Chuck Norris for president!

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Editors note: This column is based in part upon an exclusive interview with Chuck Norris originally conducted in 1988.Chuck Norris for president! He knows his way around the more…

Defunct elephants for Election Day

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- For those enamored of their governmental Tricks or Treats – ghoulish costumes in ghastly circumstances, anyone? – Election Day falls about a week after Halloween, Mischief Night and more…

Does this job make me look fat?

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Though I haven't held a real job-job since my high-school days as a Joizey supermarket cashier – just lucky, I guess – I'm seriously tempted to "pack up more…

Killer veggies?

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- First, spinach! Then lettuce! Now perhaps even that celestial libation of the health-food gods, carrot juice! KILLER VEGGIES! Oh, no – weaponized vegetables – veggies transmogrified into death-dealing more…

Joizey devils?

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Forget Foley! Not only has he ruined IMs forever, can't you see him single-handedly bringing down both the government and AOL, his hypocrisy and corruption that toxic. The more…

'Blood diamonds' on your hands?

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Anyone growing up female in America is literally brainwashed into expecting a diamond engagement ring. Practically from the cradle, little girls are taught to recite the "Four C's more…

Water Torture: The Movie

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- I promise you, nothing in life exceeds the awfulness of a flooded basement – not the Mideast crisis, not airport terror plots, not Bush-Wah's putative presidencies, not a more…

1st writing in New World? Slab this!

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Editors note: Today's column is purely a work of satire and invention.You'll be relieved scientists have finally deciphered that ancient stone slab found with the earliest known writing more…

Unfinished business: A time for healing, redux

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- Editor's note: An earlier version of this column originally ran Sept. 11, 2002.As the grandchild of immigrants who came to New York from Eastern Europe at the turn more…

3 cheers for Media bias

by Maralyn Lois Polak -- In the true inclusive spirit of Labor Day solidarity – celebrating workers everywhere, as well as our unionized sisters and brothers – I recently visited Media, Pa., "the more…