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“… and Esau was a man who understood hunting, a man of the field.”
– Beresheet (Genesis), 25:27

The place: a South African secondary school.

The setting: an English class.

Lights, camera, action:

The teacher is quizzing the class. One senior – she happens to be my sister – provides the rapid-fire reply:

Teacher: “What is a taxidermist?”

Sister: “a motherf-cker.”

That was a long time ago, but I have no doubt that my witty sibling would extend similar linguistic niceties (adapted to the fairer sex) to Melissa Bachman.

Ms. Bachman is described by OutdoorLife.com as a big-game hunter, host of the hunting reality show, “Winchester Deadly Passion.” The controversy that continues to eddy around Bachman “began when she posted a picture of herself with an African lion on her webpage and Facebook page. She wrote of the trophy pic: ‘An incredible day hunting in South Africa! Stalked inside 60-yards on this beautiful male lion. What a hunt!’”

Order lIana Mercer’s brilliant polemical work, “Into the Cannibal’s Pot: Lessons for America from Post-Apartheid South Africa”

South Africans were disgusted by the woman, seen here grinning (or, rather, grimacing) from ear to ear, as she crouches beside the dead beast. They want to ban her from their country.

“It’s perfectly legal,” roared the conservative pack animals stateside. Especially eager to exhibit their macho-girl credentials were the younger chicks of this silly species.

As an example of “this-was-a-good-kill-carried-out-with-a-permit” argument, I’ve culled the extravagant rhetoric of a member of the unthinking herd at Townhall.com.

The writer chalks up the public’s general disgust at Bachman’s proud pose to “animal rights activists and general public ignoramuses.” Deploying more cut-and-paste action than writing (a lost craft in said circles), she goes on to enumerate the benefits to Africa of “conservation through sustainable hunting.”

This is partly true. The Maroi Conservancy that unleashed Ms. Bachman on the lion would not survive without ugly Americans like Bachman. The money this private preserve generates from selling rights to stalk and kill cornered game helps sustain a community which would otherwise poach the animals.

Plaintively, the game farmers of Maroi Conservancy pleaded with their critics:

“If you are not a game farmer and struggling with dying, starving animals, poaching and no fences in place to protect your animals and crop, please refrain from making negative derogatory comments.”

Maroi should have added that some values are uniquely Western – like the worldview that wild life has its own intrinsic value independent of man. In Africa, unless animals are a commercially viable resource – a source of hunting and eco-tourism – they are driven to extinction by their main predator: the indigenous, not-so-sapient Homo sapiens.

Concluded the twit of Townhall.com: “Hunters have done more for animals than any animal rights group ever has. The healthy animal population and economy in places like South Africa, [sic] proves it.”

In addition to her grammatical offenses, the news editor at Townhall.com offends the truth with factoids about the husbandry of animals and economy in South Africa. Taken as they are from the second most corrupt government in the world – these factoids have the veracity of President Pinocchio’s “you can keep your health-care plan if you like it” promise.

More to the point: An act that is legal is not necessarily moral.

At best, these “conservative” screeches can lay claim to an impoverished, utilitarian philosophy, whereby such gratuitous, showy killing is condoned because it reduces man’s evil incentives to kill unprovoked.

Another gargoyle with a gun is teletart S.E. Cupp. Here Cupp is sprawled over a bear’s carcass, facial features deformed in Dionysian ecstasy.

The statement must first be qualified: I am a girl with guns. The writer’s weapon of choice is the Smith and Wesson 686P .357 4″. This gorgeous piece will fend off most wild beasts. But certain bedrock principles – arguably a true conservative mindset – dictate a respect for life. A life-conserving sensibility means that guns are meant for self-defense, not for needless killing.

In other words, this gun owner is no gun nut; but a right-to-self-defense fanatic. I’ll take aim to defend myself and my family.

While this girl’s guns are meant for self-defense, her epistolary boots are meant for walking – walking all over the dumb distaff that dominates American TV.

And Cupp is a leader of the pack, a luminary in the Age of the Idiot. The “intellectual” forte of this low-watt woman is to gesture wildly and grimace, while parroting the talking points and mind-numbing banalities disgorged by every other Bush bootlicker before her.

“The secret to becoming a successful right-wing columnist-cum-circus animal,” quipped Canadian conservative writer Kevin Michael Grace, “is to echo the mob while complimenting yourself on your daring. The rest is exploitation of the sexual masochism of the American male – he just can’t get enough of the kitten with claws.”

Those libido-driven males (for they are not men) who’ve deified “Duck Dynasty” also lap up the antics of America’s boneheaded Lolita. Watch this heathen skin a small bear. Watch Cupp whip out the little creature’s innards and offer them up to the camera, as she salivates about the fun she’s having.

There is nothing wrong with hunting for food and harvesting the animal humanely, discreetly and respectfully. This, however, is the hedonistic handiwork of an Aztec priestess.

You already know what my sister would call S.E. Cupp.

And here’s what the Node Beyehuda, an authority in Jewish law (1713–1793), ruled: “Hunting for sport is a barbaric practice suited for Esau, Nimrod and their ilk, and not for the merciful people of Israel.”*

* The reference I owe to another South African relative: my brother the rabbi.

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