Like profiteers of doom worldwide, John Kerry, described as a secretary of state, believes in the “global warming” bugaboo with every fiber of his bank account.

One of the strangest phenomena in politics is the uncritical alacrity and Damascene fervor with which the hive mind of the international left, believing the unbelievable, will find any pretext to argue passionately for the greatest transfer of wealth and power in human history from the poor to the rich, from the workers to the “workers” – to themselves.

Some years ago, John Kerry said he was prepared to debate anyone on climate change. Challenged on my behalf, he ran and ran. His favorite song: “Keep on runnin’.” For belief in the New Religion differs from belief in the True Religion in three respects.

First, the New Religion is not true. Secondly, its believers know it is not true – or, which is just as false, are reckless as to whether it is true or not. Thirdly, the Borg are almost always, almost everywhere, terrified to defend the New Religion against doubters like me.

Kerry has issued a whining press release to coincide with publication of the fifth and latest novel in the “Apocalypse” series by the U.N. Intergummintal Panel on Climate Change. He wails: “This is yet another wake-up call. Those who deny the science or choose excuses over action are playing with fire.”

The only noble work of literature that ever came out of a committee was the King James Version of the Bible. For proof that committees write lousy fiction, just try to read the climate panel’s five-volume “Apocalypse” trilogy: “The Sky Is Falling” (1990), “Apocalypse Soon” (1995), “Apocalypse Very Soon” (2001), “Apocalypse Any Day Now, We Mean It” (2007) and now “Apocalypse With Added 95 Percent Certainty, But We’re 0 Percent Certain Why It Hasn’t Gotten Around To Happening Just Yet” (2013).

Kerry moans, “Once again, the science grows clearer, the case grows more compelling, and the costs of inaction grow beyond anything that anyone with conscience or common sense should be willing to even contemplate.”

Nay, unverily. And try not to inelegantly split infinitives, John.

I mean, come off it: If the science of Catastrophology were that clear, why would it need 10,000 pages of turgid, inspissate, self-contradictory, self-serving waffle to justify it?

Einstein’s paper on relativity, “Zur Elektrodynamik Bewegeter Körper,” was just 30 pages long, and that changed the world. Remember what the men of ancient Athens said. Mega biblion, mega kakon: “The bigger the book, the badder.”

Besides, a reviewed paper by a talented researcher, Monckton of Brenchley, published just last month by the World Federation of Scientists, demonstrated that it was 10-100 times costlier to try to make global warming go away today than to let it happen at the predicted rate and pay the predicted cost of adapting to its predicted consequences the day after tomorrow.

Even if the predictions are right – and every major prediction of the climate panel and its useless models has been relentlessly wrong so far – it would still be orders of magnitude cheaper to do nothing.

Kerry says: “Boil down the latest report and here’s what you find: Climate change is real, it’s happening now, human beings are the cause of this transformation, and only action by human beings can save the world from its worst impacts.”

Well, of course “climate change is real.” It’s been happening for 4,567 million years (or 6,000 years if you follow the late Bishop Ussher’s delightfully dopey calculations based on counting the generations since Adam and multiplying by the number of days in the lunar month minus the number of days in the week and calling it years).

And we can no more stop sea level rising than King Canute could. He reminded his courtiers that if even the divinely anointed king could not rule the waves, not even a host of scientists could waive the rules of physics. “He that made the oceans,” said Canute, “alone hath the power to command them to rise and to fall. To Him, then, be all praise.”

Kerry whiffles on: “This isn’t a political document produced by politicians. It’s science.” No, it isn’t a scientific document produced by scientists. It’s politics.

The scientists, in the pre-final draft report, had admitted their bug-ridden computer programs that exaggerate global warming aren’t up to the job.

The politicians who decide the final wording took out that telling admission. They don’t care what the science says. Crisis is profitable. Just ask Al Gore’s bankers.

Kerry burbles: “Scientists … by profession are conservative because they must deal in what is observable, provable and reviewable by their peers.” No, they’re not. They’re alarmist because they deal in what is grantable, fundable and reviewable by their pals. Bigger crises mean fatter grants.

Kerry opines: “If ever there were an issue that demanded greater cooperation, partnership, and committed diplomacy, this is it.” OK, then, John. Let’s suppose you mean it.

If you really want cooperation from the fast-growing body of scientists and researchers who have seen no global warming or sea level rise to speak of for at least a decade and see no reason to expect much of either in future, then step up to the plate like a jock, not a wimp, and debate me on international TV.

Like you, I’m a layman, so the debate will be fair. Unlike me, you command all the resources of the U.S. government. You can even have an earpiece if you want, so your fellow racketeers in the organized-crime syndicate that is the U.N.’s climate panel can feed you the answers.

I’ll still win. And you know it. For you have the money, the power and the glory, but I have the truth. Which is why – like Al Gore, James Hansen and the host of other Capones of climatology who have profiteered so cruelly by stealing the pennies of the poor – you just won’t dare debate me.

If you were to try to pick up the gauntlet I’ve thrown down, you’d collapse in a heap. For you have no backbone. Sir, you are an inveterate invertebrate.

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