I think I’ve finally figured out who Obama really is. Not his identity and citizenship, which – unlike any other president in history – remains a mystery. No, I mean who he is. Here’s a very brief biography:

“Smeagol’s original name was Trahald, the Anglicized equivalent of which is Smeagol. … In the day of his … coming of age, he went fishing with his cousin Deagol. While fishing, Deagol saw something glittering under the surface of the water, dove in after it, and came up with a glittering gold ring. Before even knowing the qualities of the beautiful ring, Smeagol’s desire to own it overtook him. … He soon developed many undesirable qualities, like stealing, eavesdropping, and being sneaky whenever he had the opportunity. …” (TheOneRing.net)

Smeagol, of course, is Gollum, the pathetic creature in “The Lord of the Rings” who lived underground with the one ring that held the power over all the others. The ring consumed him, and in the end destroyed him. (Even if you disagree with this analogy, you must admit to the physical similarities between Gollum and Obama, no?)

The tidal wave of media dishonesty and hatred that saturated the political landscape during the Bush years primed so-called independents and first-time voters to vote for anyone else, which they did, in lemming-like droves.

That one act of catharsis has now cost the typical family of four about a million dollars in debt that their children will live with – and repay – rather than improving their standard of living, which has historically been the case in America.

The cost to freedom, which the Constitution enshrined as individual liberty (i.e., freedom from the state) is incalculable. The power of the king, which our forefathers banished during the revolutionary war, has been very much restored. He now rules with his hereditary dukes and earls, who share the spoils of the nation with him. The only choice this power-obsessed left has ever cared about – abortion – will soon be the only medical choice available to American serfs.

Unless, of course, you are the privileged, East-Coast elite. From that viewpoint, a nation of serfs kept under their ring finger must look pretty good.

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