Well, maybe that’s not an actual Chinese proverb, but it’s certainly advice to keep in mind for anybody who’s watching the government’s handling of “Cash for Clunkers” while it’s also attempting to seize complete control of health care.

Cash for Clunkers – a program that our genius financial managers in Washington had skillfully budgeted to run, appropriately enough, until around Halloween – was suspended after just a few days because it ran out of money.

The architects of Cash for Clunkers couldn’t organize a two hybrid car funeral, but they continue to throw your money at their incompetence, because late last week the House approved $2 billion more so Cash for Clunkers can keep clunking along.

But the item to focus on is the gross budget mismanagement from people who have as much experience running a business in the real world as my dog does at piloting F-16s.

The Obama administration is attempting to use the fact that the program was popular with consumers as evidence that it was a “success,” but it only serves as evidence of Obama administration and congressional incompetence. Unfortunately for Obama and company, many people are aware that sometimes “too successful” is far more expensive than “didn’t work at all.” If Apollo 11 had been “too successful” by the Obama administration’s definition, the crew would have overshot the moon, and they’d be dead and halfway to Alpha Centauri by now. “That’s one small loss of men, one giant leap for bureaucracy.”

In the private sector, when you create a sale or promotion of some sort, you must make sure you’re covered in the event it’s popular with consumers. Poor planning leads to unhappy customers, which culminates in going out of business. Fortunately for the government, they have no such consequence as “going out of business.” In government, incompetence is rewarded. If it screws up, it simply takes more of your money to cover its mistakes.

But people are catching on, and you’re seeing that reflected in the poll numbers for government-run health care and even in Obama’s falling approval ratings.

One car salesman summed up the concern of any American with an I.Q. above Tim Geithner’s shoe size: “If they can’t administer a program like this, I’d be a little concerned about my health insurance.” Indeed.

Unfortunately for Obama, Pelosi, Frank, et al, this is going to be an oft-repeated observation. We may be intimidated by the size and scope of health care and think that somebody else may know better than we do when it comes to something that complex, but when we see those same people screw up a freakin’ car sale, the mask comes off and we don’t want that same bunch messing with our health too.

Think about it this way: If you were waiting to turn in your car, the “we’re outta money” suspension probably wasn’t a big deal – but what if you were waiting for kidney dialysis, chemo or bypass surgery? This will come up on a daily basis with the government in charge of budgeting for your health care.

If just the single example of Cash for Clunkers isn’t enough to cause unease at the thought of the government taking over the health care system, then go back to the “converter box” coupon program during the transition to digital television. That program quickly exceeded the $1.34 billion funding limit set by Congress, causing a delay in the transition and costing an additional few billion dollars to taxpayers and private industry. Cash for Clunkers is brought to us by most of the same people – the same ones who will bring us our “free” health care.

The White House and Congress will continue to resuscitate Cash for Clunkers no matter how much it ends up costing. They have to – because the total failure of this “wild success” may well kill their dreams of national health care, and they know it.

Here’s something for older Americans to ponder: In Cash for Clunkers, the old cars are turned in and put in the scrap heap – even if the cars still run and could be of use to somebody. Americans in their twilight years should be especially wary of the architects of Cash for Clunkers being in control of their health care.

If Cash for Clunkers helps sink Obamacare, then the incredible waste will be money well spent. Who says this government can’t spend wisely once in a while?

One particularly slow evening, I decided to flip through the job applications that were filed in a cabinet below the desk. One in particular has stuck in my head all these years. On one of the completed applications, someone – I assume it was the store manager – had written in marker, “No! Black.”

This was back in ’90. No, not 1890 – but 1990.

That personal brush with racism has always served as a reminder for me that real obstacles still exist for a whole lot of people, and why such skepticism still exists. This is why “race pimps” in America need to be confronted and exposed as frauds and counter to the cause for which they claim to be fighting.

