” lawsuit), while Tyson’s menu features such tasty universal non-Halalish delicacies as Ear of Evander Holyfield and Leg of Lennox Lewis.

But when it comes down to it, Tyson and the Taliban prisoners have more than a little in common, stemming from their radical version of Islam. He’s a thug. They are thugs. They’re in prison. He was in prison and is about to go back.

And Tyson and the Taliban share bizarre and abrasive supporters. They both, for example, have strong support from loony Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan. Nutty Farrakhan championed Tyson’s cause and attacked his victim – when Tyson was accused (and later found guilty) of raping black beauty pageant contestant Desiree Washington. Farrakhan now champions the cause of radical Islam and the Taliban and attacks their victims – us. He is constantly sending out missives and messages attacking our war on terror. There is no proof bin Laden and the Taliban perpetrated Sept. 11, he continues to insist. Just like he insisted there was no evidence that Tyson was a rapist. A jury of non-bow-tied normal people – whose names never ended in “X” – thought otherwise and found Tyson guilty.

Then, there is Tyson’s and the Taliban fighters’ respect for women. In the radical Muslim tradition, the Taliban fighters, unable to control even the simplest, most basic of impulses, insisted women be covered from head to toe in black – lest the Taliban men be thrown into a tizzy by sexual arousal from the sight of even a woman’s toenail. Those women who were not thusly covered were badly beaten and tortured. Some were murdered. Many were tortured or murdered for other assorted ridiculous reasons that brought about the unpredictable ire of the Taliban – ire as unpredictable as Tyson’s.

Tyson, unable to control the most simple, basic of impulses, has bragged that his favorite vision of first wife, Robin Givens, was when he hit her so hard that she flew in the air and hit each of the four walls. This brutal thug who makes – and spends – millions boxing the world’s strongest men for a living is as cowardly as the Taliban, beating harmless, defenseless women. There’s the Washington case and the newest alleged rape for which Tyson’s about to be charged.

Las Vegas police, who have requested the Clark County district attorney file felony charges against Tyson, have been investigating him for sexual assault of a woman in September. They have gathered a case file five-and-a-half inches thick stemming from the incident. Too bad for Mikey that he wasn’t a resident of the Taliban’s Afghanistan. Under that regime, his crime would likely go unnoticed, unpunished.

Still don’t believe Tyson’s guilty of Taliban-style violence against women? Read “My Bout With Mike Tyson” by London Guardian photographer Lisa Carpenter. At Tyson’s press conference meltdown, this week, Tyson grabbed his crotch and started shouting at Carpenter, “Bitch, come over here and see what you can do with this!” She’s lucky others were in the room to stop him.

If only the women who died under radical Islam in Afghanistan – and elsewhere –were as lucky.

Given Tyson’s egregious behavior, Nevada State Athletic Commission is now considering whether they’ll re-license Tyson to fight in his scheduled April 6 MGM bout with Lewis. Tyson needs this fight. Once again he has no money, and, conditioned on the fight, Showtime lent him $18 million to pay his taxes. Poor Mike. Were this country controlled by his Islamic religion – the stated goal of many of its radical forces here, he wouldn’t have to pay any taxes, but we non-Muslims would. That’s Islamic law.

Hopefully the Commission will deny him the boxing license. But if they don’t, and the fight goes on, here’s hoping Lewis gives Tyson a nice right hook and knocks him out.

Too bad he can’t do the same to radical Islam.

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