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Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

California Gov. Jerry Brown has vetoed the back-door affirmative action measure discussed here a couple of weeks ago. You may recall, the legislative measure would have allowed California’s public universities to consider race and ethnicity in admissions for the supposed benefits of diversity, “so long as no preference is given.”

A veto was in order, and the governor came through. However, he then turned around and signed the so-called Dream Act, into law. The measure will allow illegal alien students to compete with American citizens for scarce scholarship dollars.

This will encourage a sort of affirmative action on our college campuses. It will increase diversity, not only by bringing aboard more Hispanic students (as most California illegals are Hispanic) but also by providing legal residents the kind of cultural uplift that comes from association with lawbreakers.

Remember the original argument for affirmative action: Give minorities and women a chance, let them learn the ropes, and soon they’ll be able to compete on an equal basis.

It has been a couple of generations now since the policy came into vogue, but women and certain minorities – some argue – still can’t make it on their own. Alas!

Perhaps Dream Act preferences will be obsolete in a few years – along with our national borders.



Computer gamesmanship: “California should make every effort to maintain the integrity of our democracy by ensuring that every eligible citizen has access to a convenient and secure means of registering to vote.”

So says California state Senate Bill 397, which authorizes online voter registration in the Golden State. It directs the secretary of state to develop computer access to citizens’ signatures – such as those on driver’s licenses – for the purpose of confirming online sign-ups. This will be a boon to members of a populace whose nether limbs are withering as they sit for hours, playing computer games.


Mens sana in corpore sano: Which brings us to those confusing television commercials that show NFL athletes encouraging children to play outside for all of 60 minutes a day!

But the ads are unclear: Should that be 60 minutes all at once? Or should that hour be broken into 30- or 15-minute segments? Who is going to time the moppets? What will happen if they play for 63 minutes on Tuesday? Will that mean they should play only 57 minutes on Wednesday? If they play two hours a day during the first week of November, can they bank the extra hours and take a week off in the next 12 months?

Life was so much less complicated when we would play outside all day, every day, from morning to dusk and sometimes into the dark. Clearly, we must have been over-exercised.


Sorry, wrong number: President Obama made a courtesy call to House Speaker John Boehner last week to congratulate him on the passage of free-trade bills.

Woops! Won’t do that again. Boehner took the occasion to call the president a liar. Well, that’s a little extreme. The speaker noted that the president had been speechifying about Republicans’ failure to produce their own jobs plan, then reminded him the GOP had produced such a plan in May, had discussed it with the administration “on numerous occasions” and had since outlined areas of possible agreement with Obama’s own jobs bill.

At this, the president crinkled a piece of cellophane next to his telephone, said, “You’re breaking up,” and rang off.


Straight shooter: The National Rifle Association’s Wayne LaPierre is calling the “Fast and Furious” gun-running scandal “the biggest cover-up since Watergate.” Perhaps. Certainly it is the biggest since Bill Clinton hid Monica Lewinsky under the Oval Office desk.

This status might not last, however. It may soon be overtaken by the Energy Department’s “green energy” loan guarantee scandal.

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