My optimism for the future of race relations in the United States took a hit last week when even the president of the United States got in on the act by assuming that the officer who arrested Harvard professor Henry Gates “acted stupidly.” Obama then went into a diatribe about race relations in America, implying that the arrest was racially motivated and an exercise in profiling – because hey, all white people profile.

All indications are that the officer wanted to make sure the home belonged to Gates for his own safety after a neighbor called the police to report a burglary, and Gates, who apparently has a bigger chip on his shoulder than an ant carrying a Dorito, wasn’t playing along. According to the police report, Gates was also upset that the officers didn’t recognize him. Since when did university professors start thinking they’re Madonna?

In any case, President Obama has invited Henry Gates and officer Crowley over for a beer, because everybody knows that any racial dispute can be defused by adding alcohol to the situation – it’s just common sense. Crowley, to my knowledge, has yet to accept the invitation.

In the name of helping end all racial bias, I hope officer Crowley does not accept the invitation, because to do so would be tantamount to an admission of guilt to a charge of racism. This much is certain: Crowley isn’t being invited over to be the recipient of an apology or even to engage in meaningful dialog – but for an intervention, community organizer-style.

The fact that the Fraternal Order of Police endorsed John McCain for president may have also contributed to Obama’s unwillingness to give any benefit of the doubt to officer Crowley, and maybe that will be covered in the intervention.

Did Crowley overreact by arresting a man just for being lippy on his own property? That would have been a valid question, but Obama immediately, and perhaps instinctively, turned it into a race issue and threw all validity out the window. In language the president can understand, if Obama were a doctor, he removed the tonsils for reasons other than the patient’s health.

The bad news is that, yes, racism still does exist in America. The good news is that sometimes those who are the loudest about being oppressed are some of the most successful people in the country.

Obama’s gathering for a beer might make for a good Bud Light commercial:

Bud Light presents: Real men of racial genius (♫ “Reeaaal men of racial geniuuussss …” ♫)

Today, we salute you, Mr. anti-racial profiling racial profiler guy. (♫ “Mr. Anti-Racial Profiling Racial Profiler Guy!” ♫)

Armed with knowledge of a long history of past injustice and a laundry list of “yo momma” jokes, you proudly defend yourself against the racist cop who showed up assuming you were a crook. And why? Because somehow that racist made one of your own neighbors call the cops on you. (♫ “Put that night-stick away!” ♫)

Undaunted in your quest to prove that the best way to win the long struggle to end profiling is by assuming that all white cops are racists, you demonstrate that oppression has to have been experienced to be understood. And who better understands the nightmare of minority oppression in America than a university professor who earns a high six-figure salary and has summers off?

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh beacon of blind assumptions. Because ironically, even though the honkies are out to get you, you’ll always be welcome in the White House.

In addition to the goings-on in the House, a Senate committee has approved a preliminary health care bill. The Senate bill is named “Quality, Affordable Health Coverage for All Americans,” and the pitch is that it would create a government-sponsored health program that would compete with the private sector.

For starters, the government “competing” with the private sector is like a monster that challenges you to a “fair fight” knowing full well that it can rip your arms off and beat you to death with your own limbs.

In Washington, D.C., every attempt is being made to convince Americans they can have two countries in one – a free-market nation and a socialist nation – and that consumers (you and me) can just pick which one we prefer to live in. Anyone who buys this can put the purchase right up there with the deed to their Colorado swampland and stock certificate for a majority share of the Brooklyn bridge. Besides, the government, though slow, crooked, stupid and misguided, isn’t dumb – just in case the private sector could compete with their national health care plan, “Obamacare” will give Americans the choice between government health care and private insurance, and then simply outlaw private insurance.

The “Quality, Affordable Health Coverage for All Americans” (it started out on a local level as “Quality, Affordable Coverage in Kansas” but QUACK, though an appropriate acronym for this particular bill, didn’t quite make the cut) bill requires every American to carry health insurance. So there it is – health care is a right, and it will be mandatory. My question, simply put, is this: What kind of a “right” is mandatory, and if you don’t exercise that right you can be punished with fines and/or jail? Some “right”!

