Editor's note: Pastor Reb Bradley is the author of the classic best-selling parenting resource "Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When my Children Were Young," newly updated and reintroduced. Here he sounds off on the No. 1 child-rearing controversy of the day.
NFL football player Adrian Peterson has been indicted by a Montgomery County, Texas, grand jury for abusing his 4-year-old son. Peterson claims he merely administered discipline the same way he had received it growing up and believed it would teach his son right from wrong. He apologized to the boy's mother, expressing regret not for the spanking, but for using a switch that was not smooth enough. As photos of the injuries showed, the tops of the boy's legs were bruised and scratched from the sharp ridges of the switch. According to his testimony, Peterson claims that he administered corporal punishment out of love for his son and meant it to help him develop character.
Peterson thought he was doing good to his son, but can well-meaning parents accidentally harm their children? Absolutely they can. And according to most child protection statutes, leaving marks on a child is automatic evidence of harm or "abuse." Since local jurisdictions cannot wait 10 years to see if a child has actually suffered psychologically from spankings, they have had to devise a simple standard of measurement, which may or may not be accurate. Almost universally, abuse is measured by marks on the skin. In this case, because of the damage to his son's skin, I would expect that Peterson will be found guilty of "negligent injury to a child." However, because of his notoriety and the innocence of his intent, I suspect he will be given a "slap on the wrist" and sent to parenting classes. Just my guess.
As someone who writes and travels the globe presenting seminars on parenting, I'll offer my take on the allegations presented in Peterson's case. Here is what he has confessed to:
- Peterson acknowledges that he spanked his 4-year-old son using a switch.
- He says that the switch bruised and scratched his son because it had rough ridges.
- The photos of the wounds indicate that the child was struck at least 14 times on the tops of his bare legs.
- He says that he uses spanking as negative reinforcement to help his son curtail misbehavior.
- He regrets the injuries he caused and has apologized for them.
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Here is what is alleged and is yet unproven:
- His son claims Peterson was angry when he administered the spanking.
- He says that his dad has used a belt on him at times.
- His son also claims that he has hit him in the head at other times.
Here's my take. I believe Peterson is a good father, but was wrong in how he disciplined his son.
People, civilized and uncivilized, have used spanking to teach their children self-control for thousands of years. In most cultures it has been used to help children learn to say NO to themselves and YES to what is right. It wasn't until 50 years ago that parenting books began to discourage spanking. Instead of reinforcing the absolute importance of raising children of good character through balancing love and discipline, the new "experts" emphasized raising children who were independent, expressive and "self-actualized." Since the '60s the change in emphasis saw a dramatic increase in narcissism and hedonism in our culture.
Since 1960 the rate of violent crime has increased more than 300 percent. Did you follow that? The FBI crime statistics reveal more than a 300 percent increase. If we were a corporation and the executive board was informed that defects due to poor production quality were up 3 percent, they would be alarmed. If the report revealed a 30 percent increase, heads would roll. If there had been a 300 percent hike, you can only imagine the outrage. They would waste no time examining the process to find the cause of the problem and correcting it. America has seen excessive moral decline in the last 50 years, and little thought is given to it.
Violent crime is up more than 300 percent; illegal drug use has risen more than 400 percent; the divorce rate is nearly 50 percent; STDs are rampant among our young people; children born out of wedlock make up 40 percent of all births; SAT scores have dropped almost 10 percent; schools are plagued not just by a significant increase in cheating, but by violence, drugs and sexual assaults. In the last 50 years, America has sunk into a moral cesspool, and it seems that no one in a position of power has diagnosed the problem.
The bottom line is that every generation of adults is a reflection of the way they were parented. Generally speaking, if someone steals, then his or her parents did not train them to respect other people's property. If an adult is violent, then he was raised to value himself over others. If Millennials are narcissistic hedonists, then it was their parents who accidentally raised them that way. The problem and its cause is not really that complicated. Our nation is a moral mess, because parents don't know how to raise children of character.
Someone like Adrian Peterson is trying to employ the approach to parenting that was used successfully for centuries and worked well on him. He wants his son to grow up with self-control and responsibility. Unfortunately, Peterson, like all of us, is flawed and therefore makes mistakes in his judgments and acts of discipline.
When I heard that Peterson had whipped his son 14 times with a switch and left abrasions and bruises I was sickened. Just the thought of injuring a child that way angers me. I am a proponent of spanking, but not of overdoing it. Spanking must not be done in anger, not on the legs, not on the head, not with an implement that damages the skin, and certainly not with 14 strokes. If, as his son claimed, his dad spanked him in anger, then he accidentally taught his son that it is OK to take out aggression on smaller, more helpless people.
Spanking is not an act in which a parent wails on his kid and yells, "I'll teach you to do that to me." Parents – spanking is not about YOU. Such an approach can actually foster violence in children. Proper spanking simply offers some negative reinforcement for young children when they demonstrate defiance or rebellion and NOT when they make childish mistakes. The unpleasant consequence for misbehavior motivates better behavior. It helps children in the first five years of life develop self-control, the key trait of maturity. Without self-control they will grow up, but they will never mature. Our nation is now morally out-of-control because it is populated by individuals who lack self-control, most likely because they were catered to and not spanked for defiance when they were young.
So – did Peterson permanently warp his son by spanking him? I doubt it – at least not by the spanking, as poorly executed as it was. A calmly delivered spanking on the bottom would have served his purpose better. Adrian Peterson loves his son and wants to raise him properly, but quite honestly, I would encourage him to concentrate on cultivating a strong relationship of love. By the time his son is a teenager, love will motivate him far more than fear.
Media wishing to interview Reb Bradley, please contact [email protected].
Reb Bradley, a retired pastor, has devoted his life to strengthening families. His recently updated classic book is "Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When my Children Were Young." Bradley is a speaker, radio counselor, talk-show host and best-selling author. He and his wife, Beverly, live in California and have taught all six of their children at home.