Americans: A greedy, selfish, stingy and uncaring people who couldn’t care less about the plight of others, engage in decadent behavior, and are so self-absorbed that they pleasure themselves while looking at satellite photos of the United States.

At least, that’s the approximate definition given by the United Nations and the New York Times editorial board. Yes, the Times is at it again. This, from an editorial last week:

He [President Bush] took issue with an earlier statement by the United Nations’ emergency relief coordinator, Jan Egeland, who had called the overall aid efforts by rich Western nations “stingy.” “The person who made that statement was very misguided and ill informed,” the president said. We beg to differ. Mr. Egeland was right on target.

The tsunami has given the Times’ editorial board what it enjoys the most – even ahead of tearfully viewing Bill Moyers’ farewell show over and over again on TiVo. This is another welcome opportunity to pile on George W. Bush – and now the rest of America as well – for not having ICBM’s tipped with Brinks trucks ready to launch at a moments notice.

Soon, as the amount of money and manpower supplied by the United States to Asia and Africa hits astronomical levels, look for the Times to direct their attention to domestic problems. “We’re sending X amount of dollars overseas when the number of poor and hungry at home is hitting record levels?” When it comes to playing both ends against the middle, the New York Times are maestros. Take the CIA as an example.

Not long ago, the New York Times front-paged an apparently not-so-secret memo from a CIA agent in Iraq saying that the situation there was deteriorating fast and wouldn’t soon be repaired. One can almost see Times’ editors foaming at the mouth like Cujo on a hot day, because it was a fantastic opportunity to do what they like to do – which is to treat Bush like a pinata on Cinco de Mayo.

Conversely, reports of CIA incompetence also make Bush look bad. One day, I did a quick search of the New York Times’ website with the keywords “CIA,” “faulty” and “intelligence” and found a truckload of columns in which they reported about bad intelligence and just plain incompetence from the CIA. They’ve castigated the department. Weeks later, they headlined with a memo attained from that same department, and assumed it as solid fact from a beacon of truth, simply because it, again, made Bush look bad.

The Times editorial concludes in their agreement that America is stingy:

Mr. Bush said yesterday that the $35 million we’ve now pledged “is only the beginning” of the United States’ recovery effort. Let’s hope that is true, and that this time, our actions will match our promises.

This time? The United States could never send another penny abroad, and still contribute more than most other countries put together, if you count serving as a shining example of freedom, liberating the oppressed and tortured, and welcoming with open arms those who are unwanted in other countries.

“Stingy”?

The United States is so stingy that we only paid a price of hundreds of thousands of dead Americans when we put a halt to Japanese aggression and liberated Europe (including the lovable French, who criticize the United States like Rex Reed reviewing “Police Academy” movies) at a cost of over $2 trillion in current U.S. dollars. The “Marshall Plan” for rebuilding after World War II, which was sort of “Extreme Makeover: Europe Edition,” was another huge outlay of money from “stingy” Americans, and saved Europe from post-war disaster.

Selfish Americans helped save a race of people from being exterminated in death camps. The Soviet Union was spent into oblivion during the Cold War. Trillions of dollars were tossed around to create a nuclear deterrent that actually worked, saving millions of lives. Communist Russia crumbled, the world is safer, and more people are free as a result.

America suffered hundreds of casualties kicking Iraq out of Kuwait in the early 1990s. How stingy and selfish of us to pour countless dollars – not to mention the blood, sweat and tears of brave soldiers – into freeing Afghanistan from the grip of the Taliban. America is so stingy that millions of Iraqis are now free at the cost of several thousand U.S. casualties, and that nation is now about to have its first democratic vote. There are literally dozens of other examples.

Thanks to American stinginess, the New York Times is still free – free to generously criticize the sacrifices of the “stingy.”

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