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Archie Andrews was the love of my life at 12 – but I was forced to share him with sweet Betty and sultry Veronica, of course. How galling.

Faced with the usual dilemma of gracefully deposing a cartoon character who has “lived” ungodly long periods of time, Archie’s creators had him lay down his life for a friend. Isn’t that wonderful? Just as Jesus commended, but with so many variables … and the devil lies in the details, as they say.

One of these details is that by 2014 Archie’s taste in friends has greatly changed. Goofy Jughead was replaced by “best friend” Kevin Keller, an open homosexual. From the malt shop podium they could kick back and extol the virtues of the “gay” life, just like Plato and his disciples (although Plato later reversed this, describing the “crime of male with male, or female with female, is an outrage on nature utterly unholy, odious to the gods and ugliest of ugly things”).

Moving back to Riverdale from Athens, Archie Comics gladly sacrifices their protagonist to homosexual “BFF” Kevin in his final chapter. Although this was issued last month, it’s part of a campaign to reshape comics as a tool of social reeducation.

Progressive “Archie” publisher and co-CEO John Goldwater informed the AP of this himself: “We hope by showing how something so violent can happen to Archie, that we can – in some way – learn from him.”

It’s understandable that Archie’s publishers would want him bashed, because they obviously reached way beyond the public gullibility point. How many straight guys have a “gay” best friend, anyway? Perhaps an acquaintance or even a few friends, but Kevin and Archie discussing baseball and the comparative hotness of his babes?

Goldwater is a true believer, though. Aggressively pushing a type of “gay” hero worship, he claims to have accidentally stumbled across the story idea.

He eulogizes Archie’s murder in a paean of grandeur and praise for the noble sacrifice of life – but it’s obviously all about the homosexuality: “[Archie] dies selflessly in a manner that epitomizes not only the best of Riverdale, but the best in all of us.”

It’s clearly all about the sex, or an “openly gay” character wouldn’t be intrusively inserted into the storyline in Boy Scout country of Riverdale. Merits of homosexuality are never discussed in Goldwater’s interviews or the appropriateness of forcing it on children either. Why not have Archie die for Mother Teresa or a bus load of children? No political capital.

“Archie” writer Dan Parent notes the obvious. A “gay” kid in “the relentlessly wholesome world of Riverdale is surely a sign of the changing times … presented as absolutely normal and uneventful.”

Repeat along with Mr. Parent, class: “Riverdale is an accepting and tolerant community where it’s OK to be gay.” Well if he says so, it must be true.

Whether Goldwater or Parent are “gay” themselves or just in some sort of mindless thralldom, I wouldn’t claim to know. Perhaps that’s where they sniff the money and power is blowing, as so many others in corporate America and the arts have before them.

This could be merely nauseating when created for actual persons they have a crush on or something. But fabricating a homosexual hero merely to propagandize certain sexual proclivities via children’s comics … they haven’t made suitable adjectives for this yet.

Promoting homosexuality to children hasn’t been enough, though – Archie had to die for “great” causes. Why waste it? The other cause is gun control.

Writing for The Wire, Kevin O’Keefe explains the politics. The shooter “is after Kevin … a married senator-elect with big anti-gun plans after another shooter targeted gay victims in the nearby Southport Mall. But it’s unclear whether this shooter is a pro-gun nut or an anti-gay bigot – or both.”

Well, the liberal bigotry from Archie Comics is quite clear.

In fact Archie’s publishers reacted specifically and hostilely to the “One Million Moms” who dared to boycott them in 2011. Writer Parent included a male/male kiss panel specifically to mock the “ring-wing group.”

Inept, well-meaning and bumbling, Archie was always at least a gentleman or trying to be one. An iconic American boy for the very young or innocent, he embodied wistful flirtation at the cusp of romantic fantasy – far before hormones kicked in. No sex, pregnancies, drinking or meth in Riverdale. No nude texting nor suicide attempts by jilted or slandered teen lovers.

There was plenty of bullying though. Can’t remember who the big, dull thug was, but Archie was often accompanied by stars (circling around his head) and black eyes. To his credit Archie never retaliated by threatening to shoot up Riverdale High or decapitate Principal Weatherbee (though highly provoked). Instead he eluded, tricked or argued his way out of danger – all skills helpful to adult survival. How times have changed.

Not that there wasn’t some of those things 20 or 50 years ago, but it wasn’t common or the stuff of children’s fantasies and comic books. Why on earth is it now?

