With all due to respect to America’s best comedian, Jeff Foxworthy:

If you went to the local adoption agency and asked for a gay baby, you just might be a liberal.

If you have ever walked around campus with a mattress on your back, you just might be a liberal.

If you dumped a glass of water on your brother-in-law when he referred to Elizabeth Warren as “Pocahontas,” you just might be a liberal.

If you identify as a lesbian but actually like men, you just might be a liberal.

If you gave a standing O to “Book of Mormon” on Broadway, but denounced the video trailer for “Innocence of Muslims” as “disgusting and reprehensible,” you just might be a liberal, or, in fact, Hillary Clinton.

If you’ve desperately combed through your address file looking for a black person to invite to your daughter’s wedding, you are almost surely a liberal.

If your idea of a classic car is a 1997 Prius, you just might be a liberal.

If the name “Frank Marshall Davis” doesn’t ring a bell, you just might be a liberal.

If you’ve ever actually said the word “meme” out loud, you just might be a liberal.

If you work for Planned Parenthood and have a “Black Lives Matter” bumper sticker on your car, you are definitely a liberal.

If you scrunch up your face and wave your hand in front of your nose when you pass a smoker, you just might be a liberal.

If you don’t even know anyone with more than two children, you just might be a liberal.

If you thought Barack Obama deserved his Nobel Peace Prize, you just might be a liberal.

If, on those rare occasions you think about God, you think of Him as her, you just might be a liberal.

If you have ever attended a candlelight vigil to protest something that proved to be a hoax, you just might be a liberal.

If you have used the word “undocumented” as something other than a punch line for a joke, you just might be a liberal.

If the only kind of gun you allow in your house is for caulking, you just might be a liberal.

If you don’t flinch at least just a little bit when a man introduces another man as his “husband,” you just might be a liberal.

If you’ve ever watched a war movie and rooted for the other guys, you just might be a liberal.

If you send your kid to an urban public high school that calls itself an “academy,” you just might be a liberal.

If you send your kid to an urban public high school that doesn’t call itself an “academy,” you surely are a liberal.

If you laugh at people who protest embryonic stem-cell research but refuse to eat GMOs, you just might be a liberal.

If you’ve already scolded your neighbor for calling Bruce Jenner “Bruce Jenner,” you just might be a liberal.

If you have Michael Brown’s birthday marked off in your date book, you just might be a liberal.

If you make your kid wear a helmet when he plays on a jungle gym, you just might be a liberal.

If you brag about your compost pile, you just might be a liberal.

If you’re brag about your compost pile, and you live in an apartment, you certainly are a liberal.

If you dragged your kids to the first midnight showing of “Selma,” you just might be a liberal.

If you’ve ever said – or even thought – “I don’t mind paying taxes,” you just might be a liberal.

If you insist on pronouncing Nicaragua correctly, you just might be a liberal.

If you routinely use the f-word to describe making love, you just might be a liberal … or a redneck.

And finally, if you insist on calling yourself a “progressive,” you most certainly are a liberal.

Jack Cashill’s investigative-reporting skills shine in his many books — see them now in WND’s Superstore

Media wishing to interview Jane Chastain, please contact [email protected].

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