Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.
We are distressed that State Sen. Sheila Kuehl, D-Santa Monica, called it "blatant homophobia" after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger called legislative obstructionists "girlie men" last week.
Ms. Kuehl seemed to be implying that homosexual males are girlie, thus reinforcing the stereotype of gays as lisping, mincing female impersonators. Senator, get thee to sensitivity training!
We are distressed by poor mathematics. The Los Angeles Times reports that Eleanor Smeal, president of the Feminist Majority, said Schwarzenegger's insult had denigrated "half the human race ... He's trying to denigrate the males by denigrating females."
By our calculation, that would be way over half the human race. Ms. Smeal should avoid political comment until she gets her arithmetic right.
Further confusion: Because the California Legislature includes obstructionist women as well as obstructionist men, calling them – collectively – girlie men may be doubly insulting to the women, because women insist women are different, though (We stipulate!) strong.
On the other hand, the governor may have been trying to characterize the entire, obstructionist body has having female characteristics, which Sen. Kuehl and Ms. Smeal would have to view as a compliment. Women, after all, are the nurturers, and Schwarzenegger did make the point that the budget blockers were nurturing the special interests.
Then again, he really may have been trying to insult the Legislature by suggesting that girlie men, weak sisters, limp wrists etc., lacked the fortitude to stand up to the special interests. Come to think of it, that is what he said.
But on the other, other hand, he may just have been trying to get a rise out of these clowns (note: this term is non-gender-specific), in which case he succeeded admirably.
Take the Times' quote from Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, who ably demonstrated that when you're really cornered on an issue, the best thing you can do is pick on the messenger's phraseology.
"This type of third-grade insult only clarifies that the governor has lost his balance and is seemingly unable to stay focused on the issues of the budget ...," Leno said of Schwarzenegger's message. "By playing to certain voters' discomfort with gender and sexuality, the governor has exposed himself to be a divider, not a uniter."
By the way: As of this writing, California still doesn't have a budget.
The most "painful" part of Schwarzenegger's rhetorical sallies was his suggestion that he was ready to pursue a ballot initiative to return the Legislature to part-time status, thus forcing senators and members of the Assembly to work for a living. The vested interests already are dusting off the old arguments, most of which derive from the postulate that California has the fifth largest economy in the world and is the most populous state. It needs a full-time Legislature to cope with its complexity. But how about the counter-argument? If the Legislature were part-time, the members would concentrate on real problems rather than social engineering and would hustle to meet its deadlines – like passing a budget by the end of June.
Here's another painful thought: Willie Brown, the master politician who virtually ruled the state when he was speaker of the Assembly, is termed out as mayor of San Francisco.
Retire? Never. The prince of patronage has filed to run for state insurance commissioner.
We have been asked to forward the following note to former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger:
"Dear Mr. Berger,
"I want you to know I understand how things like your current difficulty can happen. In the course of reviewing over several days thousands of pages of library books on behalf of, well, myself, I inadvertently shoved the complete works of William Shakespeare down the front of my pants one evening as I was leaving.
"When I was informed by the library that the book was missing, I immediately returned everything I had, except for 'Pericles, Prince of Tyre,' which I, through sloppiness, had used to kindle my barbecue.
"The library people said not to worry about it, because nobody read that play anyway. Still, they took away my card and insisted on posting my picture at the checkout desk.
"Hoping you can avoid such embarrassment and that your barbecue went well, I am
"Yours truly,
"Howard Bashford"