Let’s try Congress and Obama-style logic, or lack thereof, on other rights and see if it makes sense. For example, you have the “right” to peaceful assembly. Would we still consider this to be a “right” if the government said that every American must participate in peaceful assembly, and you will assemble in the town square at noon every day to view your daily re-education film on the virtues of hope and change or else face jail time, fines or both? For too many, the answer is “yes.”

But all is right with the world, because if the Democrats get their way, we’ll all be equally ill and broke – and “fairness” is what the New Hope is all about. One thing I agreed with John McCain about during the campaign was, if the American medical system is run by the government, where will Canadians go for their health care? So at the very least the government should consider the needs of our friends to the north.

Here’s the maddening part about any plan for national health care, though hardly unexpected: American politicians are so selfless that they won’t even include themselves as recipients of this glorious health care “right” they’re being so gracious as to try and bless the rest of us with. Those people are always giving something back, aren’t they? How noble.

Rep. John Fleming has an amendment that would require lawmakers in Washington to enroll in any government-run health plan it decides is best, not to mention mandatory, for the rest of us. Sign the petition here. There’s no better way to ensure that idiotic laws don’t get passed than by making Congress know it’ll have to obey them.

It’s more than a little perplexing how all those people who cried “fascist” at the thought that George W. Bush might be tapping their phones and listening to them order a pizza are the same ones who have no problem whatsoever not only handing the Obama administration all their medical records – but don’t even mind having them taken from them under the guise of it being their “right” as a free people. Such dreams of nirvana always evolve into totalitarian nightmares – at which point Congress and Obama will declare “totalitarian nightmares” to be a mandatory right of all Americans.

Some are trying to make the case that only another stimulus will save the economy, which is a little like asking the captain of the Titanic to hit another iceberg in the hopes it will plug up the holes made by the first one. The very idea of a second Obama stimulus is sheer madness, which is exactly what makes it a very real possibility. And to top it off an administration that has been called “Gilligan’s Island without the professor” is in control of General Motors – but you can read all about that in next month’s issue of Czar & Driver magazine.

There should be nothing more disconcerting to Americans than seeing a bunch of politicians in a hurry. The president, Senate Democrats and a few falsely labeled “Republicans” rushed through the stimulus package like Trent Lott scurrying through South Central at dusk. Now, to cover the enormous “stimulus” outlay that, by design, does nothing but increase the size and reach of the government, they must reload the coffers by trying to tax you for each time you toast bread or exhale (“pay as you blow”?) via carbon and energy taxes.

The quest of carbon-based life to spend every last penny on earth to get rid of carbon will turn out to be either the most costly suicide ever, or the most expensive scam of all time. Frankly, I’m not thrilled with either option, but I have a pretty good idea which it is.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, because cap and trade is going global. President Obama met with other G8 leaders in Rome to figure out ways to control Earth’s temperature using nothing but the remaining contents of your paycheck. Impressive. I’ll bet even MacGyver couldn’t do that!

I have to admit, creating a fear of naturally occurring phenomena like the weather and temperature to achieve power while providing a justification to steal both money and freedom is medieval, but conceptually brilliant and a time-honored tradition among people seeking a way to take advantage of the ignorant.

World governments, under the tutelage of Al Gore, are taking a page from Christopher Columbus and telling uneducated natives (and/or those who received a government education) during an eclipse, “Give us your trinkets and corn, and we’ll bring the sun back.” The G8 participants are pretending that they, via expensive economy-busting regulations, have any ability to control the temperature, and if we (and most importantly our wallets) follow them, we’ll be safe.

