(PFOX) — In 5th grade, I got mad at God…As a child I had been sexually abused, by a distant uncle. He later became my step-father. I would often pray that the abuse would stop. I figured if God couldn’t stop this I would take care of myself. I began to build a wall around my heart. When we moved to a different city, my first friend would invite me to her house. Her father would insist on joining me when I went to the bathroom,-so he could fondle me. As a child I couldn’t understand how or why God allowed this to continue.
This was not God’s plans, but man’s sin. I believed the lies from the violator; “if I told anyone bad things would happen to those I love or to me” I also believed Satan’s lies that I was not worth anything. As I got older my step- father withdrew from me. Making me feel rejected. I later realized that perpetrators don’t want to be accused of statutory rape, so they continue to seek younger children.
AT 16 I started drinking to erase the pain. Not really caring about myself. I had sex with my first boyfriend. The relationship only lasted nine months; my stepfather was extremely jealous and made me break up with him.