I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my recent poll. As I said at the time, it was not, and was not intended to be, one of those scientific polls where people like Gallup and Zogby try to garner a cross-section of the American public. I have no idea what the racial, religious, gender or economic makeup might be of the 265 respondents to the First Stupendous Prelutsky Poll. All I knew was that they were not typical voters. For one thing, they don’t rely on the mainstream media for their news. For another, they’re literate. And, finally, one of them was a Russian living in St. Petersburg.

I would venture that they are all Republicans, including my Russian reader. I base that on the fact that it’s only Republican sites that carry my work. But even if I hadn’t known that, I would have based the assumption on the fact that in response to the question regarding which TV commentator they trust the most, 30 different people were mentioned, and not one of them works for ABC, CBS, NBC or MSNBC. However, 23 of them host their own shows on Fox or appear so regularly on Fox, you might think they host their own shows.

Now, without further ado, here are the final results:

The top vote-getting commentator was Bret Baier with 45 votes. Megyn Kelly came in a close second with 42. In third place, with 37 votes came “I Don’t Trust or Watch Any of Them,” with Charles Krauthammer’s 36 nipping at Nobody’s heels. Among those who received 10 or more votes were Brit Hume and Sean Hannity (16), Bill O’Reilly (12) and Glenn Beck (11).

It was only when I got to my second question, the one regarding the biggest problem facing America, and began tabulating the votes that I realized I should have provided limited choices. That’s because there was a great deal of overlap, and I wasn’t always certain how to group certain responses. Clearly, I would have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I hadn’t stipulated that people couldn’t just respond with “Barack Obama.”

For instance, because a few people specified, say, “Liberalism,” I wasn’t sure if I should combine it with those who thought “An Expanding Federal Government” was our biggest headache. Another question mark I was faced with was whether or not to combine votes for the “Public School System” with “An Ignorant and Apathetic Electorate.” On the other hand, I didn’t have a problem adding the very specific “Widespread Acceptance of Homosexuality” to the more general category of “Godlessness/Moral Decline.”

The top vote-getters were “An Ignorant and Apathetic Electorate” (36), “Expanding Federal Government/ObamaCare” (33), “Open Border/Illegal Aliens” (30), “National Debt” (24), “Godlessness/Moral Decline” (21), “Lack of Accountability in Washington” (18), “Unemployment” (14)” and “A Corrupt Media” (11).

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The response to my question about the advisability of Barack Obama’s being impeached in 2015, after the midterm elections, was slightly more mixed than I expected, with 188 votes for and 48 against. But the majority of those voting No explained that they really wanted him going to jail; were afraid it would backfire on the Republicans in 2016; or, in a few cases, didn’t want to see Joe Biden in the Oval Office. I, on the other hand, would love to see Biden, the incumbent, and Mrs. Clinton duke it out in the primaries, so long as the GOP nominee eventually wound up winning the general election.

Speaking of which, in response to “Which GOP nominee you would most prefer to see topping the ticket in 2016, it was nip-and-tuck all the way, but in the end, Ted Cruz edged out Ben Carson 65-62. Scott Walker came in third with 50 votes. Of the 27 names that were mentioned, the only others who received double digits were Trey Gowdy with 18 and Rand Paul with 11. The only ones to receive more than five votes were Mitt Romney and Marco Rubio (9), Allen West (8), Sarah Palin (6) and Bobby Jindal (5). Just for the record, Jesus Christ and I each got one vote.

For those of you who live to say “Gotcha!” I acknowledge that if you add up the number of votes garnered by those 12 people, you come up with 245. So how is it that with 15 other politicians receiving between 1 and 4 votes each, I would have the gall to claim that only 265 people responded to the poll? OK, I’ll come clean. It’s because some people simply couldn’t limit themselves to a single candidate. Would you have had me tell them to just suck it up and make a decision for once in their miserable, wishy-washy lives? I considered it, but, heck, I don’t have that many readers to begin with. I figured there was no point in pi–ing off the precious few I do have.

When it came to the GOP candidate they least wanted to see as the standard bearer, 17 people received dishonorable mentions, along with “Any RINO,” “Any country club blueblood,” “Anyone whose parents weren’t American citizens when he was born” and “Anybody who’s been in Washington for more than six years.”

Of the 17 individuals mentioned by name, the top vote-getters were Jeb Bush (76) and Chris Christie (73). For a while, the lead kept switching back and forth, but in the end, Jeb and “Anyone Named Bush” pulled it out.

Others who received double-digit negative votes were John McCain (18), Mitt Romney (14), Rand Paul (11), Rick Santorum and Marco Rubio (10).

I wish I could have personally responded to all 265 of you, but if I had, you wouldn’t have gotten the results until October. So please accept this general thank-you to all who took part in the proceedings, and a grateful tip of the hat to all of you who didn’t bother. I can’t believe how time-consuming this polling business can be!

Frankly, I don’t know if we can conclude anything from these results. But at least now you can’t go around bad-mouthing polls for no better reason than that you’ve never been polled. And for my part, I can brag that in certain weird quarters I’m as popular as Jesus.

Media wishing to interview Burt Prelutsky, please contact [email protected].

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