This just in …

As the so-called "swine flu" continues to be blamed for deaths and sickness around the world, Barack Obama's nominee to be "regulatory czar," Cass Sunstein, announced it is time for the government to offer taxpayer-supported legal representation to pigs who are potentially being defamed and unfairly profiled.

Sunstein, an animal rights activist, has long championed the idea that non-humans are entitled to legal representation – by humans – in America's courts.

"There should be extensive regulation of the use of animals in entertainment, in scientific experiments and in agriculture," Sunstein said. He added: "If I am confirmed as 'regulatory czar,' I will see to it that future epidemics are not blamed on our non-human brothers and sisters."

Likewise, Sunstein believes government has an important role in ensuring that all points of view are equally represented in the media. That includes, of course, other species.

It's time to put up or shut up, America. Literally. Get the book that shows how to fight the assault on your freedom of speech!

"I have called for banning hunting in this country," Sunstein reminded. "But that does not include hunting down those in the media with opinions that are offensive to others – including animals."

As such, Sunstein has championed the idea of a "fairness doctrine" for the Internet, which he characterizes as "anti-democratic" because it gives users the ability to seek out only information they want as opposed to "what they need."

Asked about what he might do in his new position about the so-called "swine flu," Sunstein had this to say: "Some are calling for closure of our borders to protect American citizens from the spreading disease. But that wouldn't be fair. If we are going to conquer this virus, it needs to be a shared experience within our global village. Closing the borders would only represent a Band-aid on the problem. Americans need to feel the pain others are feeling in less-developed countries if they are to take this plague seriously. So I would definitely oppose any idea of sealing our borders."

He added that he opposes scientific research into a cure if it involves any animal testing.

Acknowledging that some of his ideas are "radical" and may make people angry, Sunstein warned critics not to write him angry e-mails.

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In fact, he has floated the idea of instituting, through the use of technology, a mandatory 24-hour cooling off period before angry e-mails can be sent.

"The modern world suffers from insufficient civility," he wrote*. "Every hour of every day, people send angry e-mails they soon regret, cursing people they barely know (or even worse, their friends and loved ones). A few of us have learned a simple rule: Don't send an angry e-mail in the heat of the moment. File it, and wait a day before you send it. (In fact, the next day you may have calmed down so much that you forget even to look at it. So much the better.) But many people either haven't learned the rule or don't always follow it. Technology could easily help. In fact, we have no doubt that technologically savvy types could design a helpful program by next month."

That's where his idea for a "Civility Check" comes in.

"We propose a Civility Check that can accurately tell whether the e-mail you're about to send is angry and caution you, 'warning: this appears to be an uncivil e-mail. do you really and truly want to send it?'" Sunstein wrote. "(Software already exists to detect foul language. What we are proposing is more subtle, because it is easy to send a really awful e-mail message that does not contain any four-letter words.) A stronger version, which people could choose or which might be the default, would say, 'warning: this appears to be an uncivil e-mail. this will not be sent unless you ask to resend in 24 hours.' With the stronger version, you might be able to bypass the delay with some work (by inputting, say, your Social Security message and your grandfather's birth date, or maybe by solving some irritating math problem!)."

So, have no fears. Help is on the way. Cass Sunstein, Obama's nominee to oversee all federal regulatory matters, has some big ideas to make life better for all Americans – not to mention all animal-kind.

* Believe it or not, the Sunstein quotes about angry e-mail are not satirical.