Every few months, the radio station I have on pre-set in my car tests my patience by having all their conservative talk-show hosts conduct a “Food for the Poor” campaign. I suppose it makes all the talkers think well of themselves. After all, they get to feel they’re doing God’s work, and, best of all, they don’t have to get out of their chairs to do it.

My problem with the commercials is that the recipients always seem to be living in Haiti and Guatemala. I mean, I might understand an occasional fundraiser for Americans wiped out by a natural disaster, such as the flood the folks down in Baton Rouge recently experienced.

But the fact that these campaigns are always being waged on behalf of the same foreigners year after year strikes me as unreasonable. Whatever happened to the notion of teaching someone to fish so he could feed himself? If these nations simply lack the know-how or initiative to feed its citizens, perhaps they should consider offering themselves up for adoption. I suspect that both places have sufficient natural resources to entice a First World nation into making an offer.

I realize it’s a radical notion, but those commercials are really getting on my nerves. I particularly hate the way the talk-show pundits seem to think they have to sound like the smarmiest sort of televangelist simply because they’re reading copy that’s not pitching potato chips or precious metals.


I oppose abortions because I consider it murder. However, of all the abortions I oppose, the ones I oppose the most are those my tax dollars are used to fund. I realize that Planned Parenthood insists that tax dollars are only used for those female health issues having nothing to do with abortions. But I know flapdoodle when I hear it. For one thing, were it not for the hundreds of thousands of abortions they perform year after year, decade after decade, Planned Parenthood would be nothing more than a gleam in Margaret Sanger’s racist eye.

For another thing, money is money. Anyone who believes that the zombies at Planned Parenthood don’t spend every last dollar they receive, whatever its source, any damn way they like just might be in the market for the Brooklyn and Golden Gate Bridges I’m offering for the price of one.

I realize that in a society that frowns on making people responsible for their actions, my next suggestion will never gain traction, but it strikes me that if people are going to require others to fund their abortions, it shouldn’t be considered unreasonable to require that they and the sperm donors be sterilized. After all, like abortions, it’s a perfectly safe and simple surgical procedure.


One of my readers, a guy named Ralph, has come up with a nifty notion. He suggests that President Trump offer Hillary Clinton a job in his administration. No, not as secretary of state! A man would have to be a complete dunce to do that. Ralph’s idea is that Trump should appoint Hillary to be his press secretary because the media accept everything she says as gospel.


Another of my perceptive readers, a lady named Wanda, who was initially lukewarm about Trump’s candidacy, admits that, thanks to the corrupt media and the swarm of cowardly Republicans who are doing their best to get Mrs. Clinton back in the White House, she is now solidly behind Mr. Trump.

I told her I had experienced a similar epiphany. “Sometimes,” I replied, “it’s much easier to judge a man by his enemies than by his friends. I suppose that’s because you can sometimes buy your friends, whereas you have to go out and earn your enemies.”


When I heard Hillary Clinton in 2004 say: “We need more people like George Soros, people who are fearless and ready to step forward,” I knew everything I would ever need to know about the state of her soul.

Soros, a Hungarian Jew who made his bones as a teenager working for the Nazis, separating his fellow Jews from their valuables as they were getting on cattle cars heading to places like Auschwitz, just might be the vilest creature currently residing in America. In a just world, he would have been tried as a war criminal. Instead, he became a billionaire in the nether world of currency manipulation. And that is the sort of person Mrs. Clinton wishes we had in greater abundance. I’m afraid that she will have to die and go to hell in order to have that particular wish granted.

In case you think I’m exaggerating, Soros has not only donated $13 million to the Democrats this year, $7 million of it specifically earmarked for Mrs. Clinton, but he has also donated $10 million to groups and individuals working to delegitimize Israel.

Experience more of Burt Prelutsky’s humor and wit in his books — at WND’s Superstore.

As yet, I haven’t heard of anyone suggesting that the DNC or Hillary Clinton return his blood-money. But, then, the Clintons have never spurned a dollar from any of the anti-Semitic, misogynistic, Arab/Muslim states in the Middle East that have flooded their foundation with multi-millions in bribes.

In yet another example of a fool and his money being separated, Soros, through his Open Society Institute, which works primarily to keep America’s borders open to any and all, donated $30 million to Al Gore’s Alliance for Climate Protection to help push global-warming policies on the U.S. So far as creeps like Soros and Gore are concerned, the worse America’s economy does, the better they seem to like it. Why else, after all, would they promote a hoax that would have virtually no effect on the world’s weather, but would cripple the economies of the industrial West?

To me, climate protection consists of umbrellas, parasols and galoshes. To George Soros, it’s a way to shut down the coal and oil industries, to shutter steel factories and auto plants, and to ultimately bankrupt America. It would be the final solution for a left-wing currency manipulator.


Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in what must have struck the pinhead as a profound insight, announced: “If ISIS represents Islam, the KKK represents Christianity.”

I suppose that’s the sort of inane observation one should expect from a guy who decided the best way to show his contempt for a racist America was by adopting a name from the vermin who rounded up his ancestors a few hundred years ago.

But I also blame the UCLA athletic department. Back when he was still calling himself Lew Alcindor and dunking basketballs, I was friends with an associate professor in the sociology department. He let me know that John Wooden’s coaching assistants were visiting all of Jabbar’s professors, pressuring them to give him passing grades in order to maintain his eligibility to continue playing basketball for the Bruins.

And that, my friends, is how a lunkhead gets a reputation as a scholar-athlete.


Note: I just wanted to let you know that although, for some unfathomable reason, I am unable to post comments, I read all of yours. Anyone who wishes to receive feedback need only write to me at [email protected]. But comments and questions only; no sharing of links or videos.

Media wishing to interview Burt Prelutsky, please contact [email protected].

Note: Read our discussion guidelines before commenting.