Liberals love to boast that they are not “religious,” which is what one would expect to hear from the state-sanctioned religion. – Ann Coulter

This day, America and the world are in a dire cultural, political and spiritual crisis. The very existence of civilization as we know it seems to hang in the balance. Will America be what intellectual Bill Bennett calls “the [world’s] last best hope,” or will America (and the West) go the way of Holland, which in January of this year erected a monument in Amsterdam? The monument was not to Rembrandt, not to Grotius, not to Spinoza, not to van Gogh or to some other commendable icon of Dutch history which to revisionist historians are merely DWMs (dead white males). No, no, no! Now that liberals run the show in the West, in academia, in the courts, in the media, in politics, in culture, this monument, paid for by the good taxpayers of Amsterdam, blessed by the city fathers, is to the glorious Prostitute and to that ancient sacred art … prostitution. Take that, Spinoza!

The following narrative is a humorous (but grave) satire of a monumental legal code that served as one of the great pillars of Western civilization for thousands of years – The Ten Commandments. However, in my treatment, I will first change the setting from 1500 B.C. to modern times. Secondly, instead of Moses going up to Mt. Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments from God, in my liberal version, Walter Cronkite, that lion of liberalism who for almost 40 years surreptitiously (and complicit with the mainstream media) presented a benign, non-partisan, fatherly image as “America’s news broadcaster,” ascends Mt. Sinai. When he gets to the top of the mountain, God is not there. Nobody is there. “There” is only a blank line; “god” is only a tabula rasa, a blank slate to be whatever god you desire.

Since it would be cruel to engrave words into a stone, Cronkite, the scribe, writes down god’s laws in chalk (non-toxic, powderless chalk of course – we must protect the environment).

The following are the Ten Commandments Cronkite has written down for all humanity, for all ages (or at least until the next rain washes the chalk off the tablets of stone).

  1. Thou shall be your own god (humanism), or everything shall be thy god (pantheism), or if you wish, there is no god (atheism), or it is impossible to know if god exists (agnosticism). Since you are god (or anti-god), thou shall believe (or not believe) anything you like.

  2. Thou shall make any graven image of any god you desire, only use non-toxic, dustless chalk that is green-friendly and will erase quickly lest your god’s Ten Commandments offend others who may perchance read your words in the next generation (or the next day) and may find your ideas a bit too judgmental.

  3. Thou shall take the name of the Lord thy god in vain any time you desire, because we as Americans have freedom of speech and freedom from all judgmental religions like Judaism and Christianity.

  4. Forget the Sabbath day (go to the football game) and don’t keep it holy, for you are your own god and as god, you can do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it.

  5. Dishonor thy father and thy mother unless (due to their sex change operations) your father is now your mother and your mother is now your father, or if you’re lucky, you now have two mommies, or you were born via in vitro fertilization – then you are to honor thy legislator or thy judge that allowed thy scientist to make the creation you have become.

  6. Thou shall not kill unless you are a serial murderer, child molester, O.J. Simpson or a murderous Iraqi dictator, for you have done nothing wrong and shalt not be shackled with the guilt of others for exercising your freedom to choose. Thou shalt use thy freedom to choose to kill thy unborn baby in thy womb if thou and thy baby’s daddy break up during the period of gestation and you now hate thy baby’s daddy; or it’s not convenient for you to be pregnant because thou might loose thy sexy shape; or because Planned Parenthood gave you a free choice voucher – whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever … (ad infinitum)

  7. Thou shall commit adultery whenever thou art horny with anything (or anybody) thou wisheth to get thy freak on with. (Freedom of association, right?)

  8. Thou shall steal if thou art poor, a bum, a deadbeat parent, an illegal alien, a member of any disaffected minority group, a politician trying to stir up class envy, or if thou art a member of the propaganda press and you steal military secrets and give them to America’s enemies. That kind of stealing is all good.

  9. Thou shall bear false witness against thy neighbor, especially if he is a right-wing, judgmental, mean-spirited, conservative Republican nut-job like Attila the Hun, Joseph McCarthy, Newt Gingrich, Tom “the Hammer” DeLay, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Ronald Reagan (in absentia), James Dobson, Margaret Thatcher, Mother Teresa (in absentia) or the pope.

  10. Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s house (property taxes to support godless public schools).

    Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s wife (Hollywood, opera, soap operas).

    Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s manservant and his maidservant (renaming illegal immigration an “amnesty program” for migrant workers from Mexico to curry favor with thy Republican corporate masters; or if you are a Democrat, to create a permanent block of uneducated voters that will be indebted to you for generations, i.e., the same strategy that FDR used to build his bulletproof coalition of Jews, blacks, Italians, Germans, Irish and other disaffected ethnic groups with his New Deal programs of the 1930s).

    Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s ox and his ass, and all that is thy neighbors (politicians that draft laws or judges that decree laws that in essence steal from “the rich” and give to “the poor” and call it “a tax credit,” “socialism,” “planned economy,” “social engineering,” “a gift,” or as California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger recently called his proposed tax increase – “a loan”). Reasonable people call those government policies or judicial decrees stealing.

“And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it (the rock ‘n’ roll bands at Woodstock) they removed, and stood afar off. …” and proceeded happily down the road to Perdition.

Note: For the original Ten Commandments, see Exodus 20.

Related special offer:

“So Help Me God: The Ten Commandments, Judicial Tyranny, and the Battle for Religious Freedom”

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