Editor’s note: Do you need something to smile about? Every day, WND selects the best joke offered up by readers and contributors to its Laughlines forum and brings it to you as the WND Joke of the Day. Here is today’s offering:
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.
4. People call at 9 p.m. (or 9 a.m.) and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer consider you a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate at predicting the weather than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can’t remember why you’re reading this.