Editor’s note: Some of the play titles and descriptions below may be offensive to some readers.

Advertisement for Columbia University’s “XMAS!” inviting students to “get into the naughty and nice ‘XMAS!’ spirit”

This Christmas season, an alarming number of universities and theaters are planning plays and musicals that turn the traditional celebration of Christ’s birth into a “raunchy” glorification of fornication and perversion, warns a well-known Catholic spokesman.

“For whatever reason, there are more raunchy Christmas plays this year than ever before,” says Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League. “Not surprisingly, many are gay-themed, most are confined to the east and west coasts and all are loved by art critics. The plays run the gamut from the irreverent to the vulgar.”

And while New York Times theater critic Neil Genzlinger did not “love” the sex-themed Christmas plays his city’s theaters are performing – in fact, he gave scathing reviews to several – he too noticed the glut of smut arriving just in time for Christmas.

“Yes, it’s the holiday season, and that means beloved sacred and secular stories are being bisected, dissected and disrespected all over town,” writes Genzlinger. “Sadly, you’ve already missed ‘Naked Girls Reading: A Christmas Carol,’ but you can still catch ‘Naked Holidays N.Y.C. ’09: Fear of a Black Santa,’ ‘Filthy Lucre: A Burlesque Christmas Carol,’ ‘Menorah Horah,’ ‘The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever!’ and several dozen more.”

In a statement, Donohue specifically called out the following theater productions:

  • “Naked Holidays N.Y.C. ’09: Fear of a Black Santa,” which is being performed at New York City’s Ace of Clubs in the East Village and which features, among other eye-popping moments, the decapitation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
  • “Filthy Lucre: A Burlesque Christmas Carol,” performed at Walkerspace in the Big Apple’s TriBeCa, in which a nude, female Scrooge is challenged by ghosts to reconsider running her strip club (“Perhaps this ‘Christmas Carol’ isn’t the best choice for the kiddies,” writes Genzlinger)
  • “The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever!” performed at the city Actors’ Playhouse in Greenwich Village
  • “Santa Claus is Coming Out” at the Kirk on Manhattan’s Theater Row
  • “Hot Babes in Toyland” at the Players Theater Loft in New York City’s Greenwich Village, in which baby Jesus is electrocuted
  • “A Very Sandwich Christmas” at the Abrons Arts Center on New York City’s Lower East Side, in which a fetal rabbit morphs into baby Jesus
  • “XMAS!” a student-written musical performed now in its fourth year at Columbia University and described in the university newspaper as “90 minutes of blasphemous hilarity,” including “a Virgin Mary desperate for sex (who, by the way, is also on birth control ‘just in case’)”
  • “The 8: Reindeer Monologues,” being performed at the Sol Theatre Project in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., described by South Florida Sun-Sentinel theater writer Jack Zink as “tirades that reveal Santa’s North Pole compound as a sex-obsessed, egocentric cult encampment”
  • The third annual “How the Drag Queen Stole Christmas,” at the Oakland Center for the Arts in Youngstown, Ohio
  • “Ham for the Holidays: Lard Potion No. 9,” which features a rainbow-vested gay men’s chorus, at the Theater Off Jackson in Seattle, Wash.
  • “It Came from Under the Tree!: A Pickled Puppet Christmas Special” at the Annex Theater in Seattle, Wash., which, theater critic Brendan Kiley points out, includes women who “go through mechanical sex-scene actions, stroking oversize candy canes and clumsily humping each other”
  • “Madonna’s Christmas Celebration,” on a six-city cross-country tour and performed by draq queen Mimi Imfurst portraying the Virgin Mary to tell audiences “how it really was” when the mother of Christ was impregnated by God.

“For some reason,” quipped Donohue in a statement, “we could find not a single play disrespecting Ramadan.”

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