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Don't look for Saint Burt bobbleheads!

Posted By Burt Prelutsky On 11/29/2011 @ 1:21 pm In Commentary | Comments Disabled

Recently, in writing an article in which I was bemoaning all the tax dollars Obama blew on Solyndra, I typed $500 “billion” before I realized I had meant to type $500 “million.” Fortunately, I corrected it before the article was posted. The reason I’m mentioning it is to acknowledge that we are all prone to error, and in this case I wasn’t even under any pressure. So I can certainly empathize with people running for president when they suffer a brain freeze, the way Herman Cain did when asked how he felt about the way Obama had handled Libya, and Gov. Perry did when asked which three departments of government he would cut.

I can even empathize with Cain’s asking how to say “delicious” in Cuban. In fact, it reminded me of Obama’s referring to the Austrian language, known to the rest of us as German. That, in turn, reminded me of his referring to 57 states, which in turn reminded me that he recently placed Hawaii in Asia, which inevitably reminded me that he had mentioned an intercontinental railroad as one of the things he hoped to build if only Congress would pass a second stimulus bill.

In short, we all make mistakes, but it’s only when a Republican makes a gaffe that the MSM feels it’s worth mentioning and that the pathetic likes of David Letterman, Jon Stewart and Rachel Maddow insist on beating into the ground.

With all the recent evidence of insider trading going on in Washington, I found myself wondering if I could resist the temptation if I were Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner or John Kerry. I decided that I probably couldn’t. I’d like to think that I’d be as strong and moral as a Christian martyr, but I don’t see canonization anywhere in my future. I’m afraid there won’t be any little Saint Burts bobbing around on anyone’s dashboard.

What is needed is a law that makes it just as illegal for members of Congress to engage in insider stock trading as it was for Martha Stewart. Unfortunately, as with term limits, the folks in a position to do something about it are the very same creeps who have a rooting interest in maintaining the status quo.

I heard recently that in 1790, there were only 20 different federal crimes on the books. Today, there are 4,500. I don’t think it’s asking too much that there be 4,501.

In case any Republican intends to stay home on Nov. 6 if his pet candidate doesn’t get the GOP nomination, I’d like to remind them that in just three years Obama placed Sotomayor and Kagan on the Supreme Court. If, God forbid, Scalia or Thomas had died or retired during that time, there’s no question that Obamacare would be ruled constitutional next year. So when you’re sitting home pouting because Herman Cain or Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman or Ron Paul, doesn’t win the nomination, ask yourself who you want to see selecting the next justices, Barack Obama or somebody with an (R) after his name.

I’m sure there were some boneheads who were offended when Mrs. Obama was booed at the last NASCAR event of the year. There are always going to be those who are easily offended by almost anything. The fact is she deserved to be booed. Those who showed their displeasure were letting her know that they knew this was just a clumsy P.R. stunt to garner a few votes for her husband. I have no way of knowing whether it was NASCAR or the White House that decided it would be a great idea to give the first lady the honor of saying “Start your engines,” but there’s more than enough blame to go around.

This is the woman, as NASCAR’s patriotic fans surely remembered, who said that she had never had reason to be proud of America until her husband deigned to run for president. For his part, her husband was the schmuck who went to San Francisco and curried favor with a bunch of rich liberals by referring to the very people who comprise the majority of the NASCAR faithful as “those folks who cling to their guns and their religion.”

Bill O’Reilly, ever the high-school instructor, likes to teach his audience a new word just about every day. The only problem is that he insists on introducing arcane words that everyone forgets five seconds after he goes off the air. I mean, how often are you going to sneak “bulkateer,” meaning a person who overlooks meritorious behavior, into your conversation? Try it even once and you’re going to get weird looks and just maybe a punch in the nose.

Instead, judging by the email I often receive, he should focus on teaching people the difference between “your” and “you’re,” “its” and “it’s,” and “there,” “their” and “they’re.”

It really makes you wonder what they’re teaching in public schools these days besides how to keep a banana from getting another banana pregnant.


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