There are several members of Congress – you probably know which ones I mean – who
remind me of the old lava lamps from the 1960s. Ordinarily, they are submerged in slime and sit quietly in the background. But every so often the light shines on them and they bubble slowly to the
surface, where they issue a pompous pronouncement, and then slide back down into the slime.
In fact, the lava lamp is perhaps a reasonable depiction of America’s federal government right now.
- Glub, glub, glub – global warming – glub, glub, glub.
- Glub, glub, glub – save the whales – glub, glub, glub.
- Glub, glub, glub – eat the children – glub, glub, glub.
- Glub, glub, glub – union bailouts – glub, glub, glub.
- Glub, glub, glub – V.A.T. – glub, glub, glub.
- Glub, glub, glub – it’s Bush’s fault – glub, glub, glub.
You get the picture. The current Congress seems to have been submerged in their own slime for so long, they’ve suffered irreparable brain damage from Potomac fever. Congress is
comatose. Members are confined to an eternal purgatory of their own rhetoric, where nothing is ever
resolved, and the law of unintended consequences is the handwriting on the wall.
Glub, glub, glub – more regulation – glub, glub, glub.
But pray tell, oh oracle of glubness, wasn’t it your regulation – and your regulators – who
allowed the banks to become “too big to fail”? And wasn’t it “we the people” who had to
mortgage our children to pay for the bank bosses’ bonuses? And wasn’t it your campaign funds – the ones banks and brokerages felt compelled to stuff into your pockets just before each election – that bought you another term?
Some of the more adroit old-timers surface only for the television cameras. Glub, glub, glub – fight corruption – glub, glub, glub – sell my vote – glub, glub, glub – my bill – glub, glub, glub.
As I recall (it has been a long time), some of the fancier lava lamps back in those days had a heat control that made the lamp glub faster when you turned up the heat.
I wonder if that means we should see some spectacular displays when our selfless members of Congress disburse to “town halls” with the “folks back home.”
Will the extra heat just make the cycle go faster: Glub glub glub – transparency – glub glub glub? Or will our slime-glubbing representatives actually get more words in for each trip to the surface: Glub, glub, glub – working hard for you – glub, glub, glub?
I don’t know about you, but I think it’s lights out for this Congress.