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 Breaking wind news

Covering the news is always a gas, and 2011 was no exception.

Let’s start with Congressman Barney Frank, who was accused of floating an air biscuit on MSNBC. You be the judge:

Ironically, at the top of the screen during the alleged emission, the MSNBC graphic stated, “Lean Forward.”

Washington Post blogger Alexandra Petri asked, “Did Barney Frank fart on Rachel Maddow’s show last night? I hope so.”

One online commenter said, “It’s the chair,” but another opined, “You just heard the mating call of the Americus Homo Sexualis on live TV.”

Meanwhile, the African country of Malawi actually talked about making flatulence a criminal offense, not to mention a nasal one.

One Malawian told the website Africanews.com: “My goodness. What happens in a public place where a group is gathered. Do they lock up half a minibus? And how about at meetings where it is difficult to pinpoint ‘culprits’?

“Children will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder,” she said.

But the biggest stink involved U.S. Marines stationed in Afghanistan.

The Marine Corps Times reports American warriors were warned not to do their blasting audibly, because it offends Afghans.

One person wondered: “How and the heck are you supposed to open a can of whoopa– without lettting the gas out?”

The Times published a hilarious list of dozens of exquisite synonyms for letting one rip, including “backdoor trumpets,” “barking spiders,” “Chanel No. 2,” “talking pants” and, of course, “grounds for divorce.”

Heavenly sights

Jesus was thought to make His annual guest appearances before His Second Coming, as people believed they caught glimpses of the King of kings in ordinary objects.

San Francisco pilot Sandra Clifford snapped a mysterious image on Ireland’s Cliffs of Moher, and thought it was Jesus immediately.

The Rock of salvation?

Jesus was also thought to be seen in a wooden chair that Lou Balducci of Mission Viejo, Calif., was about to throw away.

The Tree of eternal life?

I don’t know how it got there, but it is clearly an image of Jesus,” Balducci told the local NBC station.

But the most interesting one of 2011 comes from an engaged couple in Anderson County, S.C., who found a face on their receipt from Walmart.

Is this the face of Jesus, or just that panhandler who hangs out at the 7-Eleven at 3 a.m.?

“I was leaving the kitchen and I just looked on the floor, and it was like it was looking at me,” Jacob Simmons said.

I find it somewhat ironic that Jesus would be on a Walmart receipt, because I was under the impression that Kmart is the Saving Place.

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