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A controversy was ignited by Megyn Kelly at Fox News when she refuted a blogger who found the legend of Santa Claus offensive because he was a fat, old white man.

I’ve got a bulletin for Megyn Kelly at Fox: You are dead wrong.

Santa Claus is not white – nor is he a mythical figure, as you claimed in your clarification of your original comment.

He’s real, and he is of mixed race.

He does, however, currently live in a white house, at taxpayer’s expense.

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There are, indeed, some mythological aspects of the Santa legend that need clarification:

  • He does not manufacture toys and gifts at his plant in the North Pole. That is untrue. In fact, Santa doesn’t manufacture anything – except debt and executive orders. In fact, Santa has no record of manufacturing anything in his life. Manufacturing in the U.S. has been plummeting since he began his Santa Claus act five years ago.

  • There is no record of Santa being a part of charitable endeavors or private enterprise.
  • He also doesn’t give toys to tots. Instead, he gives cellular phones other people are forced to buy to adults in exchange for votes.
  • He takes wealth by force from about 40 percent of the population of the U.S. and redistributes it as he sees fit to empower himself and Santa’s “helpers.”
  • The real Santa lies, effortlessly, to bolster his legend and power. For instance, he promised affordable health care insurance to everyone, promising they would be able to keep their doctor, keep their plan, keep their hospital and keep their medicines if they wish. Since then, millions of Americans – adults and children – have lost their doctors, lost their plans, lost their ability to use their hospital and lost their choice of medicines. In addition, they have been forced to pay exorbitant premiums for the alternate Santa-approved insurance plans.
  • The real Santa isn’t supported by elves. He is helped by “czars.”
  • The only thing Santa gives children is birth control devices because he doesn’t want them to be “punished” with a baby.
  • Santa has armed guards night and day paid for at taxpayers’ expense, but he doesn’t believe the taxpayers should be permitted to arm themselves at their own expense for their own protection.
  • Santa does not have a red nose.

  • Santa doesn’t smoke a pipe. He smokes cigarettes.
  • Santa doesn’t wear a red suit. He is partial to dark, two-button, single-breasted suits made of 97 percent wool and 3 percent cashmere with single pleated pants and inch-and-a-quarter cuffs, tailored by Hartmax in Chicago.
  • While not much is known about how and where the mythological Santa launched his charitable endeavor. It is known where the real Santa’s racket got started – in Chicago in the home of unrepentant domestic terrorists Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn.
  • The real Santa doesn’t ride in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. He travels in Air Force One and in armor-plated limousines.
  • No one knows for sure where the mythological Santa got his spiritual inspiration. But the real Santa’s church is known. He attended the Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s anti-American cult for more than 20 years.
  • The mythological Santa remains popular for generations of Americans, but only about 30 percent support the real Santa.

There are some similarities in the real Santa and the mythological character:

  • No one knows for sure where they come from. But it’s safe to rule out the North Pole for the real one.

  • No one knows for sure when they were born or exactly how old they are. Reliable documentation is lacking in both cases.
  • There is mystery about where and how the mythological Santa got his education. Same for the real Santa.
  • The press loves both the mythological Santa and the real one – and often confuse the two in their reporting.
  • They both have extraordinary eavesdropping capability: They know when you are sleeping, when you are awake and when you’ve been bad or good.

Yes, Megyn, there is a real Santa Claus. It’s time to report the ugly truth about him.

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