The fact is that if the average temperature fluctuates at all in either direction, as it always does over time, we’re going to pay for it with money and freedom. “Climate change” is the ultimate fascist movement – and yet Al Gore has the gall to liken the “struggle against global warming” to the fight against the Nazis? If Al Gore is Winston Churchill, then Archie Bunker is Martin Luther King Jr.

On the upside, if Obama continues to get his wish list fulfilled, the U.S. will no longer be among the eight richest countries in the world, so he won’t be invited back to agree on any more devastatingly arrogant schemes. The U.S. may then be replaced on the G8 by Al Gore, who within a couple of years will be the wealthiest nation-sized object on the planet.

In perhaps the least surprising – but funniest – comment in the past couple of weeks, Obama endorser and alleged Republican Colin Powell actually expressed surprise at the lack of fiscal responsibility coming from the Obama administration. This was a little like watching somebody who lobbied to bring the circus to town wondering where all the clowns came from.

The good news is that Bernard Madoff’s former office space is vacant, so if the government decides to move in, this should be one area where they can save a little bit of taxpayer money because it’s already plumbed for hot and cold running Ponzi.

I know what you’re thinking: “South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford is busted with an Argentinean mistress, and Sarah Palin resigns?” Those looking to Palin’s resignation as a signal of some sort of as yet to be exposed “wrongdoing” on her part don’t know politics. In politics, the guilty are the ones who stick around – that’s why we’re in so much trouble.

After Palin’s announcement on Friday, the rumor mill began buzzing even louder than usual. Theories ranging from claims that Palin is about to be charged with embezzlement, to she’s pregnant again, to she’s running for president, to my own theory that Palin quit to become the host of her own game show called “You Bet’cha Life!”

There were also the expected tasteless jokes about her kids under the guise of “satire.” One of these sensitive, caring liberals wrote that Palin is “the first politician to actually try to increase the population of retarded people.” And all along I thought that was ACORN’s job.

Predictably, those who seem to have devoted their lives to being Sarah Palin’s sworn enemies were, in exceedingly generous gestures, the first out of the gate to offer Palin post-resignation career advice.

Among all the reactions to Palin’s resignation, none was more stark-raving contradictory than the Democratic National Committee’s response:

DNC Spokesman Brad Woodhouse:

“Either Sarah Palin is leaving the people of Alaska high and dry to pursue her long shot national political ambitions or she simply can’t handle the job now that her popularity has dimmed and oil revenues are down. Either way – her decision to abandon her post and the people of Alaska who elected her continues a pattern of bizarre behavior that more than anything else may explain the decision she made today.”

Those who dismissed Palin as the governor of a meaningless, backward state are now the first out of the gate to accuse her of abandoning her absolutely vital duties to that important state? Funny.

I don’t recall anybody accusing Barack Obama of abandoning his post and the people of Illinois when he resigned his senate seat after 46 months – half of which were spent traipsing around 57 states running for president. If Palin is running for president, she’s doing it the responsible way. Obama is the one who “abandoned” his constituents, not that we heard anything about that from the mainstream press Obamaphiles.

The same day Palin announced her resignation, DNC cabana boy David Gergen said this on CNN:

I think most of us long ago gave up trying to figure out what goes on in Sarah Palin’s head.

Coming from a guy who can figure out what goes on in Joe Biden’s head, this is a compliment of the highest order.

The truth is that nobody really knows the truth. Maybe even the Palins don’t know for sure. I must confess in a fit of selfishness that I’d be disappointed to see her out of the picture in the national political scene at a time when there is a dire shortage of conservatism in public office. When it comes to the choice of GOP presidential candidates of late, I’ve felt like an ichthyophobic at a sushi bar.

But if Sarah Palin is running for president, politically speaking, there’s little to no downside to resigning now to focus on national politics. If she ran for president and kept the job as governor, she’d be accused – this time perhaps rightly so – of neglecting her post as she traveled the lower 48. By resigning, Palin is adhering to the Hippocratic oath of politics: First do yourself no harm.

