Everyone has an Andy Rooney day now and then, so please bear with me. America is so screwed up that I’ve decided to indulge myself today and simply rant. That’s right, just a delicious, feel-good, politically incorrect rant.
It’s sad to think about, but this is not 1950s America we’re living in, a time when self-sufficiency, hard work, certitudes, morality and honor were taken for granted. It’s now an America that is on the threshold of entering a New Dark Ages, where future generations will speak in disdainful tones about the evil American empire in which 1 percent of the population lived like royalty and the other 99 percent lived in obscene poverty (some with only one flat-screen TV).
In this regard, the recent Forbes list of the World’s 100 Most Powerful Women – “those who have risen to the top of the social and cultural landscape” and “impacted the world” – caught my attention. It would be easy to simply wave aside the list as absurd, but, in your heart of hearts, you know that it reflects the truth about the Banana Republic of America (BROA).
Specifically, the truth I’m referring to is that America has devolved into a land drowning in its own B.S. (also commonly referred to as fraud or, in street parlance, “crap”). In case you missed it, here’s a small sampling of names that appeared on the Forbes list:
- No. 2: Hillary (“Hilla the Hun”) Clinton. Hillary is the ultimate fraud. She’s an accomplished liar, a thief and an embarrassment as secretary of state. The only solace we can take is that she and Bubba genuinely believe that Obama is going to support her bid for the presidency in 2016 as a payback for their supporting his candidacy in 2012. Instead, what they’ll get is his middle finger.
- No. 7: Michelle (Big Mac and Fries) Obama. You don’t need any input from me on this one. Best not to go there.
- No. 14: Lady Gaga. I have never heard this decadent humanoid sing and wouldn’t know her face if I saw her on the street. But, please America …
- No. 32: Beyonce. Brilliant, thoughtful, intellectual – a bold, fresh piece of … well, you know what I mean.
Hard as it is to believe, the princess of frumpiness, Sandra Fluke, didn’t make the Forbes list. Even so, she’s on course (as in intercourse) to be the first recipient of the Nobel Contraceptive Piece Prize. Rest assured that once this caricature of every man’s worst fear about his upcoming blind date gets her masters in contraception, she will be a force to be reckoned with.
Examples of B.S. are everywhere in the BROA:
The Arab Spring … the “Fiscal Cliff” … “the rich” … “the poor” … the “middle class” … “tax reform” … “entitlement reform” … Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden … “moderate Democrats” … “conservative Republicans” … “grand bargain” … compromising with Democrats … bipartisanship … cutting the deficit … paying down the national debt … “getting Americans back to work” … “getting the economy moving again” …
… the deification of multimillionaire professional athletes, especially those with dreadlocks flowing out from under their football helmets … Benghazi-gate … Susan Rice as a serious anything … movies with lots of sex and violence but no plot … MittMan lunching with the Duplicitous Despot … the Dirty Dems constantly beating the drums of non-existent racism …
… frantic talks about the U.S. slipping into another recession when it is already in a depression … “peace talks” with Hamas … Bill O’Reilly opining that Mush McCain is now the strongest leader in the Republican Party … the United Nations … Barack Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for destroying his own country … punks with ball caps turned sideways while texting away on their $300 iPhones … meatheads camping out in anticipation of Black Friday sales …
… to mention but a handful of the more obvious B.S. phenomena of our times.
Then there are those insightful Fox News experts who are kind enough to share their brilliant insights with us – brainiacs like Frank the Dunce Luntz, Mary Katharine Ham, Kirsten Powers, Greta Van Boring, Byron York, Juan Williams, A.B. Stoddard, Marc LaMont Hill, Leslie Marshall, Bill Kristol and Alan Colmes.
Oh, and let’s not forget about that “body-language” goofus O’Reilly has on his show occasionally to interpret what someone really meant when they scratched their nose. Imagine Dunce Luntz and her joining forces and embarking on a Dumber and Less Fresh Tour.
Now that the curmudgeon side of me is clicking on all cylinders, there’s one last thing I’d like to share with you, but please keep it confidential. Last night I had a nightmare about being held captive by terrorists in a 10-by-10 room with no windows, and my captors told me they were going to throw one of four things into the room with me, to be left there until I died: 1) Rachel Maddow, 2) Hilla the Hun, 3) Frumpy Fluke, or 4) a cup of hemlock.
Then, in a show of mercy, they said they would allow me to choose which one I preferred. It was an easy decision. As I drank the poisonous hemlock, I woke up in a cold sweat thinking about what my fate might have been had I made a different choice.
Hmm … maybe this isn’t an Andy Rooney day after all. Maybe it’s just my Levinitis acting up again. It’s a chronic condition that sometimes flares up when I hear Mark Levin screaming at Barack Obama that he’s a fraud, a liar and worse. If one forgets to take his medication, Levinitis has a way of causing him to say what he’s really thinking, no matter how politically incorrect it may be. Very dangerous to one’s health.
Enough. Gotta run now and get to higher ground before I’m swallowed up by the next wave of America’s tsunami of B.S.