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We’re saved! Speaker Boehner and the Republicans have found the Constitution!
They said so right here!
We’re saved! We’re saved! We’re all saved from an illegal, out-of-control federal government, spending money already stolen from our great grandchildren yet-to-be-born, with no budgets or accountability anywhere to be found.
We’re saved from NSA’s domestic espionage down to the thought level through their alliance with Google and the rest of tech companies receiving fat government contract payoffs from NSA.
We’re saved from an out-of-control chief executive who bows only toward Chicago and the mob, and placates enemies in the Middle East, while he reserves warfare for his political enemies here at home.
Yes, deliverance is a mighty and noble calling! The lawyers and liars in Congress have finally found the Constitution. Let’s all bow toward the East Coast and worship the Republican National Committee, which exists to recruit and fund America’s freedom fighters!
Just a few questions, Mr. Speaker. When are you going to do something about it? That seems to be the overwhelming concern of those responding to the speaker’s Facebook post. He might start by actually conscripting one of his staffers and sending this lowly individual out into Facebook Land to review and report on the comments posted to the speaker’s site. Here are a few samples:
- “What’s taking so long for YOU to do SOMETHING!? Appoint a special committee to investigate Benghazi, already! Impeach Eric Holder for lying to Congress about Fast and Furious. And, prosecute those responsible for using the IRS to harass American citizens, all the way up to and including those in the White House. Do it! Now!”
- “Quit acting like you are going to do anything remotely close to following your Oath of Office!”
- “I fear nothing will happen and John Boehner is an enabler.”
From the comments on Mr. Boehner’s Facebook post, he is doing a brisk business in shares and “likes” for his photo. Most of the commenters, however, would like the speaker to actually do something about the enshrined lawlessness that has become the primary product emanating from Washington, D.C.
Perhaps the speaker could start with the big-bang theory of politics. What possible harm could there be in examining the “birther” controversy? I mean, there is no harm in asking the question, right? What could possibly give so many Americans the idea that the “natural born citizen” clause of the Constitution might apply to a current or future dictator-in-waiting? (Hint – You can find the answers here:)
Then the House could review NSA’s compliance with the Fourth Amendment, which requires probable cause and a warrant before thoughts and communications can be seized by the government. Or perhaps Mr. Speaker thinks it is just okey-dokey for anonymous government agents to collect and store every person’s communication history, forever, and then go back and search it whenever a new law is passed or a new political enemy wants to silence that voice? Is that really what the Party of Lincoln in Congress thinks in Anno Domini 2014?
Next, the politically erotic relationship between Big Government on the left side of the bed and Big Business on the right side could be examined. The Congress might learn about the poisonous effect this has on both government and business. Perhaps it would be found that the only beneficiaries of this policy are politicians.
Following that exposé, the House Republicans could conduct a line-item review of the federal budget, comparing each spending amount with the enumerated power granted the federal government in the newly located Constitution. Oh, my! No more budget deficit! No more bonds for sale! And no more billion-dollar paydays for the big banks selling them!
With the removal of illegal federal agencies regulating what the Constitution insists are state responsibilities (see the Tenth Amendment), the economy would flourish! Natural resources could be employed for economic and human good. True unemployment – as opposed to welfare dependency – would become a distant memory of the time that extremist Democrats ruled the nation!
There are many more productive areas of investigation that this newly discovered copy of the Constitution of the United States could lead to, as well. And let’s be quite clear about the bipartisan nature of such inquiries. The left can rediscover why Congress, alone, has the power to declare war and why any action outside this framework is illegal and requires the impeachment of its practitioners.
Yes, Mr. Speaker, America is so glad you have found that last copy of the Constitution. We were nearly certain that former Speaker Pelosi had destroyed it at a fundraising event. We are certain that you will take all pains to protect this last known copy from death by a thousand cuts administered by the political class and the police state. Thank you for your service.
Media wishing to interview Craige McMillan, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.