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I have made an important decision. I have decided that if this country is going to be saved, people are going to have to make me king (well, queen). Don’t worry, this is only a temporary monarchy. I won’t need much time.

You see, if I were king, I would have absolute control. I would temporarily suspend the balance of power between the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches of our broken government and set things right. Here is a sampling of what I would do:

  • I would fire everyone currently employed by the federal government who are in positions of power and whose job influences constituents.
  • I would resurrect the Tenth Amendment in a serious way. As I see it, the Tenth Amendment was put in place for two reasons: 1) to keep the federal government from bloating and interfering in states’ rights, and 2) to allow states to compete for citizens and their tax revenue. That way if someone doesn’t like the laws in one state, they can choose to move to another state and take their tax dollars with them.
  • I would get rid of the Department of Education, abolish teachers’ unions and cancel the nationalized, dumbed-down, anti-American Common Core curriculum. If the states choose to run state schools, that’s their business … and their funding problem. I would allow private schools to spring up without the need for government accreditation. This would allow affordable private schools to flourish and compete. Education will be subject to parental control and competition, which always improves a product.
  • I would determine who is genuinely in need of assistance (welfare, food stamps, etc.) versus those who are professional victims scamming the system. The former would be helped; the latter would not.
  • I would get the government out of the student loan business. If colleges and universities weren’t being artificially propped up by government student loans, the costs of higher education would plummet and quality would improve.
  • I would leave the Second Amendment the hell alone and eliminate all interference in firearm ownership. I would restore that clause of the Bill of Rights to its original and central importance. When this amendment says SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED, it means it. The government should cower in fear and trembling before the citizens, not vice-versa.
  • I would abolish the EPA, one of the most notorious violators of private property and civil liberties in existence. Bye bye.
  • I would cut cut cut cut cut spending and, therefore, taxes. There are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of government departments, programs, agencies, bureaus and offices that are – let’s face it – entirely unnecessary, wildly expensive and unconstitutionally interfering. I would close these departments and cut most of the chains of both regulation and taxation that currently burden the American people.
  • I would get the government totally and completely out of the health-care industry. Not only would this mean Obamacare is gone – poof! – but it also means eliminating the FDA, which forces research companies to spend hundreds of millions of dollars jumping through unnecessary bureaucratic hoops before a drug can be approved. The FDA not only causes drug prices to skyrocket, but kills many people through the delay or the unavailability of life-saving drugs because of some nebulous and unproved “danger.” It’s astounding how health care and health insurance would improve in both quality and affordability if the government got out of the way and let the free market handle things.
  • I would bake cookies for the Secret Service and other personnel who protect me. They deserve it.
  • I would STOP – cold – all government sweetheart deals with corporations and banks.
  • I would END the Federal Reserve and return the dollar to the gold standard.
  • I would instigate strict term limits on all political offices and top bureaucratic positions.
  • I would require ALL politicians to be subject to the EXACT same laws they impose on citizens. No loopholes, no wiggling out of it.
  • I would stop ALL spying on American citizens. Period.

I have many other policies, far too many to list in this column, but you get the idea.

My last act as king (well, queen) would be to put in government positions only those patriotic Americans who are absolutely dedicated to maintaining a strict interpretation of the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Remember, this new (and all subsequent) crop of politicians is subject to strict term limits.

Then I would happily retire to my humble homestead in Idaho with my wonderful husband and raise our children, our cows and our garden in peace and quiet, without ever bothering anyone ever again.

The reason I need to be king (well, queen) to do all this is because we have 545 insane puffed-up power-hungry devils currently in charge of things who have no interest in relinquishing their vast and filthy power. If I don’t sweep them all away in one fell swoop, we will never get rid of their corrupting influence. But if I were king, I could fire ‘em all. Bye bye.

Naturally, these kingly (queenly?) policies will cause a great deal of chaos and near-anarchy for a decade or two while things sort themselves out. That’s because people have lost the art of being productive, self-sufficient citizens and are therefore unable to get through life without a great deal of government hand-holding. This must stop.

But eventually, things would sort themselves out. People would learn that in order to eat, they must work. People would realize their children will receive outstanding education because schools will compete for students and answer to parents. Businesses would spring up overnight and thrive in an atmosphere free of red tape, petty rules and regulations and other squelching edicts. Charity would blossom for those unable to work because people would have a lot more money in their pockets.

Then and only then will America be restored to its original greatness. Of course, once my kingly influence wanes, things will backslide – things always do – but perhaps we’ll become safe and prosperous for another century or two before that happens.

But sadly, no one has seen fit to elect me king (queen), and so America will continue its death spiral until we crash into the rocky canyon of economic collapse, martial law and anarchy.

At that point we may well see a king (or its equivalent), but you probably won’t like what you get. Then you’ll wish you’d appointed me king when you had the chance.

 

 

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