“It’s really not my place to ask, Ma’am,” said the delivery man from the horse ranch to the lady of the house, as he counted the thick wad of hundred-dollar bills she’d handed him for delivering a horse to her Park Avenue luxury apartment and positioned it with feed for a day in the bathtub of the master bathroom, “but would you please tell me why you’re going to this much expense and trouble to put a horse in your bathtub?”
“I’d be happy to,” she replied. “The man to whom I’m married has come home every night for the past 35 years, brushed by me at the front door without a kiss or a hug, plunked himself down into his easy chair, hidden himself behind the Wall Street Journal and said, ‘What’s new, Dear?’”
“Tonight,” she said, “I want to have an answer!”
And that is exactly why I want to see Christine O’Donnell win that Senate seat in Delaware. The joy of depriving the Obama agenda of another Senate seat is, for me, slightly less important.
You may not want to admit it, but I sense millions of you feel the same way. When the question of “What’s new?” comes up the day after the midterm elections, I want to shout, “Everything!”
I tell you this not with pride (I was too stupid) and not with shame (I was too young), but in school I joyously took part in the kind of misbehavior we knew would “appall” those teachers who richly needed a good appalling.
And our American rebellion today goes far beyond “Defeat the Left!” That’s nothing but policy. The pogrom against Christine makes me want to spring the length of my chain and sink my fangs into her tormentors: not as an act of aggression, just as a long-overdue reform.
There have long been certain well-known “disqualifiers” in politics. In New York, for example, you dare not run if you ever missed voting in an election (the enemy can’t tell – officially – how you voted, but it’s a matter of public record if you voted).
Or, you might squeak through if the camera ever caught you with a glass in your hand. Then again, you might not. If you owed the IRS a dime, regardless of the innocence of the surrounding circumstances, you were politically over with. If you were having any kind of “hard time” financially, again, regardless of the circumstances, you were out. You could profess your Christian faith, but if you dared show your belief in any fundamental Christian tenet like “creationism” or “right to life”, you were out. President Nixon was almost blackballed for having chronic five-o’clock shadow!
Do you understand the “body-chemistry” of true rebellion? The Hungarian Freedom Fighters didn’t merely want to get their hands on the hands-on torturers inside the Communist Secret Police headquarters during the 1956 uprising; they wanted the Communist Red Star toppled from the building and crashed into the street.
The “gotcha gang” points the bony finger of indignation at Christine and accuses her of glomming onto campaign funds to avoid foreclosure of her home? Have you seen the undenied and undeniable crimes of nonpayment epidemic throughout the entire Obama team?
We don’t know if Hitler could have mustered the gall to call Ahmadinejad an anti-Semite, but Democrats have no hesitation denouncing the financial irregularities of Christine O’Donnell. What propels me onward? Merely imagining the looks on those Democrats’ faces when Christine wins!
If I were on Christine’s committee I’d counsel a Reaganesque riposte. Remember when he flattened his opponent Walter Mondale when all the whispering was about Reagan’s advanced second-term age?
Do you remember what Reagan’s blowtorch did to Mondale’s cobweb when Reagan said, “I agree age should not be an issue in this campaign. I will henceforth make no mention of my opponent’s youth and inexperience!”
I want to see Christine O’Donnell pick up the sharpest satirical sword and do a bloodless massacre. Others have suggested she appear on Halloween on a broomstick in a witch’s costume. No! I want her to come on dressed like a young female senator and say, “I’m sorry my makeup crew missed the plane. I had intended to come on tonight on a broomstick dressed in my witch’s costume with my tall, black pointed hat and cast a hex on Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Obamacare!”
Christine has said a lot of “unsayable” things about witchcraft, evolution, masturbation – the works. And her enemies are so sure of her self-obliteration they can’t wait for her election-night immolation.
I say her opponents have said worse things about where they’d like to take America; let’s vote!
Meanwhile, Christine’s made some happy history already by turning down all major network TV appearances. That, by itself, is a revolution. It’s like Angelina Jolie begging Michael Moore for a date – and getting turned down flat! Why should Christine willingly walk into attempted political assassination?
Sure, Christine has a lot of learn, but she’s shown she’s already learned from that tourist hotel in the Catskills that posted a sign in the dining room that said, “In order to prevent guests from removing fruit from the dining room, there shall henceforth be no more fruit!”