• Text smaller
  • Text bigger

Sodomy and oral sex: these will be the topics the nation’s military brass will be studying – not-too-closely, we hope – between now and December.

The priapic preoccupation of some very senior soldiers is part of a new Pentagon study aimed at reviewing the 17-year-old military legal code related to ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ including rules on buggery and related practices.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell (DADT),” explains Wikipedia, “is the common term for the policy restricting the United States military from efforts to discover or reveal closeted gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members or applicants, while barring those that are openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual from military service.” “Serving openly” is said to “create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability.”

In his State of the Union remarks, President Obama promised to work with Congress towards repealing DADT laws. The generals, sitting in the front row, were conspicuously stony-faced. Not so the animated Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who practically pleaded before a Senate panel for gays to be allowed to serve openly in uniform.

The trouble with the military, however – besides its imperial reach and bloated size – is not gays. It is, rather, that the ranks these days are either rutting furiously or supporting the right to rut, and now, scrutinizing the mating habits of grunts.

A few weeks back, an industrious Army general in Iraq sought to limit the wages of whoring in the military. In November of 2009, Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo III, quite reasonably, issued a policy “forbidding pregnancy among his soldiers.” He was never heard of again. I think Cucolo was court marshaled ─ at least in public opinion.

Although directed at men and women alike, Cucolo’s edict was scrapped soon after issuance due to the outrage it generated among advocacy groups and among senators for whoopee in the military. To fornicate and procreate on the public dime is considered a civil right.

Everyone knows that the military is much like the culture at large: a big whorehouse. Not a day goes by when some single, military mom does not battle publicly for special privileges owed for offspring spawned in the service. If the victims of the Jihadi who committed fratricide at the Fort Hood base represent a cross-section of the U.S. military – this sample included a pregnant Latina.

On one level, Army Spc. Alexis Hutchinson’s story was a good-news story: She refused to deploy to warbot Obama’s Afghanistan theatre on account of her love child. The bad news is that the Army is packed with women like her, around whom welfare policies are fashioned and to whom reproductive health-care services are rendered.

As one policy paper put it, “The military does not prohibit women from pursuing what is an important part of the life cycle.” And, “military services should ensure that they have robust training programs in place to educate both men and women on their responsibilities as potential parents.”

Needless to say, al-Qaida is not burdened by such baggage.

The military is soaked in sex. The presence of women has helped this state of affairs. Throw together young men and willing women – and you’ve created an undisciplined, sexually charged atmosphere. Coupled with enabling laws, this combustible admixture is bound to yield bumper crops of unmarried moms and (poor) baby bastards.

Expunge straight women from the military and you’ve cleansed the force of the toxic effect they have on esprit de corps, and on rates of illegitimacy and welfarism. The military will have been returned to an earlier formation; that of a disciplined band of men united in common purpose.

I say remove straight women; but recruit the lesbian Amazonian lady. She is a rare creature who can match men in physicality. Seek her. Keep her. In an increasingly feminized, soft society, warrior women need the military as an outlet for their abilities.

In this all-male outfit the tendency to strut one’s sexuality, straight or gay, will be much reduced. Think of an all-boy school. Hanky-panky happens, but it’s hidden.

Incidentally, homosexual men are not necessarily effeminate – all the more so men who’ve chosen a military career; they are unlikely to be limp at the wrist. Moreover, while the face of DADT on cable TV is Dan Choi – a gay lieutenant in the United States Army fired for stepping out – I wager that for every Mr. Choi there are many Messrs Anonymous, who’d rather stay mum about their beloveds (or bathhouse exploits).

In answer to the facile DADT debate, here are my three “Rs”:

  1. Remove ladies from the military.

  2. Restore the proverbial closet as a symbol of discretion, not oppression.
  3. Revive indiscriminate discretion.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” will now apply to all military men, hets and homos alike.

  • Text smaller
  • Text bigger
Note: Read our discussion guidelines before commenting.