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The Marx brothers: Karl and Groucho

Both of America’s political parties are Marxist. The Democrats are Karl. The Republicans are Groucho.

I’m weary of dear friends who’ve been reading political tea leaves, wind currents and baked turtle shells for decades now suddenly wailing in despair that the Republican Party is gift-wrapping the November election and handing it over to the Obama team as surely as Russia handed us Alaska and France, the Louisiana Purchase. Interesting! Let’s explore.

Did you know that President Obama told a lie during the State of the Union address that would have put the tip of Pinocchio’s nose into a different zip code? In boasting of all he’s done to increase America’s energy independence, Obama lamented that America, with only 2 percent of the world’s oil reserves, couldn’t make it on its meager resources. He hoped we’d never learn that America contains more fossil fuel resources than any other country in the world; more than Russia, Canada, Saudi Arabia – name it!

He didn’t know a petroleum-savvy sharpshooter named John Hinderaker, writing on the Power Line blog, would explain that normal countries count as their oil “reserves” everything under their ground. America, oddly enough, only counts oil reserves that can be developed under American law and regulations! And America’s ability is so self-hamstrung by American regulations that all we can legally go after is that, indeed, insufficient amount allowed under those strangulating regulations. Obama is, therefore, confessing that America’s energy self-sufficiency is being blocked by a powerful force known as the United States of America!

Did you know how much American highway-and-bridge construction is being contracted to Chinese firms? In matrimonial law such activity during bad economic times would be ruled illegal by the judge as “calculated to incense.” Why do I believe it? When a network like ABC and a correspondent like Diane Sawyer (whose business address is Obama’s back pocket) report something so damaging to Obama, that’s proof, stomp-down and pig-tight.

Did you know that all the Arab nations that were supposed to be sprinting toward democracy a year ago are now in the grip of the Muslim Brotherhood, including the leader of the Arab world, Egypt? Did you know that Iran doesn’t even answer Obama’s pitiful entreaties begging for “dialogue,” and relishes our president’s anguish like a sadistic schoolteacher might enjoy the look on the face of a child who’s not allowed to go to the bathroom? If disrespect were salami, America could feed the world just with what’s coming out of the Middle East alone!

Did you catch the one about the president’s arrival in a campaign-battleground state last week where the stirring notes of “Hail to the Chief” were replaced with headlines that a solar-panel company had just laid off 200 workers? And are you aware that nobody on Team Obama showed up in Atlanta last Thursday to answer a judge’s questions about Obama’s eligibility to appear on the Georgia ballot in November? And that could lead to Obama being expunged from the Georgia ballot with 12 other states – and counting – festering to follow suit?

Enough! This is no ordinary demolition derby against Obama’s governance, which would be much longer. The point here is that, if you know any of this, chances are dim you heard it during a debate among those Republicans who hope to replace him. There, you’ve heard what a lout Gingrich is in the view of his second wife, and where Romney has bank accounts, and Ron Paul’s “Golden Rule” under which Iran should have its nuclear bomb, and Rick Santorum’s rage against Ron Paul’s idiotic worldview and the intrinsic superiority of candidates who have an immigrant grandfather with strong, coal-miner hands. Obama hears little in those debates to displease Obama.

If Ronald Reagan were alive he’d drop dead. Reagan had a quaint notion that Republicans shouldn’t trash Republicans; that they should turn the hose on the fire, not the fire chief.

You don’t have to be Martin Luther King to have a dream. I dream of a strong GOP chairman who calls all the contenders into a room – I guess it would have to be a small auditorium this time – before any debates, primaries, caucuses – anything – and says, “This is our huddle. I’m calling the play. Disobey and you’ll be dis-fellowshipped. No trashing each other; understand? Don’t you realize how dreadful such attacks sound in Democratic TV ads during the general election? TV time is precious. Debates have high ratings. Aim your salvoes at the Obama administration and the Democrats. And drop out when your ego, not your internal polling, is all that’s crying for you to remain in.

“This election offers something never before seen in America: namely, a prospect of a Democratic victory so poisonous as to endanger the nation.

“Your every attack on another Republican standing on that stage tells the voters you don’t really believe that!

“Ask yourself at all times, ‘How will my performance make our party look as Americans go to vote?’

“And please don’t let your pollsters ask, ‘What do you think the Republican Party needs most?’

“There’s too much danger the answer might be ‘Adult supervision!'”