Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.
“It’s not a myth. It’s math!”
So declared President Obama, taking a page from the Jesse Jackson School of Rhetoric in contending that men unfairly make more money than women.
That he buys the claim of the Institute for Women’s Policy Research that females earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by men indicates he also attended the Howard Bashford School of Mathematics, just as he studied economics at the Howard Bashford School of Finance.
Some may argue there are no such schools, but Obama refuses to release any of his college records or writings. No records for Occidental, no records for Columbia, no records for Harvard. Therefore, because there are no records for him at the Howard Bashford schools either, we may take this as evidence that he attended the Howard Bashford schools as well.
If you wish to label this illogical, you also must tar the Institute for Women’s Policy Research with the same brush. It arrives at the 77 cent figure by refusing to consider the differences between men and women in hours worked, overtime hours, experience and education.
Interestingly, the White House, which agrees with the institute, attributes the wage disparity between the sexes on its own staff – the men, on average, make $9,000 more a year than the women – to hours worked, overtime hours, experience and education
Please! Do not accuse the president of hypocrisy. Just add the White House pay gap to the long and growing list of things he doesn’t know about.
But let us return to the more interesting matter of rhetoric and “It’s not a myth. It’s math!” I would like you to submit your own maxims along this line. You might say something like, “It’s not just phony. It’s baloney!” Or, “Don’t ask why. It’s just a lie!”
You are free to leave the topic of equal pay and sally into other fields of falsehood, such as:
“There’s nothing curious in ‘Fast and Furious.’”
“For political stress, try the IRS.”
“Your life’s in play at the NSA.”
“Libya? I wouldn’t fib to ya.”
“Intimidation at the polls? That’s just how our justice rolls.”
“Is the AG in contempt? Wait ’til you see his next attempt.”
“Transform the nation? Use regulation.”
“You’ll have more fun without a gun!”
“We’ll have a balanced budget, when we’ve had a chance to fudge it.”
“Do our space flights lack a home without Russia’s Cosmodrome?”
“It’s not unemployment. It’s freedom of enjoyment.”
I’ll bet you can do better. Just e-mail me your suggestions.
Its mascot is a chicken: Brandeis University has withdrawn plans to award an honorary degree to Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
Ayaan is a heroic campaigner against the mistreatment of women under Islam and is herself a survivor of genital mutilation and other Islamic anti-woman violence.
Brandeis issued a statement that is a marvel of smarmy self-contradiction. It said, “(Ayaan) is a compelling public figure and advocate for women’s rights, and we respect and appreciate her work to protect and defend the rights of women and girls throughout the world. That said, we cannot overlook certain of her past statements that are inconsistent with Brandeis University’s core values.”
Those would be the university’s core values of physical and intellectual cowardice.
Meanwhile the Muslim Public Affairs Council plans to announce a “Safe Spaces Initiative” today. Its admirable goal is to create “a toolkit (sic) to help leaders develop the understanding and requisite tools to address violent extremism.”
“Safe Spaces,” they say, “is about creating spiritually and physically safe environments in our communities.”
I’m sure this will be swell, but it won’t address the root source of Islamic violence against women – and the infidel world in general – the Quran. Just ask Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
Media wishing to interview Michael Ackley, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.