Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Tens of thousands of unaccompanied, illegal-alien minors are flooding across America’s southern border, an influx that would be impossible without the complicity of Mexican authorities.

So let us stop the hand-wringing over this and implement the obvious solution:

Annex Mexico!

Imagine what that nation’s great people, with that nation’s rich natural resources, could do if they enjoyed a reasonably honest administration.

Later, of course, the Protectorate of Mexico would have to annex Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, etc.

Alternatively, we could control our own border to halt illegal immigration, but wouldn’t annexation be much simpler? All the would-be illegals from the new Protectorate – and points south – instantly would become American subjects.

Then American meat packers, tire manufacturers, construction firms and the like would have ready and legal access to exploitable labor, while the limousine liberals of urban centers like Los Angeles, the San Francisco Bay area and tidewater Virginia would have all the landscapers and nannies they could want.

This might entail a bit of killing, as in the Philippines at the turn of the last century, but a little war is always good for the economy. The Protectorate wouldn’t be forever, of course. After all, we granted the Philippines commonwealth status after just 33 years, and helped make it an independent nation after World War II.

Sure, the nay-sayers will call this imperialism, but it would beat the current passive acceptance of the “children’s reconquista.”

Oh, dear. I just realized: We can’t blame Mexico alone. We also have to blame the complicity of our own national administration.

Annex Washington, D.C.!

Welcome! Welcome! Congressman-elect Dave Brat is the proverbial breath of fresh air the Republican Party needed. I’m sure tea partiers in his district supported helped him, but he ran on what used to be the Republican ideals of sound fiscal policy, strong national defense and secure borders (see above).

His opponent, House Majority leader Eric Cantor, ran, basically, on the fact he was a powerful incumbent who knew how to “cross the aisle.” The problem with practitioners of politics as “the art of compromise” is that they end up compromising what ought to be bedrock principles.

If you’re willing constantly to give ground on these principles, ultimately, you are without principle.
The people of Virginia recognized this in ousting Cantor. The rest of the GOP would be wise to take note.

Meanwhile, in California: Winding its way through the Golden State’s Legislature is a bill to ensure student safety at colleges and universities by denying state funds to institutions that don’t have aggressive anti-sexual assault policies.

Well, fine. We’re all against sexual assault. One must wonder, however, about the bill’s requirement that the policies include an “affirmative consent standard” for helping determine if “consent was given by a complainant.”

The bill says:

It is the responsibility of the person initiating the sexual activity to ensure that he or she has the consent of the other person to engage in sexual activity. Lack of protest or resistance does not mean consent, nor does silence mean consent.

Participants should be advised that they must “take reasonable steps … to ascertain” that the other party is consenting.

In light of this, our advice to college students considering sexual activity (they do, you know) is this: Get it in writing. And, as the bill says “consent must be ongoing,” pause from time to time to have each party initial an “ongoing” box on the consent form.

So much for romance.

This nonsense is the result of a ginned-up campus sexual assault “crisis.” You can lay the blame on – yes! – President Obama, who constituted a task force to look into the “crisis.” OK, “look into” really should be read “find.”

The task force quickly determined that one in five female college students had been assaulted. Wow! Twenty percent! However, the task force also said only 12 percent of sexual assaults were reported. Apparently, the latter figure was arrived at by reading the entrails of sheep.

They got to 20 percent by declaring that sexual assault was “under-reported.” And never mind about false reports, which do occur.

Perhaps this is a “crisis.” You decide.

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