In other words, denying her resume an extra year and a half as Alaska governor is not going to be a deal-breaker when it comes to whether or not Sarah Palin is the GOP’s nominee in 2012. I’m not sure how effective the DNC’s “She quit on Alaska, she’ll quit on you” ad campaign starring Yukon Cornelius standing in front of a Juneau abortion clinic will be, but time will tell.

Rest assured, if Sarah pops up in Iowa and New Hampshire before too long, it won’t be to hunt bears, but donkeys – and hopefully even a few RINOs.

Now they’re planning the crime of the century
Well what will it be?
Read all about their schemes and adventuring
It’s well worth a fee
So roll up and see
How they rape the universe
How they’ve gone from bad to worse
Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let’s see.

Supertramp – Crime of the Century

The above song needs a plural sequel called “Crimes of the Century,” because I’d be thrilled if Congress were only planning one crime at any given time these days, but now there are so many that it’s hard to keep up with.

One of those crimes of the century that is still in the planning stages, but is close to unfortunate reality, is cap and trade – otherwise known as the Waxman-Markey bill.

“Cap and trade” passed through the House of Representatives Friday afternoon by a close 219-212 vote. Many of the same politicians who bashed Bernard Madoff over the head for his Ponzi scheme voted to do something similar multiplied many times over – but in order to “save the planet” from evil carbon-based pollutants like … you and me.

Ohio Rep. John Boehner referred to Waxman-Markey as a “pile of excrement” (though Boehner used a different word). Frankly, I think this is an insult … to piles of excrement.

The U.S. government and its collection of worms, weasels and vermin are wonderfully adept at exploiting people who haven’t even been born yet, and they’re at it again and they won’t stop until they’re made to stop.

According to the Wall Street Journal, if allowed to pass, cap and trade would likely be the biggest tax in American history – and it will be signed by a president who promised not to raise taxes on those who make less than $250,000. Uh-huh.

The Heritage Foundation found that Waxman-Markey would cost the economy $161 billion in 2020, which is $1,870 for a family of four. As the bill’s restrictions really kick in, that number skyrockets to $6,800 for a family of four by 2035.

As with all great schemes, the designers have made sure that they’ll be dead by the time everybody wants to kill them.

Selling off America’s future, so Al Gore, select members of Congress and the special interest groups that they’re attached to like lampreys can profit today, is a crime. These scam artists in Congress need to be put out of business now – and quite a few of them should be rooming with Bernie Madoff.

In the House, Friday’s vote was close and came down to the wire, so Speaker Nancy Pelosi tried to sway some last-minute undecideds with Dove bars. That’s right, the passage of “the biggest tax in American history” may have hinged on some bloated fence-sitter’s hankerin’ for an ice cream bar! Ain’t politics grand?

There were eight Republicans – hopefully soon to be ex-House members, who had an appetite for ice cream that day, which is strange because you’d think they’d be full up on Al Gore’s Kool-Aid by now.

Now the bill is on to the Senate, where those in the know say it faces an uphill battle. Just in case though, take the Pelosi route and call your senator, see Pelosi’s Dove bar and up the ante a half dozen Three Musketeers, a gallon of ice cream (specify Ben & Jerry’s if your senator is a lib), 10 packages of Laffy Taffy and a Sara Lee cheesecake – and for Harry Reid throw in a couple of boxing tickets. Slaves to instant gratification are obviously easily swayed.

This is even more frightening if you consider that Pelosi and Reid are only about three pizzas and a candy-gram short of securing enough votes to pass national health care – yet another “Crime of the Century” – but we’ll talk about that later.

Note: I’ve taken the Twitter plunge. You can follow my ramblings at ThePowersThatBe.

The Iranian government must understand that the world is watching. We mourn each and every innocent life that is lost. We call on the Iranian government to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people. The universal rights to assembly and free speech must be respected, and the United States stands with all who seek to exercise those rights. …

Tough as liquid nails, eh? “We’ve got Twitter and we know how to use it, buddy!”

