There’s an old saying that goes, “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean you’re wrong.” Lately I’ve taken that as my personal motto.

That’s because everything about our government seems designed to make me feel paranoid. They want my guns. They want my money. They want to dictate my lighting options. They want to microchip my livestock. If I attend a tea party protesting our trillions in deficit spending, or if I am against abortion, or if I object to illegal immigration, I’m lumped with terrorists. If I stare at a man dressed in drag – even though he’s dressed in drag in order to be stared at – I’m guilty of a “hate” crime.

So what’s a paranoid housewife to do?

“Is it just me,” inquired my oldest daughter a few months ago, “or are things getting crazier and crazier?”

“It’s not just you,” I replied. “They are getting crazier.”

And it gets nuttier every day. Our government is kicking our economy in the tush and encouraging it to tank by spending trillions it doesn’t have. It says offering cash for clunkers will save our economy. It wants to take over health insurance, assuring us that it’s a “right.” (Documentation please!) It is spending trillions of dollars on certifiably idiotic ideas such as government-run “private” businesses and government-run health care and government-run schools. It wants to impose harsh restrictions that will close thousands of small businesses. It wants to take over my health insurance. It wants my personal information. It wants to restrict my ability to raise my children as I see fit. It wants to know how many toilets I have in my house, how long it takes me to get to work, and what my mental condition might be (hint: mistrustful). Now tell me, does any of this strike you as ominous?

So what’s a paranoid housewife to do?

Leave? Believe me, I’ve fanaticized about it. I find myself longing for a place where a “don’t tread on me” philosophy still exists. I confess I’ve taken to trolling Google Earth for a distant island where I can have my family and my friends and my guns and my cattle and my orchard and my garden and have the rest of the insane, mad world leave us alone. (Norfolk Island springs attractively to mind.)

Display the liberty-infused motto “Don’t Tread on Me” with flags, shirts, caps, more!

Being so close to Canada, I’ve entertained the thought of fleeing over the border. But would we be any better off there than here? I don’t think so. I understand Canada is even worse than the U.S. when it comes to government intrusion … or maybe not. Our government may beat theirs in that aspect pretty soon.

And the trouble with hiding on a distant island is there’s no place to go if they come for you. Oops, does that sound too paranoid?

Now I grant it’s a pretty sad state of affairs for a citizen to be afraid of her government, but it’s nothing unusual. In fact, throughout history it’s been the norm rather than the exception. And maybe therein lies my complaint: Our government used to be the exception. Now it’s the norm. It’s changed from the Founding Fathers’ vision of a lean, streamlined, minimal experiment in individual rights protection, a system that catapulted the United States light years beyond other countries in terms of freedoms, liberties and growth. Now we’re slowing down to the plodding level of so many other Western nations, and I don’t mean in terms of the economy. I mean in terms of personal freedoms. I mean in the freedom to live our lives as we see fit. To screw up or redeem ourselves under our own impetus, free from government intrusion.

In times past, if someone was “after” you, you had the freedom to melt into the wilderness and disappear (sometimes forever – interpret that as you will). Today we don’t have that option. The last frontier is not a place one can survive easily.

The days of running away are over. There is no more “last frontier” to which we can flee and hide and be free. There’s no place to escape the long arm of government control (ours, or another country’s).

In other words, there’s no place to go. Which means I’ll have to stick it out where I am and make the best of things.

So what’s a paranoid housewife to do?

Draw a line. Make a stand. You or I can’t do it alone – we need the help of other like-minded people. We need to “community up.” To an extent, this is already happening.

The elites now claim that the hordes who protest at tea parties or (increasingly) town hall meetings are products of some sort of vast right-wing conspiracy. We’re a mob, a load of mind-numbed robots controlled by Nazi-like insurance companies. We’re too stupid to know what’s good for us.

The elites are wrong, of course. We protesters are ordinary citizens who have been forced into awareness of the government’s blatant violation of its limitations, and we are exercising our First Amendment rights before it’s too late. The elites don’t like this. The sheeple – that sleeping giant – are awakening. What a dangerous prospect (for somebody).

That’s why we all need to become paranoid. The government IS after us. The sleeping giant has become aware of this, hence tea parties and rowdy town hall meetings and other unacceptable forms of First Amendment expressions.

Remember the real motto of this country: E pluribus unum. Out of many, one. The “vast right-wing conspiracy” is becoming more united. Farmers, factory workers, peace officers, store owners, plumbers and so many others are now aware of the dangers that await us in this brave new world the government wants to force on us “for our own good.”

We must stop the elites from thinking for us. We already know what’s in our own best interests – and it ain’t them.

About time, too.

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