I’ll probably be accused of being a conspiracy theorist for this, but the timing of these social campaigns is extraordinarily coincidental. Goldwater and his cronies launch his big change-the-kids campaign about 2008, the nascent Obama years. Talking points are identical: change, diversity, gun control and promotion of “gay” and alternative lifestyles, specifically in the military – oh, and zombie invasions.

I’m sure it’s a total coincidence, though, and Goldwater and his co-workers have never even heard of Obama or the Democratic national platform, nor are they useful lackeys in any way or have they been promised an ambassador’s position in Libya.

Goldwater proudly announces, “A new Riverdale is born!” with the death of traditional “Archie” and friends.

At its heels comes the news of their new series, “Escape from Riverdale.”

Perhaps some merciful writer/artist team will dream up “Escape from the Undead: Liberals Suck Riverdale Dry: Will Archie save the town in time?”

Incidentally, Goldwater encountered resistance from another quarter at San Diego’s Comic-Con just a few weeks back. Booed by a sizable portion when he announced the impending demise of Archie, he quickly clarified that Archie was only semi-dead.

The series will stream off in different directions. Traditional “Archie” may have bit the dust, but will continue in reruns for newspapers.

140805archieafterlifeOther reincarnations of “Archie” will live on in “Afterlife with Archie.” There, he dons Freddie Kruger masks and runs with the undead, either fighting or being a flesh-eating zombie or vampire – I can’t quite tell. Anyway these are your kids’ heroes from now on, where they can fit it with other comics and American entertainment. There’s Madame Satan, demonology, occultism, shape-shifting animals, “dark, forbidden magic” and gore. Don’t forget “unspeakable evil.” I’m sure we needed more of that.

If his publishers weren’t aware how vested Americans were in Archie, they definitely did by 2009, the year he announced he would marry … Veronica? Fans of all ages were distraught and enraged. They’ve made a horrible mistake – not the spoiled, rich girl! So great was the deluge that the New York Times wrote it was all a misunderstanding, a mere fantasy. Archie was saved … for a while.
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Although I loved classical literature by then, Archie and the gang were my personal escape vehicles from a noxiously bad algebra teacher in the 7th grade. To solidify our collective loathing, a few of us camped under desktops reading comics, sharing make-up and viciously dissing the teacher (who really deserved it, by the way.)

But another memory comes to mind – my shock at first learning about homosexuality, thanks to junior high sex-ed. I was blissfully unaware of the mechanics of the act, although kids have probably been calling each other “faggot” for centuries. Still most of us had no idea exactly what that entailed – maybe something like weird hair – and we somehow survived.

Thanks to public education, the tireless campaigning of Planned Parenthood and self-interested work of LGBT groups who do not wish to run out of new flesh, your children and grandchildren will be much more sexually sophisticated and curious. And Archie Comics promises to aid in this quest per their press releases.

Archie’s publishers sued those who sullied their name or patent image in 1962 when Help! Magazine parodied them in “Goodman Goes Playboy.” The gang was fornicating, stealing cars, getting knocked up and hosting orgies. Homosexuality wasn’t mentioned, probably because it was unthinkable to publically promote – even in a parody – in 1962.
oAs recently as 2003 Archie Comics sued Dads’ Garage Theater before they could stage “Archie’s Weird Fantasy,” which involved – you guessed it – Archie and his pals “coming out” in New York City. Remarkably, only a decade ago the publishing company felt Archie portrayed as “gay” would “dilute and tarnish his image.”

What happened since then? Homosexuality couldn’t have greatly evolved over the last 11 years (other than fancier sex toys and digitized porn).

Danica Davidson (ACT-MTV) recalls the innocuous “Archie” series as a kid when “the most dramatic thing was whether his date would be with Betty or Veronica.” Now she gushes admiringly over “Archie” for taking on “serious subjects” such as LGBTQ rights and gun violence. Obviously “serious,” they also kill the interest of most child readers immediately who may not appreciate being subjects of liberal propaganda at virtually all times and places.

Apparently publisher Archie Comics thinks this is the way of the future, following in the politically expedited footsteps of DC and Marvel Comics. Although the art and variety of subjects from these giants is impressive, they have a common tendency troubling to conservatives (whom I would define here as “the sane”).

Characters and plots over the last decade are all headed toward any dark, slippery, violent and occult story line they can find or commission. Sadly, the art with the horror/social engineering/drama series is actually much better, its sole redemptive quality.

Mucho gracias, Archie Comics, DC and Dark Horse et al., for your part in making a brave new kid’s world where nothing is sacred or innocent anymore and making Riverdale into Washington, D.C. Now that’s truly terrifying.

SOURCES: act.mtv.com / www.comicbookresources.com/ ComicsAlliance.com / www.ign.com/articles / CharismaNews.com

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