The rest of Obama’s statement is here. Iran could get around the “innocent life that is lost” part by referring to their dustup operation as “super late-term abortions.”

Did you know there are “universal rights”? I didn’t. Our government can’t manage to adhere to the rights contained in our own Constitution anymore, but it can whip up a fresh batch of rights for the entire universe?

What Obama’s statement seems to imply – either by naiveté of biblical (or Koranical) proportions, or by “strange bedfellows” empathy with the ruling Iranian clerics – is that a totalitarian theocracy can remain a totalitarian theocracy as long as it can bite its tongue long enough to allow people to complain in the streets. It’s in this kind of defense of freedom that oppression metastasizes.

Another reason I believe Obama has refused to speak out more on this is pure conjecture on my part, but I have a suspicion that those protesters in Iran remind Obama just a little too much of American tea partiers, and so, ultimately, there is no love lost there. Couple that with accusations of election fraud in Iran (how do you say ACORN in Farsi?), and it isn’t difficult to see why Obama is less than enthusiastic about addressing this particular “problem.”

Obama also has to be sure not to damage the façade that an overbearing, dominant, intrusive form of government can exist hand-in-hand with freedom and human rights if it’s done properly – because to do so would be to saw off the same branch upon which he’s trying to sit his presidency.

The current administration’s message to Iranians seeking justice is clear: You’re on your own! If Obama were president during the Tiananmen Square massacre, the workable “middle ground” proposal would have been to ask the Chinese government to put safety padding on their tanks.

Can you imagine applying the Obama approach to other pivotal moments in history?

Obama as Ronald Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, this wall, with the weather conditions around here and because of global warming, will eventually fall on its own.

Obama as Winston Churchill: We shall fight on the beaches; we shall fight in the fields and in the streets; we shall fight on the landing grounds; we shall fight in the hills – we shall never surrender our quest for national health care. The Germans? That’s a sovereign nation and that’s their own business…

Obama as JFK: Eich bin ein community organizer!

Obama as FDR: I ask that the Congress declare that, since Japan showed their displeasure with the U.S. on Sunday, December 7th, a state of intense negotiations now exists between the United States and Japan. As Americans we must look toward ourselves and take an honest personal inventory to find out what we did to so anger another member of the international community.

Obama as Gen. Douglas MacArthur: I shall return … for the rest of your money.

If only we could convince Obama to view enemies of freedom with at least half as much disdain as he does flies that land on him.

… that he’s a devout Christian who went to a Christian church for 20 years and never heard about anything his reverend was saying.

… that he announced his first political campaign in the home William Ayers but didn’t know anything at all about Ayers’ terrorist past.

… that he’s highly attentive and detail oriented.

… that forcing our way of life on people from other countries is wrong, but the first thing that should be done with captured “man caused disaster” suspects should be to shove U.S. constitutional dogma down their throats via reading them Miranda rights.

… that he recited his wedding vows without a teleprompter.

… that some of the greatest advances in the history of civilization have come from areas of the world where they still stone women to death for the crime of being raped, have a high infant mortality and poverty rates, don’t allow women to have any rights, wipe with their bare hands and hang homosexual people.

… that one of his prime duties as president is to defend Islam against negative stereotypes wherever they appear – especially from greedy, oppressive, racist, capitalist pig, white conservatives.

… that what makes America great is that anybody, regardless of race or economic background, can rise to a position to dismantle what makes America great.

… that a White House aide (Louis Caldera, code name “Fall Guy“) can approve a 747′s photo-op over New York City.

… that the best defense is a good offensive against your defense.

… that it shouldn’t seem strange in the least that Gitmo should be closed because it harms the U.S. image in the eyes of other countries, but the detainees shouldn’t be sent back to some of those same countries because they’ll be tortured and killed by those whose approval we so desperately seek.

