Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Oh, the hypocrisy!

It turns out that for all their complaints about discrimination, homosexuals have themselves been intolerant.

They have marginalized bisexuals!

This we learned last week, when the Berkeley City Council, ever in the forefront of the fight for equality, unanimously declared Sept. 23 “Bisexual and Bi Visibility Day.”

City Councilman Kriss Worthington said he hoped there would be barbecues, forums and parties.

The councilman was quoted in the Los Angeles Times, “There are often negative and inaccurate connotations inaccurately associated with bisexual people.” And he told the San Francisco Chronicle, without a hint of tongue-in-cheek, “Bisexuals can experience prejudice from both directions.”

For one thing, Worthington said, the homophile community has shunned them as “fence-sitters.” Imagine the shame of being unable to celebrate diverse sexuality with the diversely sexual.

Anyway, Berkeleyite Jill Poke said she “couldn’t be more pleased” with the council’s actions.

“I’ve been in a committed relationship with my woman friend for six years, and in a committed relationship with my male friend for five years,” she said. “Now we can share with the world the pride we feel about our sex habits.

“Beyond that, we intend to be married – all three of us – in a triple-ring ceremony. And why not? We deserve equal protection of the law.”

Howard Bashford, distinguished professor of family law at the University of California’s Boalt Hall, commented, “Why not, indeed? After all, this is California.”

The amazing development in last week’s presidential duel was not the revelation that George Romney isn’t worried about getting the votes of the handout-hungry. It wasn’t even the revelation that Barack Obama favors redistribution of the wealth.

The amazing development was that some of the mainstream media actually reported Obama’s socialist/fascist proclivities.

The president’s leanings were easily known four years ago, but the media chose not to look for them, let alone report them. What late developments indicate is a sense within the mainstream media that Obama could lose. Nothing is more stimulative of mainstream reporting than a little figurative blood in the water.

Not that the media think it’s all over. They’re just coppering their bets. We can look for reportorial scandals in the weeks to come – like the reporters colluding to make George Romney look bad after he criticized our weak-sister response to the invasion of our Cairo embassy.

I’d like your predictions of what these scandals will be. Here’s one to get you started:

Obama minions somehow will get hold of the presidential debate moderators’ questions and provide them to the president. What do you think?

Finding out what’s in it: You probably didn’t know Obamacare included funds for a hiking trail in the City of Sonora, Tuolumne County, Calif.

Sonora garnered a $50,000 grant from the Patient Protection and Affordable Healthcare (sic) Act, which will not be used to provide health care, or even to build the trail in Sonora, but will pay a consultant for “the preliminary engineering and design.”

According to the city, “The grant money is part of a federal program that encourages communities to get healthier. We have a new program called ‘Get Up, Get Going and Get Healthy’ that we are working on in Sonora. The first part of that is looking at doing a master trails plan …” Call the operating theory, “Plan It and They Will Come.”

Down the road, the city will try to find funds for the actual construction. Meanwhile, it wasn’t about to turn down federal money. You can bet municipalities nationwide are lining up to nail down similar grants to “encourage communities to get healthier.” Cities just don’t turn down federal funds, no matter how many strings are attached.

Behind this sort of “planning” is the idea it will save the nation billions of dollars in medical costs as we citizens walk our way to health.

Later – to make sure we don’t become burdens on society – we’ll have mandatory group calisthenics and government licensing of our individual diets.


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