Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Television has been touting its programs for the autumn, showing what one presumes are “highlights.”

One assumes that the segments shown represent the best of these programs, and, apart from noting what the science of mass communications would call “low taste content,” I have been struck by the words put into the mouths of women.

There is something weirdly familiar about those words, and after pondering the point for some time, I recognized where I had heard them before. They were not necessarily the exact words, mind you, but they were of a type heard in gymnasiums. More precisely, the lines spoken by women on popular (one assumes) television are the same in character and content as the dialog of the men’s locker room.

Then I read in The Atlantic that women are “empowered” by the “hookup culture” of transitory sexual interludes, a culture that includes the coarseness and crudity that traditionally was the province of men.

Feminists, if this is your idea of equality, congratulations. You’ve made it.

Are the media biased toward the Democrats? Surely it was mere coincidence that the Obamas were on the cover of Parade magazine and Michelle Obama graced the cover of Lady’s Home Journal as the Dems convened in Charlotte, N.C.

Fawning profiles of Mitt Romney and his family are sure to follow – but only if he wins.

Speaking of coincidences: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a strong statement the day after the murders of our diplomatic personnel in Libya, but apparently it wasn’t sufficiently mollifying for Muslims. So out she came Thursday with another apology to Muslim’s for the anti-Islam film that supposedly precipitated last week’s attacks. (We are expected to believe it was coincidental that the assaults on our embassies and consulates occurred Sept. 11.)

Naturally, Clinton’s statement piously proclaimed violence was never justified, then went on at some length about how terrible it was that anybody would offend any religious group. Meanwhile, “Entertainment Magazine” had a cover story on one of the above-referenced fall television series, “American Horror Story.”

The cover depicted actress Jessica Lange in a nun’s habit, and the story inside described a scene in which she beats the bare buttocks of an asylum inmate.

News bulletin! Catholics around the world have taken to the streets to protest the “Entertainment” article. Mobs have burned cars and attacked American embassies in Rome, Florence and Naples. Several American diplomats have been injured in assaults that featured machine gun fire, rocket propelled grenades, and …

Oh. Excuse me. I must be confusing the papists with the “religion of peace.”

By the way, we’re assured that the violence in Muslim lands has been led by “a few extremists.” Based on video of the mobs, we submit the following entry for The Blind Partisan’s Dictionary:

A few extremists: – political compound noun. This is a term of flexible application. For example, when applied to Occupy Wall Street, it means several hundred individuals. In the Middle East, it means tens of thousands engaged in concerted action.

Love those soldiers! We got dewy-eyed listing to the Democrats extoll the virtues and contributions of America’s military. Perhaps one day their dedication will include the assurance that the votes of our fighting forces will be counted.

No snub: Administration officials, stamping a figurative foot, maintain Obama’s refusal to meet Benjamin Netanyahu wasn’t a snub. The president is just too busy.

This brings yet another new definition from The Blind Partisan’s Dictionary:

Snub: n. – a calendrical conflict, such as one that would prevent the president of the United States from meeting with the head of state of a nation on the verge of precipitating a war of global importance.


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