Folding faster than Neville Chamberlain! Spending more money than a fleet of drunken sailors. Able to terrorize millions of New Yorkers with a single plane. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s – Obamaman!
Rumored to have been born on a continent far, far away, Obamaman began his career as a mild-mannered, Harvard-educated community organizer in the Chicago slums. After a brief stint in the Illinois legislature, and a shorter term as a U.S. senator, Obamaman now disguises himself as a humble citizen of the world, and the president of the United States.
It is in the Oval Office that Obamaman uses his vastly superior intellect to run not only the executive branch of the government, but also the banks, General Motors and Chrysler. He and his trusty sidekick, Teleprompter, also have designs upon the hospitals, energy companies, credit card companies, farms, fields, streams and air. If there is a problem, Obamaman reads off Teleprompter that he will, uh, you can move it up, solve it. The actual solutions only exist, though, in the alternate dimension of REAL WORLD.
The only thing Obamaman fears is free-marketite. Whenever exposed to free-marketite, Obamaman’s inflated ego bursts to reveal the ineptitude of central government planning. That is why Obamaman is having his minions “Tiny” Tim Geithner, Janet “Right-wing extremists beware” Napolitano, Eric “Renditions were cool with Clinton” Holder, Nancy “Botox is mandated health care coverage” Pelosi and “Dirty” Harry Reid root every atomic particle of free-marketite from American culture. Also helping in this quest to make the world safe for Obamunism is the Grand Doctor of Climatic Doom, AlGORE, who is tasked with capping and trading away American industry. The only member of this Injustice League that has been quiet of late is Hillary! Apparently, with the Taliban taking over Pakistan, North Korea launching missiles over Japan and Iran pumping out more fissile material than Carrie Prejean haters, foreign policy is as invisible as her jet.
Howard “Screech” Dean says we’ve had enough capitalism over the past eight years. Obamaman must surely agree because a capitalist, under the influence of real-worldly free-marketite, seeks to make a profit. Obamaman prefers to drown the nation with the red ink of endless public debt. In the real world, that is called insolvency. Under Obamunism it is called “investing” and stimulus plans. High taxes are called “sacrifices” and patriotic. In the real world, high taxes are legalized theft and idiotic. The world of “1984″ has arrived, just two decades later than predicted probably due to the arch-nemesis of Obamunism, Ronnie Ray Gun.
America reels under the assault of Obamaman as we wait for the tea to brew a new crop of mutants to combat the horde of Obamunist henchman sent out to get the GPS coordinates of each citizen’s front door. America needs a conservative Wolverine to slash government’s size and scope, Captain America to defeat fascists at home and abroad, and Iron Man to stand tall and take the political shots the adversaries of liberty throw at us. Too far-fetched for the real world? Obamaman hopes so. … Where is Darth Cheney when you need him?