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Who would have thought that Armageddon was actually the result of a lack of federal dollars?

The big-media press corpse corps is busy whipping up hurricane force winds among the Democratic Faithful (aka low-information voters), by turbo-charging the gas emanating from the White House tailpipe.

In the Senate, Harry Reid, leader of the most deliberative body in the once-free world, recently persuaded the Nevada prostitution lobby to withhold services from any senator or House member who is not actively sacrificing enough fatted taxpayers in his or her district.

But in the midst of chaos there is a bright and shining hope. If the bloated bureaucratic plagues sure to come upon us from fewer federal dollars being injected into the various federal agencies are at all true, well … America could be on the verge of a new economic revival and surge of self-confidence!

If one adds together all the dire agency predictions for reduced government “service,” well, there really is hope for America! For instance, with Pell grants disabled, colleges and universities won’t be able to pass the cost of their egregious union salaries and new building programs onto next year’s students. The result? College gets cheaper.

The Federal Aviation Administration has published a list of control towers they will have to close. Oh no! We’re all gonna die! Well, not really. Most airports in America don’t have a control tower. Pilots just talk to each other on the radio. The big city airports will keep their control towers, because they need them, and that is what most passengers see, anyway.

I haven’t seen how many schools the federal Department of Education will close if they don’t get their share of the federally abducted taxpayer hog. Oh, wait. The feds don’t actually operate any schools. They just have bureaucrats with the latest and greatest politically correct agendas harassing the schools local education districts actually do run. So how is that bad?

Likewise for the EPA. Their “superfund” sites aren’t getting cleaned up, but if their funding is cut, get out the bullhorn: “Attention, America! You will be one big toxic waste dump without us.” Hmm … if experience is any guide, once the EPA is given control over it, one big toxic waste dump is what America will remain forever. Less money at the EPA just means fewer federally delusional Pell grant awardees who bypassed science in college and opted for government employment instead of work.

Well, what about the military? We will be overrun with Iranians, North Koreans, Afghans – all the usual suspects. They will come to our country, vote illegally, drive illegally, make our hotel beds illegally and serve as illegal presidents. But you know what? Since the military hasn’t had a legal, declared war to fight since 1942, I’m willing to take my chances. (Besides, Social Security has bought plenty of rounds of ammo. Maybe they are going to arm the old-folks homes?)

Let me tell you the truth, folks. The government is terrified of the sequestration law they passed in 2011 (kicking the can down the road). But their fear has nothing to do with the federal dollars that will be spared from an ignominious end down the only documented black hole in the universe. Their fear has everything to do with people in America waking up the morning after sequestration and saying, “Hmm … sequestra-geddon happened, but everything seems exactly the same as it was yesterday. Gee, you know what? I don’t think the government really needs all that money! But I need a vacation!”

Yeah, folks! That is what POTUS, SCOTUS, CONGUS and BURCUS are terrified of. Some morning the American people will wake up and say, “Gosh, the airplanes are still flying. The school bus picked up the kids for school. Cars are still on the road, and my house is still here. And the EPA superfund site next door is still fenced off and vacant, just like it has always been. Nothing seems any different.”

Our newly awakened American pulls out his cell phone, dials his congressman’s office and says: “Hey! You said the world would end today and nothing happened! You lied. Everything is just fine. I want my money back for the last 25 years!”

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