DATELINE 2010, SEATTLE – Bill Gates testified today in Microsoft's ongoing antitrust appeal, now in its third iteration from the U.S. Supreme Court, that removing the Internet from Microsoft Windows would harm the performance of the popular computer operating system. "The Internet is an integral part of Windows," Mr. Gates told the court. "Removing even some of the domain names, any content, just the .org suffixes, would make the product more confusing, harder to use, less reliable, and slow performing for consumers. We definitely designed Windows from the very beginning to encompass the entire Internet."

Despite vigorous questioning, the government's attorney was unable to shake Mr. Gates in his contention that the Internet was an integral part of Windows, or that the arrangement whereby annual updates were charged automatically to consumer credit cards benefited customers. Visibly frustrated, the government called a new witness. "Thank you, Mr. Gore, for taking time out of your busy schedule counting ballots in the Florida election," the attorney said by way of introduction. "Now the reason you are here is that you are widely recognized as having invented the Internet. Please tell the court if, at the time you invented the Internet, other computer operating systems besides Windows existed, and how that affected your efforts."

"Oh, there was great diversity back then," said Mr. Gore. "All kinds of plants and animals in the forest, salmon in the streams and rivers ... yes, inventing the Internet is what prompted me to write 'Earth in the Balance,' you know." A pleased expression emerged on the faces of defense attorneys as Mr. Gore continued on, but the central question remained unanswered.

The next witness, a technical expert employed by Microsoft, said that his firm's recent acquisition of Dell Computer, Hewlett Packard, Xerox, IBM, the Federation of Atomic Scientists and the Czech Republic was a precursor to Microsoft's planned release of its own computer equipment with Windows built into the hardware. "Business and commerce depends upon a certain predictability, and with the Internet now a part of Windows, and now our own hardware, that's what we provide."

Finally the government called its long-awaited star witness. There was quite a stir in the courtroom as former president and evening talk-show host Bill Clinton, now chairman of the recently merged aol-timewarner-msnbc-abc-cbs-hbo-mtv-playboy content consortium. "We're really having trouble finding room for all the adult entertainment we produce on those tiny little hard drives they put in their machines," said Mr. Clinton, not missing a beat as he winked at one of the more attractive female attorneys seated at the defense table. "I think erotic electrons just want to have some fun." In response to further questioning, Mr. Clinton said he "couldn't recall" when the Internet had been invented, but thought it might have had something to do with Al Gore's visit to China.

The government pressed its case with one final expert witness, a university professor who specialized in combating the spread of the increasingly virulent computer viruses now plaguing the Internet. "Would you explain to the court what it is that you do?" asked the attorney.

"Yes, I identify, catalog and track the spread of computer viruses over the Internet," the witness responded.

"And have you noticed any changes in the virus incidences you track since January of 2006, when the Internet was actually absorbed into Windows?" asked the attorney.

"Oh, yes," replied the witness. "There was a tremendous increase in both the virulence and the frequency of virus attacks." The witness read the figures into the record.

"And to what do you attribute this increase in viral infection?" asked the attorney.

"It's very much like the famines we've been experiencing in various parts of the world when genetically modified crops are infected," said the witness. "A virus finds and exploits a weakness, and because it finds the same vulnerability everywhere, it spreads very quickly over a wide area."

"And what stops the spread of these viruses?" asked the attorney.

"Usually it's running into a different genetic structure," said the witness. "The weakness disappears, and the virus dies. In the computer world a virus would have to encounter a different operating system before it died."

With that, the attorneys summarized their cases and the judge ordered jury to deliberate. We'll just have to wait for the outcome.