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50% of Americans are malicious zombies

They are mindless. They are ravenous. They are innumerable. They shamble in great hordes, always a mob, moving ever in lock step with those to either side and ahead of them. They cannot be reasoned with. They cannot be bargained with. They hear nothing but their own moans and the screams of their victims. Left to their own devices, they will overwhelm any space they occupy, consuming their own population, ripping apart social and civil convention, until nothing remains but a horde of rotting corpses – idiot creatures who have no idea what they are or how they have come to this pass, decaying imbeciles who cannot comprehend the destruction they have wrought.

They are Democrats.

The description sounds familiar because zombies are a staggering industry today. Firearms companies are producing “zombie” ammunition, which differs from “regular” ammunition only in that it has colorful packaging and costs more. Zombie shooting targets are considered politically correct, while human silhouettes still make some gun owners (or spectators) nervous. Knife companies manufacture blades with fluorescent green handles, and this somehow makes them “zombie apocalypse” tools. Self-published authors churn out badly written zombie novels. Television network AMC has a monster hit with “The Walking Dead,” a serial zombie drama based on an immensely popular comic book series of the same name.

Technology, in part, facilitates all of these trends. It’s far easier to produce realistic-looking zombie entertainment (if that term is applicable) for television than it ever was to film zombie movies decades ago. There are no barriers to entry if you want your lousy zombie story to appear on Amazon; you just have to have a few dollars. The “tactical” firearms and knives industries are more than happy to take your money even if you have awful taste and worse judgment. But the real reason zombies are so popular today, the real reason zombie-related entertainment does so well in popular culture, is much more primal.

We hate our fellow citizens.

More to the point, we recognize the threat they represent as a mob. A lone zombie is no threat to anyone. It is slow, it is stupid, and it tends to give itself away, what with the moaning and the shambling about and the reaching-out-to-grab-you. It is easily avoided. Shove something sharp into its brain, put a bullet through its head, and it is permanently neutralized. As movie monsters go, it’s actually somewhat surprising that zombies ever managed to become a threatening or frightening antagonist, hobbled as they are by the limitations of their nature. (This is one of the reasons, in fact, that later zombie films and television shows have introduced the “fast zombie,” a creature that runs after you instead of staggering slowly and inexorably in your general direction.)

Take the traditional, slow, dim-witted zombie and make it part of a mob, however, and you have an apocalypse on your hands. The most terrifying imagery in zombie films is the sight of thousands of zombies massed around a given building or safe harbor, reaching out desperately for the flesh of those hiding within in. The crowd of zombies taps our most primal fears: The idea that it is us against them, that they outnumber us, that they will swamp us, trample us, devour us, and we will be unable to combat the crush of enemy corpses. How do you fight an avalanche? The zombie mob is an avalanche of rotting meat, made all the worse because its component parts harbor the malicious desire to rend and consume you.

Zombie entertainment is popular because, deep down, most of us hate our neighbors. Our neighbors are jerks. They are inconsiderate. They stick their noses in our business. They pass unconstitutional laws that take our liberties. They pass taxes that confiscate our earnings. They elect and appoint judges who ignore the United States Constitution to facilitate more of the same. They live to control us. They live to take what we earn. They are happiest when they are grinding us under their heels. They adore the feel of their boots on our necks.

Deep down, we feel liberated by the fantasy that one day, the monsters who live among us, the bloodthirsty creatures who work tirelessly in government and society to destroy our institutions, to spit on our traditions, to take our livelihood, to take away the right to self-defense, to harm our lives, our families, our children, will be revealed as the cannibals they truly are … and then we’ll start shooting them in the face. That is why, when the news broke Tuesday night that Barack Hussein Obama had successfully engineered another four years of Marxist rule, the reactions on social media (such as Twitter and Facebook) immediately turned to zombies. “I can’t wait for the zombie apocalypse to come” was a common sentiment among many social media participants.

What these understandably frustrated citizens misunderstand is that there is no waiting for the zombie apocalypse. What is that, anyway? It is the overrun of humanity by the zombie horde, the collapse of civilization in the face of mindless abominations. Pause now to recall that old quote about what happens when the people realize they can vote themselves free stuff from the “public trough.” When illiterate cretins bark proudly about “Obamaphones,” when fools ignorant of economics actually believe socialized medicine is “free health care,” when the open-borders crowd looks the other way while English becomes a minority language and illegal aliens swamp the welfare rolls while swelling the prisons, we’ve already reached that point. Half of all Americans actually wanted four more years of Barack Hussein Obama. The margin wasn’t even thin. When a president this bad, in an economy this bad, surrounded by scandals this bad, is easily re-elected, the republic is lost.

Romney’s “47 percent” is really 50 percent. Half of your fellow citizens are zombies. They are mindless. They are hungry. They are a threat to you. They will keep voting to take your freedom and give themselves “free” stuff until they kill us all.

The zombie apocalypse isn’t coming. It’s already here.