Many political analysts and pollsters have been noticing the growing number of citizens reporting Obama Voters Remorse, or OVR. Americans experiencing OVR report symptoms such as job loss, savings evaporation, hypocrisy exhaustion, national-debt insomnia and global-warming skepticism.
Yet the most significant political news may be that Obama Voters Remorse is rarely found in a certain substrata of the population, our “political elites,” who instead exhibit symptoms of a new epiphenomenon known as Obama Stockholm Syndrome. Persons experiencing OSS display a compulsive and irrational need to reaffirm their vote for Obama no matter what happens in the real world. Thus, they are curiously immune to attacks of Obama Voters Remorse.
The demographic differences in the two groups are extraordinary.
While Obama Voters Remorse has been detected across diverse segments of American society, from construction workers in the Mountain West, senior-citizen retirees in the South and soccer moms in Pennsylvania, the symptoms of Obama Stockholm Syndrome are confined almost entirely to four insular populations. OSS is most likely to be found among university faculty clubs, mainstream-media newsrooms, windmill-farm technicians and Hollywood celebrities. Nevertheless, OSS can strike anywhere the New York Times is sold.
The following list of the 10 most common OSS symptoms may help concerned citizens recognize this affliction in friends or relatives and assess the seriousness of the condition. Treatment and rehabilitation are possible if the disease has not progressed to Stage Four.
The afflicted person should be asked to agree or disagree with each of the following 10 statements, with one to five points awarded depending on the degree of agreement with the statement. Appropriate treatment will be based on the person’s score on a scale from 10 to 50 points.
- You believe that the Obama bumper sticker on your Prius automatically extends its warranty to the year 2016.
- You think Obama should have won the Nobel Prize in Philanthropy for giving away other people’s money.
- You believe that the 1.5 million people who protested excessive government spending on the Capitol Mall on Sept. 12 were all part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.
- You believe the colder winters across Europe and North America over the past 11 years, the cooling of the Pacific Ocean and the increased ice accumulation in the Antarctic are all convincing evidence of global warming.
- You think the best way to stop the drug cartel violence in Mexico from spilling into the U.S. is to curtail handgun sales in Omaha, Denver and Spokane.
- You think Obama’s acquiescence to Iran’s nuclear weapons is a giant step toward peace in the Middle East.
- You believe that giving amnesty to 15 million illegal aliens will actively discourage another 15 million from coming across our open borders in the decade ahead.
- You believe that a committee of United Nations bureaucrats should be given a veto over U.S. economic policies in order to reverse the destruction of the planet’s environment by American capitalism.
- You think al-Qaida will not attack America again because Barack Hussein Obama and not George Bush is now the face of America in the Muslim world.
- You believe that Obamacare will provide better health care for more Americans at lower cost without rationing because government-run services are always more efficient than services provided by the greedy private sector.
Persons who agree strongly with all ten statements earn a score of 50 points, while those who disagree strongly will score only 10 points. Individuals scoring 11 to 16 have only a very mild case of OSS, identified as Stage One. They should begin a daily journal to record new symptoms and conduct a rigorous self-assessment of weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Persons scoring 17 to 24 on the quiz are at Stage Two OSS and have a serious problem coping with reality. They should immediately read Glenn Beck’s book “Arguing with Idiots” and attend the next tea-party protest.
Individuals scoring 25 to 32 are at Stage Three OSS and may need intervention by friends or relatives. They should immediately call a doctor and ask for a list of the nearest Obamaholics Anonymous meetings.
Anyone scoring 33 or above (66 percent, or strong agreement with the 10 statements) are at Stage Four OSS, which is frequently irreversible and incurable. The only known treatment formula with some record of success is to go “cold turkey” by giving up MSNBC, the Daily Kos and Bill Maher completely.
Fortunately, according to the most reliable surveys, only 19 percent of the U.S. population has Stage Four Obama Stockholm Syndrome. However, that figure can range up to 88 percent on some Ivy League campuses and inside West Coast newsrooms and Illinois state correctional facilities.
Thus, there is some good news as we enter 2010. While Obama Stockholm Syndrome continues to provide immunities to Obama Voters Remorse in some important sectors, it does not appear to be a decisive influence for the American electorate as a whole, and rehabilitation is possible if detected and treated in its early stages.