… that a man with a stated goal of wiping Israel from the map should be allowed to pursue a nuclear program because he only wants to heat up his Lean Cuisine.

… that “yes we can!” is a viable foreign policy, and “no you can’t!” is an inspirational domestic policy.

… that the best equipped people to run the auto industry are those who have no experience in the auto industry.

… that the best equipped people to run the banking industry are those who have plenty of experience in losing money.

… that a good way to raise troop morale is to tell them they’re risking their lives based on a lie.

… that the only way to repair an economy ravaged by excessive government spending is through excessive government spending.

… that it’s a good idea that a minor not be allowed to get a credit card without parental approval but for that same kid to be allowed to get an abortion without parental notification.

… that make-work jobs created on borrowed and stolen money can stimulate an economy.

… that a rising unemployment rate means that the government needs to speed up its hiring process.

… that allowing the same entity that has sickened everything it’s touched in the last few months control the entire health care system will make Americans healthier.

… that being equally ill is preferable to be unequally healthy.

… that a president with a homeless, poverty-stricken brother and an aunt living in the country illegally telling Americans that he’ll treat them like family should be received as good news.

… that “socialism” cannot be socialism if we all agree that it isn’t – collectively.

And if Obama believed that lots of people would believe all this, I believe he was, unfortunately, correct.

Mind-boggling government lunacy is bottomless, infinite and immune from common sense and even meteor strikes. I suppose as an opinion columnist I should be thankful for that, but it’s more difficult to handle by the day, because though the political madness is endless, the well of adjectives, ad hominem slurs and pointed metaphors for politicians can occasionally run dry due to over-pumping.

Fortunately, today is not that day.

Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd, who is perhaps best known to veteran political observers as the top slice of doughy, crusty white bread in the legendary waitress sandwich, is facing an uphill re-election bid next year.

Dodd, in addition to being Phil Donahue’s liberal stunt-double, is the mortgage opportunist who allowed AIG bonuses to stay in the stimulus bill that nobody had time to read before voting to pass, and then later jumped on the bandwagon of bashing the people who got the bonuses (but earlier had no problem accepting AIG’s campaign donations). Normally these issues would be insurmountable for even a veteran politician to overcome, but since Dodd is from a collection of liberal East Coast states that pride themselves on the motto “Live free or at least fool yourself,” I fully expect Dodd to win re-election to a sixth term.

Part of Dodd’s challenge in a campaign that is now under way is to demonstrate to any voters who care about such things that he’s not a boneheaded weasel with confusing double standards. To do this, Dodd’s campaign has created an ad that demonstrates that he’s … a boneheaded weasel with confusing double-standards.

In the ad, President Obama (and presumably his teleprompter) make a guest appearance, touting Dodd’s leadership in passing credit card reform. The fact that Dodd and Obama are patting themselves on the back for anything to do with promoting responsible credit practices is laughable enough (on par with the Menendez brothers’ responsible gun ownership public service announcements), but it gets even more surreal.

Dodd and Obama are especially proud of one item in the Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility and Disclosure Act, or CARD: People under the age of 21 cannot be issued a credit card without parental approval, or proof that the applicant can repay the debt. Credit card companies are so predatory that the Congress and the president have even risen the traditional “minor” age from 18 to 21 to protect more young people.

This goes from braggadocios to tragic if you consider the fact that Obama and Dodd both believe that a kid under 18 who shouldn’t be allowed to get a credit card without parental approval should be able to cross state lines for an abortion without parental notification. Both Obama and Dodd voted against bills that would have prohibited abortions for minors without their parent(s) having been informed (see here and here).

So, rest easy – if you have a minor daughter, she could kill your grandchild without your permission, but she won’t be able to buy clothes at the mall with a MasterCard afterward. Whew! Plus, there will be no extra kids running around for the credit card companies to take advantage of. Thank goodness Congress and the president have it all figured out!

What would we do without such caring politicians?

