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What I'm doing to stop global warming

According to the global left, the evidence is in: The earth is warming, and it’s all your fault. Don’t blame the sun. The giant ball of fiery gas responsible for all climate change over the past few million years isn’t the problem. It’s you. In particular, it’s you Americans, you big-spending, high-on-the-hog, corporation-supporting, First World gluttons with your shiny gas-guzzling sports cars and central heating.

Well, global left, your words have finally hit home. I finally realized correlation does equal causation after all. As one of the pig-Americans you so despise, I pledge to do my utmost to mitigate the threat of global warming.

And so, without further ado, I henceforth dedicate myself to achieving the following goals to aid Mother Earth:




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