Dear Madam Speaker Pelosi:
One thing all politicians can agree on is the importance of crafting their legacy. As the efforts of the current Oval Office resident demonstrate – it's best to get on this one early. Don't count on others to bail you out, either. A bright, intelligent, articulate woman like yourself will not want to leave any aspect of this important historical revision to chance.
While you are to be congratulated on becoming America's first female speaker, the verdict of history might well be that you were simply "in the right place at the right time." Much will depend on the work you do after this historic achievement. Leave nothing to chance. Select an important, but overlooked, need.
Accordingly, I would suggest that you assemble a small, select team, led by a close political adviser, to begin planning on where America's federal government will be situated following the terrorist nuclear destruction of Washington, D.C.
Certainly, such an act will be a blow to this nation's history. There are so many national monuments commemorating our founding, precious original documents stored away in the National Archives, beautiful state buildings such as the Capitol, the White House, the Supreme Court – and of course Fort Marcy Park.
Once Washington, D.C., no longer exists, schoolchildren will be deprived of tours through these historic places, at least until the radioactivity dissipates. They will need an alternative method of remembering their "roots." Perhaps the federal government could work a deal with Google to make holographic scans of these irreplaceable national treasures – provided some accommodation can be worked out on copyright.
Terrorists will, of course, time their attack for when government is fully involved in some great issue of state. (Great issues of state occur when many politicians are assembled together, working on their individual legacies.) These attacks will be timed to insure maximum impact on the American psyche. Ultimately, I see the loss of the federal government itself as less of an issue than the destruction of the nation's historical artifacts – because the vice president can be moved out of Washington, D.C., once we get wind of an attack, and the entire federal government's responsibilities contracted out to Halliburton (probably at a substantial savings to taxpayers).
Careful attention should be given to siting the new federal government. While the natural tendency among elected representatives is to "bring home the bacon" (or in this case the whole pig), re-siting the federal government in another well-known and established city, such as San Francisco, would only invite further terrorist attack at this new location. (In fact, given the certainty of another attack, one might want to site the new federal government in a rival city.) Obviously, this needs to be given careful consideration.
One of the problems many Americans see is that the old Washington, D.C., had too much room for lobbyists and influence peddlers. It was well-connected with the eastern seaboard, but isolated from much of the rest of the nation. In addition, its only "business" was government, which gave those who moved there to live and work a lopsided view of life. Other than uncomfortable heat and humidity during the summer months, rampant crime and an inflated cost of living, there was no downside to life in the old capital city. (Prior to the terrorist attack, of course.)
All that should change in the new capital city. I would suggest someplace inhospitable and isolated, preferably without an airport, to reduce the number of influence peddlers attracted to the area. Congress would find it much easier to focus on its work without these distractions. In addition, only dedicated public servants, such as yourself, would aspire to political office knowing where they would have to live and work. Discord among members would be reduced – because everyone would want to leave as soon as possible.
But perhaps, Madam Speaker, all this has already occurred to you, and work is under way on these considerations. In fact, I suspect that may be true. Most people know from experience that appeasement only invites further demands, and retreat under attack leads to slaughter by the enemy. So perhaps you are already involved in work on your legacy.
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