(New York Times) The blue eyes of Pamela Ross, 54, wince and cloud when she thinks back on the years that she spent with her ex-husband, Robert L. Dear Jr. They were together 16 years or so, and married for about a dozen of them.

He was good to the son they had together, now 25 years old, whom they raised in Walterboro, S.C., about an hour west of Charleston, with her son from a previous relationship.

She acknowledged on Saturday that she had once called the police about him but declined to talk about it. A police incident report shows that in 1997 she told the police that he had locked her out of her home, and had “hit her and pushed her out the window” when she tried to climb in. He also shoved her to the ground. The report said she did not want to file any charges, but simply “wanted something on record of this incident occurring.”

Mr. Dear could be angry at times, she said, sometimes angry with her. But he was the kind who usually followed a flash of anger with an apology.

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