As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began.
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire;
And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!
– Rudyard Kipling, "The Gods of the Copybook Headings"
I have a confession to make: My husband and I are bad parents. You see, when our daughters were young, we spanked them. We're of the old school of thought about raising children and believe kids should respect their parents, and sometimes that concept needs to be reinforced with the palm of the hand on the seat of the pants.
But a reader once told me, "I find the term 'well-disciplined' applied to children rather ominous." Yes, she actually said that.
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The unspoken implication of this statement is that well-disciplined children are clearly beaten into submission since they behave with respect and self-control. To some people, self-control and discipline are ominous.
The vast majority of a child's life (at least, when raised by conscientious parents) is spent learning. Daily, in small increments, they are being trained by their parents to exercise self-control and respectful behavior. And sometimes the training needs to be reinforced with the palm of the hand on the seat of their pants.
But like so many other parenting standards, training and discipline are going out of style. In 2010, an English article reported: "One in four parents won't discipline their children for fear of upsetting them. … Researchers found that both mothers and fathers shy away from telling off their children because they don't want to be seen as unfair or too strict. … [M]ore than half (55 percent) of those polled said they dished out less discipline than their own parents did. Despite this, more than one in three said they feared a lack of discipline could lead to their child getting into trouble in future. Three in 10 parents admitted they were a 'pushover.'"
In this survey, "Nine in 10 adults considered themselves to be well-disciplined as a child – with six in 10 being smacked or sent to their bedroom and almost half being ordered to bed early. One in five adults said they were banished to bed without dinner, while one in 10 had their 'ears boxed' or their mouths washed out with soap. Ninety-three percent said they grew up respecting their elders and feared a telling off from their fathers, mothers and teachers, and eight in 10 said one scolding was enough to stop them from misbehaving again. But the poll found that today's kids have a much easier ride, with one in four parents openly avoiding disciplining their children because they wanted 'an easy life.'"
An easy life? What's easy about raising an undisciplined out-of-control brat? I once saw a poster showing a sulky child with the text, "Of course we're bullies and disrespectful brats. What did you think would happen when you took away our parents' rights to beat our [fannies]?"
And now even the previously popular "time-out" is losing support. That's because, according to Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, parents aren't doing it right. Says this article: "[T]he method is all too often messed up and administered as a punishment when parents are angry, Siegel says, insisting that the consequences can be serious. 'Decades of research in attachment demonstrate that particularly in times of distress, we need to be near and be soothed by the people who care for us,' he wrote for Time magazine in an article that sparked controversy in September. 'When the parental response is to isolate the child, an instinctual psychological need of the child goes unmet.'"
Swats on the tush are now considered abusive, despite their proven effectiveness. Now they want to get rid of time-outs too? What's next? Parents are running out of options for keeping their children's brattiness in check.
Parents used to do fine raising their children until "experts" came along and told them they were doing it all wrong. And people believed them. When did moms and dads become such wimps about their instincts? When did we decide the wisdom of our parents and grandparents was no longer wise? When did we become afraid to stand up to bratty toddlers or argumentative children or out-of-control teens? When when when?
It seems parents of every recent generation are anxious to reinvent the wheel in terms of child-raising without considering that the wheel has yet to be surpassed for versatility and performance. Clearly, there is a bell curve of effective parenting techniques, just as there is a bell curve of parents. But the indisputable fact is clear: Children need discipline. Undisciplined children grow up to be a plague on society.
Frankly, I haven't found anything better than an occasional swat on the bottom to correct a recalcitrant child. I don't mean a beating; I mean a swat. It works wonders to remind the child of one critical lesson: I'M THE BOSS.
My reader may consider well-disciplined children "ominous," but what does she think of young monsters who yank products from store shelves, kick other kids in the shins, or smear jam onto carpets without consequences? Personally, if left uncorrected, I don't view these as cute little childhood anecdotes; I view them as ominous indicators that we have a thug in training.
Society has been turned completely upside-down by people anxious to shake off the time-tested ways to raise stable, happy, productive children. And what did these "ominous" child-raising techniques create? Productive adults with the self-control to get married before having children. People who had a sense of responsibility and personal self-control. Citizens who then worked hard to produce another generation of stable, happy children by offering love, training and, yes, discipline as necessary. Is this ominous?
I have great faith and belief that many of the old ways of raising kids worked just fine, and we shouldn't mess with success … especially in matters of human nature. Under ideal circumstances, I believe children do best in an intact two-parent home with firm "alpha" parents who are unified in their love and parenting style, and apply consistent and strong discipline to their kids. Children, as the saying goes, are born liberal, and it's up to the parents to raise them "right."
No matter how ominous it may seem.
Media wishing to interview Patrice Lewis, please contact [email protected].
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