If any reporters with access to Dodd or the president happen to have a chance, please ask them how they’d handle the ultimate liberal dilemma: A minor who wants to get a credit card in order to pay for an abortion. A ridiculous premise, I know, because taxpayer will pick up the tab, but the look of confusion on their faces for even a split second might be worth a sliver of the misery they’re putting us all through, not to mention future generations.

This news caused the American Left to go apoplectic due to the unfairness of it all, especially when you consider that domestic, non-Muslim terrorists weren’t treated this harshly. Case in point: Timothy McVeigh was only executed once for every 168 people he murdered, and he was never waterboarded. Judging from the level of the Left’s protests, McVeigh got off light compared to KSM. McVeigh might disagree.

Naturally, the 9/11 attacks resulted in more global attention finally being paid to some of the true evil in the world – I speak of course of the Bush administration and the Central Intelligence Agency, and their use of the controversial practice of waterboarding.

How bad is waterboarding? So bad that some people have volunteered to have it performed on them (though some people more in the know than I have told me that, often, these stunt “waterboardings” are performed improperly and in an unsafe manner, clouding the whole debate and even endangering the volunteer).

Christopher Hitchens was waterboarded last year and concluded that the interrogation procedure is torture (possibly because the water didn’t have any booze in it).

Not long ago, Sean Hannity offered to be waterboarded for charity. This prompted some on the Left — who say that waterboarding should never, ever be used on any human being whatsoever because it goes against every principle we as Americans hold dear – to gladly step up and offer to waterboard Sean Hannity.

Keith Olbermann, the perma-steaming MSNBC host who’s always grimacing as if he’s getting a colonoscopy with a rose bush, offered $1,000 for every second Hannity was waterboarded. I offered $2,000 for every second Hannity could stand to listen to Keith Olbermann. Both offers remain in limbo.

Then, just this week, radio host “Mancow” Muller was waterboarded, and he also concluded it was torture. Muller claims he went into the waterboarding with the intention of saying it wasn’t torture, but changed his mind two seconds into waterfall that kept him from running his mouth for a record six seconds. One man’s torture is music to another’s ears.

The question as it pertains to willingly subjecting one’s self to waterboarding isn’t “is it torture?” The question should be this: “Is it a good idea to demand that someone shouldn’t condone waterboarding unless they can undergo it themselves and honestly say it isn’t torture?” This is like saying that I shouldn’t be for life sentences for convicted murderers unless I’m willing to prove it isn’t so bad by willingly spending the rest of my life in prison.

If making something illegal just because I might consider it torture is the issue, then “Fear Factor” would have been canceled half way through the very first episode, and Yoko Ono’s larynx would be rotting in a jail cell as we speak.

The relevant question as it pertains to waterboarding is, “Did it prevent attacks on people who loathe the idea of waterboarding terror suspects?” The answer, according to the CIA and Dick Cheney, is “yes.” An attack on Los Angeles, home to a lot of people who are dead-set against waterboarding because it’s an affront to the same Constitution that they believe allows third-trimester abortions, was thwarted because of waterboarding. So far liberals seem unaware of the irony.

If you want to really ratchet up the torture claims from Los Angeles liberals, tell them the CIA wasn’t waterboarding with purified bottled, but rather – gulp – tap water.

If any pollsters want to make liberal heads explode, go to Los Angeles and ask the following question: “Would you rather die in a terrorist attack, or have your life, and most importantly, film career, saved because of waterboarding?” Because there’s a chance it was.

A video that shows “Mancow” Muller doing something that, if there were beer instead of water in that pitcher, happens every weekend at frat parties, can be viewed here. Now all Hitch and Muller have to do is jump out of the 100th floor of a burning building, and they’ll have nearly experienced both sides of the story.

All I can say about all this is that those looking to prove that waterboarding is torture shouldn’t point to people who are unwittingly trivializing the practice as evidence for their claim.