It is rumored that Jedi Master Mace Windu has a certain acronym engraved upon his lightsaber. This is not due to any arcane minutiae from deep within the bowels of the Star Wars canon, but because the actor who plays the Jedi, Samuel L. Jackson, is a notoriously Bad individual with significant Oedipal issues. Although I, like many other red-blooded American males, would like to consider myself likewise Bad, I find that I cannot, despite six years in an egregiously violent martial arts dojo and a bench press of 325 pounds.

I cannot, because I spent most of those six years taking regular beatings at the hands of JD, a true Bad Dude who held a brown belt in jujitsu in addition to his black belt in our style. I can still remember my last belt test, when for one brief shining moment, I thought I could take the man. A kick that sent me flying 10 feet backward into a wall – which I struck so hard that it knocked the wind out of me – quickly illustrated the delusional aspects of that notion.

And I’ll never forget going out clubbing with JD and some other Dragons, and being confronted by a drunken lout who seemed to take offense at the mere notion of the martial arts. When he demanded to know what use our training would be if he were to pull a gun, JD simply smiled, slid back his jacket to reveal a .40 caliber compact Glock, and explained that while he trusted in his ability to cope with those he could reach with his hands and feet, he felt it was also important to be prepared for those he could not.

Like I said, a Bad Dude. Now, what does this have to do with the situation currently facing America? Well, if even a deadly martial artist will freely admit that he is not capable of defending himself against an armed attack without a weapon, then what hope does the average American have?

None. Absolutely none. We are helpless.

And while I agree with the logic of Joseph Farah’s recent argument that suicide bombings are unlikely in America, I am less sure that the next round of al-Qaida attacks will be the sort of shootings executed by the Japanese Red Army, Fatah Tanzim and Hamas Izz a-Din al Kassam. Whereas these groups have simply been trying to kill Jews, al-Qaida seeks to terrorize the most powerful nation on Earth, and mass shootings won’t cut it in the country that invented Columbine.

This does not, of course, mean that Americans should not be prepared. Quite the opposite. I also don’t expect any more hijacking attempts, since everyone in the world now knows that a hijacking no longer means a brief detour to Cuba, but that doesn’t mean we should turn off the metal detectors. Indeed, our president has told us that we must all do our part in this war, and I say that we take him at his word.

Americans must remember We the People are sovereign. We have not only the right, but the responsibility to defend ourselves and our country. Therefore, I am calling for the establishment of an unofficial national holiday, Guns Against Terror Day. And to celebrate it, I have the following three suggestions:

  1. Obtain a firearm, learn how to use it and begin to carry it at all times. Decent people do not find deadly power intoxicating, but sobering instead. This is why exactly zero of the bloodbaths predicted in the 31 states to pass carry laws have ever taken place.

  2. Every commercial airline pilot must ignore the ridiculous announcement by the Transportation Security administration which continues the ban on firearms in the cockpit. If every single pilot in America shows up for work with a nine-millimeter on his belt, are the security bozos really going to shut down the country again? History shows that when faced by mass disobedience, governments always cave.

  3. Teach your kids to shoot. Teach them safety, and to respect the power of a gun. If this war lasts as long as our leaders are telling us it will, they may need those skills someday.

I’m told that America will be under attack soon, so the time to act is now. I think July 4, 2002, would certainly be an appropriate day for We the People to flex our sovereign muscle and take responsibility for defending ourselves.

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